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Original poster

I feel embarrassed and ashamed

47 replies

Serena1977 · 20/02/2021 15:16

This morning I received a letter to shield due to my BMI and high blood pressure. I am early 40s in age.

It means I have to stop working in school until 31st March (work from home but it's not the same)

I am devastated that my BMI has triggered this, it's all my fault, I have been overweight for years due to comfort eating due to mh problems (therapy and psychiatrist has helped for the mh bit not the overeating)

Whats upset me the most is, my mum laughed and said ignore the letter, it cant be important because they would have said to shield last March.

She went on to go on about my eating and repeatedly told me that at 70 and still working, she is not on any type of meds and doesn't need to shield making me feel even worse.

She constantly puts me down, eg parenting, my career Hope's, housework et

Any advice?

OP posts:
LagneyandCasey · 20/02/2021 16:16

Your mum is nasty. Take no notice of her put downs.

Take care of yourself right now. You are at risk so do as you've been asked. I hope you can get the strength to get your health back on track but its it's so hard when you have mh issues plus the last year has been very difficult Flowers

staydazzling · 20/02/2021 16:19

do you have to Shield i imagine some won't be able to tbh,

Bluewavescrashing · 20/02/2021 16:21

Do what is right for your physical and mental health. Stay at home and font listen to your mother Flowers

AtleastitsnotMonday · 20/02/2021 16:21

Firstly have a conversation with your mum. Let her know that her comments aren’t helping.
I know items along way off at the moment but 31st March isn’t too far off, especially when schools won’t start going back until 8th and it’s unlikely that it will be all in then.

I don’t mean this to be harsh but maybe this is what you need to address your health risks of being overweight. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can start the path back to where you want to be.
I’d say start small. Pick one or two things to focus on to start. Not necessarily what you aren’t going to eat or do but what you will do!
E.g I will eat 5 portions veg a day and drink 2l of water. Then maybe look at making your main meal of the day healthier, so if you fry something swap to baking or grilling. If you usually opt for cream based sauces try to have tomato based ones instead. Little steps, but manageable ones that you can build on each week.

Furgggggg12 · 20/02/2021 16:22

She sounds horrendous and should be ashamed of herself. Don't tell her anything! She doesn't deserve to know.

VashtaNerada · 20/02/2021 16:24

Obesity is a health condition like any other, please don’t feel guilty about it. We have this strange idea in our country that when MH problems cause someone to under-eat they deserve compassion but not when they over-eat. It’s rubbish. Any eating disorder caused by MH problems is bloody hard to come out of, only people with very limited imaginations could think otherwise.
And ignore your mum.

Singlenotsingle · 20/02/2021 16:26

If the letter says to shield, you ought to shield. And do something about your weight. It's easy to let it slide and get out of control. Take a look at RedQuest 8.00 pm every evening, a show called My 600lb Life. It'll make you think.

IloveFebruary · 20/02/2021 16:27

Your mum sounds horrible OP Flowers

I hate the shame that’s attached to weight. I hope you are ok.

Crunchymum · 20/02/2021 16:27

This is bizarre.

I know having a BMI of 40+ puts you in group 6 but shielding? Really?

recluse · 20/02/2021 16:28

You should definitely shield - and your Mum sounds unkind. Can you limit the amount of contact you have with her?

Tistheseason17 · 20/02/2021 16:30

You don't actually have to shield - it's not the law. About 50% of people invited by our local GP practice in the shielding category were all at work and got their vaccinations from the mass vaccinations centre. You could also ask your GP for advice if you do not want to shield. So many mental health issues it's not the instant thing recommended these days.

You could go our for long walks and lose the weight to get to a healthy BMI - it is possible.

doctorhamster · 20/02/2021 16:30

I didn't think people with a high BMI were being told to shield? It's got to be because of your blood pressure

toolazytothinkofausername · 20/02/2021 16:32

Stop talking to your toxic mum. Stop talking to any person that makes you feel bad about yourself. Life is too short.

Thatwentbadly · 20/02/2021 16:36

Shielding is a request by the government to reduce pressure on the NHS. You don’t have to do it but obviously it’s better for the country and for yourself to do it. Shielding is not as strict now as it was when it was first introduced last March. DH (aged 37) received texts telling him to get someone else to put the bin out. People who are shielding are encouraged to go out for exercise now.

You need to distance yourself from your Mum. Stop telling her things she can turn on you. I suspect this is not the first time she has made yourself feel bad about yourself.

Have you considered speaking to your GP about your weight? Do you want people to give you advice or support on losing weight?

You should now be eligible for the coronavirus vaccine. Make sure you get it.

I’m sorry you’re having a crap day. Do something to make yourself feel better, nice bath, walk, dance to some music or watch crap on TV.

Flowers
ktp100 · 20/02/2021 16:37

I'd shield and cut Mum off for a bit.

She sounds judgemental and spiteful, not what you need right now.

Do you have any friends who are trying to lose weight? I find a little whasapp group of friends posting daily or weekly weigh-ins really helpful and supportive. There are so many fat loss groups on facebook etc. Maybe think about JSA or Team RH where your daily cals will be high enough to warrant treats to keep you on track?

Don't be embarrassed, OP. There will be LOTS of people in your position. It would be a real shame if you didn't take this time to get healthier though, I think.

Bearsinmotion · 20/02/2021 16:43

it’s all my fault, I have been overweight for years due to comfort eating due to mh problems

Just for clarity, MH problems are not your fault. It could only even be considered your fault if you hadn’t done anything about it. But you have, and it’s working and you are doing a good job, so knock that idea on the head.Smile

Then listen to all the other wise people here telling you the one with the issues is your toxic DM!

frumpety · 20/02/2021 16:55

Have you tried shielding from your Mum ? Wink

Only half joking, being made to feel constantly inadequate isn't good for anyone's mental health.

LIZS · 20/02/2021 17:03

Maybe distancing yourself from your mother would have a positive effect on your mh. You are not legally obliged to shield, it is advice not an order, but it might reduce your exposure and thereby risk. Ask your employer if/how they could support you.

TillyTopper · 20/02/2021 17:04

I know it's easier said than done but please try to ignore her. She's not helping so perhaps distance yourself a bit. I also have a shielding letter (I'm 55 and v overweight) I intend to ignore it. They can advise they can't make - so do what you want to do.

Velvian · 20/02/2021 17:05

I think you should shield, op. You are really close to vaccination now.

LApprentiSorcier · 20/02/2021 17:10

You have absolutely no reason to be ashamed.

I keep recommending this book - I honestly have no affiliation with it! 'Why we eat (too much)' by Dr Andrew Jenkinson. This book really helped me stop feeling guilty about my weight and food issues. It's not a diet book but it does give suggestions about how to eat in a way that doesn't exacerbate your predisposition to gain weight and by following these my weight is now going in the right direction again.

Dementedswan · 20/02/2021 17:10

High blood pressure is not on the shielding list, it's been removed from clinically vulnerable group too.

Bmi 40 + is in group 6.

I wonder if something else has triggered this.

MrsSpenserGregson · 20/02/2021 17:13

Sounds like your mum has caused your MH problems tbh, OP.

You have nothing to feel embarrassed and ashamed about, and it is not your fault.

Take care of yourself Flowers

Redrosesandsunsets · 20/02/2021 17:14

I know she’s your mum but by golly you’re allowed a life and opinion without her. She doesn’t encourage or support you at all. I feel sorry for you. I’d use this time to stand up strong and get some boundaries. You are young and can still enjoy your life without obesity and a mean mother. Don’t make excuses now, use this time to learn to be firm to your mum (ignore her tears) and look after yourself. Go walking and set goals to lose weight and find alternatives to eating when you’re down. Get your health back girl. Come on you can do it. The only one stopping you is you. Choose boundaries today. Make new friends and only give your mum access to your life where it works for you, and preferably that’s at arms length. I believe in you. Just do it.

yeOldeTrout · 20/02/2021 17:15

Your mum is not nice.

You don't have to care about her opinions.

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