I feel embarrassed and ashamed

[Serena1977]

This morning I received a letter to shield due to my BMI and high blood pressure. I am early 40s in age.

It means I have to stop working in school until 31st March (work from home but it's not the same)

I am devastated that my BMI has triggered this, it's all my fault, I have been overweight for years due to comfort eating due to mh problems (therapy and psychiatrist has helped for the mh bit not the overeating)

Whats upset me the most is, my mum laughed and said ignore the letter, it cant be important because they would have said to shield last March.

She went on to go on about my eating and repeatedly told me that at 70 and still working, she is not on any type of meds and doesn't need to shield making me feel even worse.

She constantly puts me down, eg parenting, my career Hope's, housework et

Any advice?

What’s your BMI op?

You’ve hit rock bottom so now use that upset to make a plan and determination.

I’ve three recommendations - walk 10k steps daily, try the 8/16 diet and create some space between yourself and your mum.

You don’t HAVE to shield if you choose not to

I got a shielding letter today as well

High bmi , very mild asthma and apparently postcode (deprived area ) is taken into account.

Like you , it means im not in work in a school next week.

First thing i did was book my jab for tomorrow morning.

Im hoping to go back in to school in the next week or two (when the vaccine become more effective?)

But we will see what happens.

I am glad to be getting the jab in the morning

Go and book your vaccine ASAP

Non of us are perfect - physically or otherwise, so you are obese, me too, its just the way I am, dont worry about it.

Shielding is optional. It is up to you whether you follow it or not. Personally, I know I just wouldn't be able to stick it, so I wouldn't but it is for you to choose.

I'm in a similar boat to you and know that I could end up advised to shield. I haven't shielded between last March and now though so wouldn't do it.

You’re being told to shield for a reason, your health.
Try to make this a line in the sand and turn it into a positive, both as regards to committing to lose weight, and to drawing clear boundaries with your mother as to how her comments make you feel and that you won’t be tolerating it.

Use this as a springboard to make a positive change 🙂

Wishing you good luck !

Bloody hell, with mums like that eh?. Have you ever considered she’s at least part of the problem?.

Monday you ring the dr, explain the situation and ask them to sign post you to their weight loss resources. There’s probably something already on their website. People always want to do it on their own but it’s easier with support, just like everything in life.

Thank you all for being so kind.

I will shield as that is what is asked of me. I have already had the first vaccine on Thursday because I knew I was group 6 but I didn't expect to be asked to shield. I am making positive changes now but it is hard. Food is always my go to pick me up. I dont smoke or drink or do anything really to help through the mh issues except food.

Seeing the situation with my health in black and white was an upsetting shock. When I rang her I needed TLC as you all have given me not the deluge of criticism I did get.

I need to put her at arms length but I dont have the guts to say something as this has been going on for years.

Thank you for your kind words again.

The new risk-based model has BMI second after age, so it probably is your BMI. The new model has identified new risks, which is why an extra 1.7m have been added to the shielding list. The full list is long, but here’s a snip with the top few

You should get your vaccine soon OP. Friends of mine in their mid 40s have got theirs based on their BMI.
Don't be ashamed of who you are. It's very difficult to loose weight. Do your best to be healthy and loose weight but in my experience you actually have to be confident and love yourself to loose weight.
Don't worry about others opinions - it's your own opinion of yourself that matters.

It is hard, and dopamine is low if you eat highly processed food or if your poorly.

You get stuck in a cycle of knowing you need to but not having the dopamine yo get stuff done.

Crossed with your post Op.
It’s good you’ve already had the first vaccine.
If you don’t feel you can ask your Mum to lay off with the hurtful comments then good idea to put some distance between you.
Good luck.
Good you get your second vaccine soon.

Surely it’s your choice to shield or not, and surely you are cohort 6 for the vaccination?

Ignore your mother, in fact I would be taking a step back from her for now

You don't have to shield. I didn't.

For me shielding would have been worse than getting Covid. I have had worse colds. I was lucky though, as I know healthy people have been knocked for 6 by it.

My advice is don't be embarrassed or ashamed

@Crunchymum

This is bizarre.

I know having a BMI of 40+ puts you in group 6 but shielding? Really?

The new algorithm (sensibly) takes into account a lot of factors combined.

Weight alone won't trigger it
High blood pressure alone won't trigger it
Add them both to age -and there you go

I have thought that since the beginning they needed to get this sorted, it just seemed logical, still I'm glad they finally have.

I haven't shielded, but almost. I have been extremely careful for over a year now because I'm diabetic and obese. As much as people want to bash re being obese, they're not always correct about people's lives. My diabetes was caused by a virus that attacked my liver and basically destroyed my whole system.

The research they're doing now on why/how CV is causing diabetes in large number of patients, may even benefit me in the long run IF they can find out if there's any way to reverse it or treat it when it's caused by a virus

I'm diet controlled (have normal readings) without medication, but I live on a very low carb diet, & exercise to achieve that. I'm still obese because of what that virus did to my system. But people still judge & say 'just exercise more/eat less' 🙄🙄

@Serena1977. Your mother is wrong (as well as pretty bloody unpleasant)

Shield. School has to allow you & you don't have to tell them why (if you need to, you can show them the email/letter).

IF you want to try to lose weight, have a look for BIWI's Bootcamp thread. They're a lovely supportive bunch to hang out with and it's a good way to lose weight if you want to give it a go. It doesn't matter what week they're in, you'll be welcomed and helped.

The days are getting longer, so if you're not already doing it, find a way to squeeze in a walk each day. It should help with your BP.

At least with lockdown you can continue to avoid having to see your mother IRL - small mercies!

I'm not sure what they have planned for 1 April because with all the talk of lifting restrictions, it doesn't seem like a great time to stop shielding. Maybe they'll extend aspects of it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don't be ashamed & embarassed. You're a person, not a weight 💐

@Babababababybelll

I got a shielding letter today as well

High bmi , very mild asthma and apparently postcode (deprived area ) is taken into account.

Like you , it means im not in work in a school next week.

First thing i did was book my jab for tomorrow morning.

Im hoping to go back in to school in the next week or two (when the vaccine become more effective?)

But we will see what happens.

I am glad to be getting the jab in the morning

You need to wait 3 weeks for the vaccine to take effect. Remember it will only reduce the chance that you will not get covid not stop it.

X posted with you

🤗

Lots of virtual hugs & TLC.

You just need to know where to get it & it's not always the people who should be giving it to you!!

Eith your mum as she is, it's no wonder your MH is/was 'shit to shit' 😩

Do you have a partner? How supportive are they?

Your mum sounds toxic.

Dont feel ashamed you dont deserve that! You need kindness and self love and care. Your situation is related to mental health not an inability to 'diet and excercise' propelry. So getting well meaning advise around this could make you feel worse, and comfort eat more. I know it does with me. I actually know loads about nutrition and excercise but if your mental health is bad you cant look after yourself physically the way you want to.

I follow lots of really nice people on Instagram who write about their experiences with fatphobia in healthcare. Theres a whole movement which includes insights from mental health practitioners and doctors and nutritionists who all say that fatphobia is real in healthcare. It's really worth looking at stuff like this, blaming yourself less.

I'm saying this as a comfort eater too. Finding comfort in food is understandable, especially these days. And when you punish yourself less you will find other things comforting too which will help.

If you want a list of the fat health positive drs etc I follow let me know and I'll make a list. But a good start is the book The Fuck It Diet or Intuative Eating by Evelyn Tribole. Both emphasises working on your mental wellbeing and ditching diet culture. Xxx