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Original poster

Older kids just showed DD(8) indecent picture. What to say to her?

72 replies

NotWithMyShoes · 19/02/2021 17:10

DD (8) was playing in the garden with our neighbours daughters (6&4). They were sat at the end of the garden on a rock messing around when some teenage boys walked past on their way home from playing football (we live right next to the park, road goes past end of the garden). I saw them walk past and say something to the girls, then one turned back and held out his phone for them to see. The 4 year old started laughing, she and her sister walked down the edge of the neighbouring house talking to them, DD hung back. Then all the kids ran back along the side of the house.

I asked her if she knew the kids, she said yes. I asked who they were and she said she didn't know them. I asked what they'd shown her on the phone and she said a picture of a man with a naked willy.

FGS why??? Why do teenagers need to show this stuff to young girls? What do I say to her?

OP posts:

KizzyKat91 · 19/02/2021 20:18

@FudgeSundae

I agree with everything being said except those who are saying this is unusual behaviour. About 15 years ago I used to go on a school bus just as smartphones started being a thing and older boys used to try and shock the younger kids with explicit pictures all the time. Looking back, I should have told someone but I didn’t know any better.

Same here! Older boys would call unsuspecting younger students over to look at something on their laptops/phones and it would be porn. I don’t think they got a sexual kick out of it, they just thought it was funny to embarrass and shock. That was high school age though, I doubt any of them would have shown porn to an 8 year old.

Original poster

NotWithMyShoes · 19/02/2021 20:22

That was high school age though, I doubt any of them would have shown porn to an 8 year old.
My neighbours daughter is 4. Four years old.

OP posts:

extentioncord · 19/02/2021 20:31

@maddy68

Hmmm I'm in two minds. I'm not sure I would call the police the kid would end up on a sex register. I wouldn't ruin someone's future for that but if I knew the parents I would speak to them and say you considered calling the police and didn't for this reason and they should speak to their son

They probably wouldn't, but they need to know just how serious a crime they have committed. No one else is to blame here.

TheLetterZ · 19/02/2021 20:39

I hope you have praised your daughter for telling you, she has done everything you want in this situation.

Please do call the police.

whatsleep · 19/02/2021 20:45

Horrible boys, thinking that’s an amusing thing to do. The police will hopefully deal with them sternly 😡

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 19/02/2021 20:48

Report to Police

WeAllHaveWings · 19/02/2021 20:50

@NotWithMyShoes

If it’s the names I’ve been given they’re 14-15 years old.

If you dont call the police consider contacting their school who will deal with appropriately. They need more than a telling off from mum.

WaltzingBetty · 19/02/2021 20:51

@NotWithMyShoes

Yes, the other mum knows (I called her, she was on her way home from work) and is livid. She’s calling a family friend who is in the police force. It wasn’t the older brother of the boy DD knows (and he was just passing, not “with” them) but he thinks he knows who it was.

Why didn't you call the police? This is sexual assault of a child. By tipping off the parents they'll very likely delete any photos and the police will be able to do nothing

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/02/2021 20:53

Weirdly I had a meeting with the police today and we discussed this issue. They took it very seriously. And that was an older child being shown it.

Report. It's not up to you to decide if it's a crime. Report and the police can deal with it.

Jellycatspyjamas · 19/02/2021 21:01

If you dont call the police consider contacting their school who will deal with appropriately.

The school aren’t responsible for things that happen in the community - and would follow safeguarding protocols which means contacting the police and social services, both of which you can do yourself. I’d contact the police and let them deal with it as they see fit.

In terms of your daughter, I’d praise her for telling you, reassure her that she’s done the right thing and answer any questions she has. Take her seriously but keep it low key in your responses to her - don’t pass your feelings on to her. Keep an eye on her over the next few days for signs that she’s distressed and spend time with her so she has the chance to talk about it if she needs to.

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 19/02/2021 21:31

Great advice on this thread. This has always been my fear about smart phones tbh. Absolutely crazy that a harmless Nokia given to a 12yo turned into unlimited access online overnight via smartphones. So many cons and not many pros at all. Hope your dd OK OP. Myself and my friends were flashed at years ago and tbh we just didn't get it, we laughed but had no idea that it was a sexual thing, just thought the man was weird.

iMatter · 20/02/2021 08:21

Will the family friend who's in the police have a duty to take it further?

despairenting · 22/02/2021 22:20

Did you end up talking to the police?

ooohbriefcase · 22/02/2021 22:36

At 15 there should be consequences for showing children indecent images. Yes it's still under 16 but at 15 they know right from wrong, what a pedophile is and are probably sexually active.

If it's down to them being sexually abused themselves then police involvement is still the best route.

SpudsandGravy · 22/02/2021 22:58

Do you feel it's too soon to have a conversation with your daughter about where babies come from etc? If you could do that then you could try to make it into not such a big deal for her, and explain that some silly children (the teenagers) think it's funny to make jokes about it because they're a little immature. I think my mother had this conversation with me when I was really quite young - and maybe having a cat that had kittens also helped.

Wallywobbles · 23/02/2021 06:26

An 18 yo sent dick picks to my DD aged 14 and her best friend. I've been surprised by how seriously it's been taken by the police. It's going to court.

sashh · 23/02/2021 06:39

Take your lead from her.

Is she upset? Does she think it's funny? Hurtful? Want to ask you anything?

I find dick pics highly offensive as an adult, but as a child I would just think, "why have you got that photo".

Tell her if anyone shows her anything like that again then she should come and tell you, you will not be angry, you will discuss it.

Then call the police.

Then call your ds's school and raise a safeguarding issue.

usedandabusedx1000 · 23/02/2021 06:56

Find it baffling that you have decided to go to the parents instead of the police, and are trusting the parents to take it to a “police friend”

You have no idea if this is normal behaviour for the teen who did this, it was absolutely not your judgement to make.

Original poster

NotWithMyShoes · 23/02/2021 11:16

My neighbours friend (police) said nothing can be done because we don’t have names.

On Sunday, one of the boys was there again playing football and she said she heard another kid call him L. This is one of the names the elder brother gave me. I called the local police Monday - no answer.
I went to the station today and they said without surnames they can’t do anything. L doesn’t live in our village and the other name there are two boys the same age. As they don’t know which one it is, they won’t visit.
They’ve advised me to:
Try to find out the names and get back to them.
Call if I see them (they advised against this as they’d probably be gone by the time they get there).
Or see if the boys come back and try to talk to them, preferably if there’s only one there and if it gets nasty to call them.

OP posts:

HamnetandJudith · 23/02/2021 12:13

I really think the police would investigate this.

Embroideredstars · 23/02/2021 12:30

Praise her for telling you and she must do it again if something similar happens.

They were naughty to show pictures like that to children. It's not allowed. Keep it simple.

And call police, those teens need a warning. They may have thought it harmlessly funny but it is a crime and they should be made aware of how serious it could be!

Original poster

NotWithMyShoes · 23/02/2021 20:03

She is acting out with a vengeance....
I explained that deliberately getting herself into trouble is a bit daft and asked her if anything was worrying her, or upsetting her. She said the photos and she's afraid someone is going to kidnap her and she won't ever see me again.

I've told her it is extremely unlikely but does she remember the story we read the other week (she brought a book home from the library about two kids who wandered off and a guy they knew tried to get them into his car) and what the girl did. Yes, screamed as loud as she could. So I said that's why its important to stay in our garden, not go anywhere unless it's been agreed with me and never go off alone. God it feels shit having to explain "how to protect yourself going out rules" to an 8 year old.

OP posts:

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