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Original poster

Older kids just showed DD(8) indecent picture. What to say to her?

72 replies

NotWithMyShoes · 19/02/2021 17:10

DD (8) was playing in the garden with our neighbours daughters (6&4). They were sat at the end of the garden on a rock messing around when some teenage boys walked past on their way home from playing football (we live right next to the park, road goes past end of the garden). I saw them walk past and say something to the girls, then one turned back and held out his phone for them to see. The 4 year old started laughing, she and her sister walked down the edge of the neighbouring house talking to them, DD hung back. Then all the kids ran back along the side of the house.

I asked her if she knew the kids, she said yes. I asked who they were and she said she didn't know them. I asked what they'd shown her on the phone and she said a picture of a man with a naked willy.

FGS why??? Why do teenagers need to show this stuff to young girls? What do I say to her?

OP posts:

Lollyneenah · 19/02/2021 18:08

Police 10 percent. They'll take his phone and electronics and examine it.
And no it's not normal behaviour at all

Lollyneenah · 19/02/2021 18:08

100*

Lollyneenah · 19/02/2021 18:09

And no I would tell her they were very very naughty boys and reiterate the talking to strangers etc

Canitbemagic · 19/02/2021 18:11

Speaking with a safe guarding hat on - do not say silly - it is not a joke or a laughing matter. Say it was wrong, illegal, not right etc or whatever other language but do not minimise this as a couple of boys playing a joke - it isn’t

LolaSmiles · 19/02/2021 18:12

Another vote for the police here. Don't bother with the parents.

With your daughter, explain that nobody should be showing her photos of private parts,that she was right to tell you and that you need to tell the right people what happened.

VashtaNerada · 19/02/2021 18:12

Lots of praise for telling you about it, and make sure she knows if anything happens like that again to straight away tell a trusted adult. And yes, let police know.

Mintjulia · 19/02/2021 18:14

I'd report it to the police and to their school if you know it.

maddy68 · 19/02/2021 18:16

Hmmm I'm in two minds. I'm not sure I would call the police the kid would end up on a sex register. I wouldn't ruin someone's future for that but if I knew the parents I would speak to them and say you considered calling the police and didn't for this reason and they should speak to their son

SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2021 18:19

Yes all of that op. Tell her it was very naughty of them to do it, and that what's in your pants is private etc. That it isn't her fault and she's a good girl for telling you and she should always tell you. I'd leave questions for now.
Then say because they're such naughty Boyd you need to tell a policeman and follow their guidance.

Don't do masses of Talkin to her before police in case you add to what's in her jead

everybodysang · 19/02/2021 18:23

@maddy68

They've ruined their own future. Not the OP.

WannabemoreWeaver · 19/02/2021 18:30

Yes agree with the 'they were being silly, sometimes older people like pictures like that but they are not for kids'. You can save the whole porn debate for when she is older!

TheWaif · 19/02/2021 18:32

Really, don't say silly.

WeAllHaveWings · 19/02/2021 18:41

I would tell her they shouldn't have done that and why, and emphasis it was very good she told you and then leave it at that,

If they are young teens I would have a very blunt conversation with the parents and also their school.

Older teens, police.

mummybearhug · 19/02/2021 18:48

PracticingPerson · 19/02/2021 18:49

@HollowTalk

Don't deal with the parents. Call the police and let them deal with it.

Yes this, please don't do it yourself and please do report.

LolaSmiles · 19/02/2021 18:51

Yes agree with the 'they were being silly, sometimes older people like pictures like that but they are not for kids'. You can save the whole porn debate for when she is older!
There is no porn debate here.
Someone has shown sexually explicit material to a young child.

It's not silly. It's criminal and frankly disturbing behaviour that would also be a safeguarding red flag for the teenager sharing the content.

The sooner society stops minimising things like this as a silly boy thing the better.

DishedUp · 19/02/2021 18:59

@maddy68 this is not normal teenage silliness though. Most teenage boys would not show young children sexually explicit photos.

Op report it to the police. And make sure you give plenty of praise and cuddles to your DD. I also wouldn't be telling her they've been silly, I'd tell her they've done something illegal.

DavidsSchitt · 19/02/2021 19:06

God no. It's not "silly". She did the right thing telling you and needs to know that you don't think it's "silly"

Pieceofpurplesky · 19/02/2021 19:34

Tell your daughter that they behaved inappropriately and that nobody should show pictures of anybody else naked. Watch and discuss the PANTS video. Don't use silly or naughty. Be very matter of fact.

Call the police. Ask if the can have w word with the boys. They need to know that this is never acceptable.

Crappyfridays7 · 19/02/2021 19:36

Not sure why people are talking about porn?
Showing indecent images to children is a crime it has nothing to do with porn and certainly wouldn’t discuss porn with an 8 year old.

I would tell her what the boys did was wrong, and a crime and she should never be afraid to tell you if anything similar happens. There will be guidance on nspcc website for appropriate language to use with children. I would report it to the police. It could be a first time offence for these boys or it could be something more sinister, you don’t know their backgrounds. Do the other children’s parents know? The police have specific officers who deal with these type of offences (ex sil is one) so they will know how to speak to your child.

Stupid boys though makes you wonder what makes a teen do something like that - I’ve got 4 boys and it wouldn’t cross my older 2 mind (they have a younger sister at dads) is it funny?..it’s disgusting and hopefully they’ll never do it again. Sad for your daughter op, she shouldn’t have to see things like that no child should.

partyatthepalace · 19/02/2021 19:45

Don’t make a big deal with her but call the police and report it.

It’s strange and worrying, give them the youngest boys details, they’ll find the rest from there. Don’t contact the parents, it’s too serious, the police need to be able to check what the boys are up to without wiping phones etc.

Original poster

NotWithMyShoes · 19/02/2021 19:56

Yes, the other mum knows (I called her, she was on her way home from work) and is livid. She’s calling a family friend who is in the police force.
It wasn’t the older brother of the boy DD knows (and he was just passing, not “with” them) but he thinks he knows who it was.

OP posts:

Covidcorvid · 19/02/2021 19:59

Depending on the age of the boys is it not possible they’re victims of abuse? Aren’t victims of sexual abuse more likely to display this sort of behaviour? Which is why the police need involving, to work out if they need protecting or jumping on.

Original poster

NotWithMyShoes · 19/02/2021 20:01

If it’s the names I’ve been given they’re 14-15 years old.

OP posts:

FudgeSundae · 19/02/2021 20:09

I agree with everything being said except those who are saying this is unusual behaviour. About 15 years ago I used to go on a school bus just as smartphones started being a thing and older boys used to try and shock the younger kids with explicit pictures all the time. Looking back, I should have told someone but I didn’t know any better.

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