8 year old sleep help [sad]

[Eeve]

Apologise, posting in Chat for traffic.

I'm at the end of my tether with DD, 8. She doesn't sleep through the night, well, not in her own bed.

I have to lie with her for her to fall asleep (else she will stay up all night, reading - I've tried or will just keep coming in to me). When she gets up I put her back, but I've got a very emotionally intense job that I can't do if I'm tired, so I end up falling asleep with her, or letting her sleep with me.

Context - her DF and I are divorced (when she was 3) and he doesn't mind the sleep thing, he'll just let her in the bed. I'm remarried and whilst DH doesn't mind, I want a full nights sleep.

DD says she doesn't know why. She promises to try during the day, but gets scared, I think at night. We've tried reward charts but they don't work and she gets upset as she knows I'm disappointed but she really can't help it.

I'm desperate.

We have our bed plus a single bed in a room for our DS8. He also has a bed in his own room if he wants it. He always chooses to be in ours. Shrug. He'll go to his own room when he's a teenager I'm sure.

Thanks all! I think I've been on MN too long - you get the impression that they've got their sleep-groove by 12m! It's good to see that some kids are just different ❤️

My DD8 struggles to fall asleep on her own and I stay with her. Luckily night wakings are rare these days although when she does wake she needs me there. One thing she has which really helps is a beloved soft toy - he brings her so much security as she is a worrier and over thinker - I don’t suppose your DD has one she could take to bed? Hard to create at the age of 8 I suppose.

@minipie thanks for the suggestion, yes, she has her cuddle cat that she loves so he's always with her!

OP.... just wanted to come on to say hi, and offer some solace. My Dd just turned 11, and slept badly for very many years - only reliably sleeping in her own bed for probably just over a year! I tried many different strategies over the years, with limited success. We eventually realised it was about an underlying anxiety; we started working on this is in gentle ways (not specifically focusing on sleep) - mindfulness and relaxation techniques, a worry book, using sone CBT principles to think about worry, and how to change some behaviours which were reinforcing the anxiety. At the same time, we got pretty tough about the sleep - starting with a mattress on the floor in our room, which she slipped into in the night when she woke up. Bedtime was hard - various painful attempts at sitting by the bed with no talking, moving to the door, etc..... it just took ages and ages to make any change, coming at it from all angles .... probably around 5, maybe 6 months of being really consistent, and I felt like giving up loads of times! It did gradually change over time. Strange suggestion - but If you are totally exhausted it might be worth just letting go for a bit, and going with the flow till you feel strong enough to stick with whatever plan you choose, but starting to just gently think and talk about anxiety generally, and ways of working with that. I really wish you luck - I know I was desperate and exhausted for so long.... it’s still a small wonder to me that DD enjoys her bed now! Things will change, it will just take time.

I have this with dd 5. We have walkie talkies which has helped a bit if she wakes and is scared. I really wish I'd let her pup sleep with her when we got her as I think having her in with her would have done wonders. Don't think pup would take to it now though.

I second the Yoto player. The guided meditations have been great for my 8 year old and bedtime.

I think it's often the case that when you get accusations about poor parenting, it comes from people who've either been really lucky or not had enough children to experience the wide variation that comes with having kids. I've told you about my son above...he's my middle of 3 with the other two having no issues (thank goodness).