Oh help . Have just told family I’m moving out .

[desperatelyneedingidependance]

Now having a massive wobble .

I’m currently living at home with my mum, who has disabilities and needs some level of care (variable) . I’m thirty . I’m studying from home distance learning but have been offered to take up a place face to face learning when and if covid retreats a bit .

I’ve told the uni I’m happy with that . I’ve explained to my mum who says she’s happy with that .

I’ve just explained to my mum’s mother - my gran - who is utterly devastated - almost in tears .

I’m thirty, I want to have relationships, sex, friends, to go out in the evening, to go on holiday, to have my own money, to make my own choices, to make mistakes and to feel independent .

At present I can’t do any of those things - it’s my mums house so her choices etc .

I know I’m going to get a big backlash from family for making this choice and terrified of what’s coming next, hands are shaking but did I do the right thing ?

I keep remembering a conversation with my GP several years ago, GP said to me if I didn’t start putting myself first I’d end up 70, alone and realising I never really had a life .

I’m thirty and already realising I’ve lost out on a lot .

I’m not sure if I’ve done the right thing and if making that decision is just selfish, I’ve already talked to my mums MH team and GP who are in full support, but I’m so worried . I don’t want to fail my mum in some way .

[Lunariagal]

I would agree with pp's that if family are upset by this then the reason is because they are used to you dealing with your mums care, and if you are no longer around, they may have to step up.

Live your life OP.

[billy1966]

@Heatherjayne1972

Your family are reacting because mums care will not be done by you if you move out
And they might have to step in

No that doesn’t make you selfish. You’ve only got one life.
You need to live it.

I agree with your GP

This.

Don't waste a minute with guilt.

Lots of others nearby to help.

Life is so short.
Go for it and enjoy.

[Happynow001]

Another voice saying "go and live your own life" @desperatelyneedingidependance

Sounds like you've done your very best so far, but there are plenty of others in the extended family who can, and should, step in to help. Absolutely time to spread your wings and make a fulfilling future for yourself.

You'll need to be strong in the near/medium future, however, as they'll find it easier to get you back to the Carer's situation you are currently in. Good for your GP, encouraging you to strike out a bit. Very best wishes! 🌹

[sneakysnoopysniper]

Oh god you can’t leave us hanging!! What happened then???

Nothing very dramatic.

There was a frosty atmosphere for a few days. However even my parents could see that four adults and a baby in a tiny two up/two down is not ideal. It gave me the opportunity to maintain some kind of relationship with my family, albeit at a distance.

I moved into my flat. My sister went back to work to support her child and my mother looked after the baby.