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What are your and your partner's most incompatible traits?

57 replies

Rockettrain · 11/02/2021 16:56

Inspired by a 'heated discussion' that I had with DH this morning.

I am a very detail-oriented person and like people to be precise and specific. DH is more laissez-faire and doesn't seem to pay attention to ANY small details. He doesn't read recipes properly. Doesn't read anything properly, really, unless it's for work (apparently). And just generally doesn't put any value on small details being accurate or important. I find the way he communicates very frustrating too, if I say something like 'what time will you be home tonight' he will often respond with something like 'oh I probably won't be back for dinner'. THAT'S NOT WHAT I ASKED! I asked for a time. You are just assuming that I'm enquiring about dinner, which I might be, but it's still not a time. "Not back for dinner" could be 8pm or 11pm.

It drives me up the wall. Yes, I'm probably too highly strung about it and it's probably annoying for him to have me always asking him to pay attention to things that he doesn't see as important (and they aren't, generally, although he does have form for cocking up with semi-important things like house insurance because he hasn't read the details properly). We are just very different in this respect - it has been like this forever and I imagine it always will be.

Does anyone else frequently feel like filing for divorce have one particular different trait to their partner? And do you feel like it's a problem or do you think that overall it makes you a better team?

OP posts:
WeeMadArthur · 11/02/2021 20:03

I’m an introvert, he’s an extrovert. But the main thing is he will watch any sport - football, rugby, tennis, golf, motor racing, snooker, darts, you name it, he will watch it, and then rewind it to explain something in minute detail. I couldn’t be less interested.

Afromeg · 11/02/2021 20:04

We also have Dave, the imaginery guy who lives here so we can sometimes be passively aggressive and blame Dave. Dave has been a right wanker lately.

@SimonJT

🤣🤣 We have a "My cousin", started by dc.

Everyone in the family blames everything on their "My cousin". "My cousin" has no name, although dc's had a name initially. Why dignify "my cousin" with a name when s/he's such a nuisance?!

"Didn't you do x,y,z yesterday?"
"Nope, it was my cousin".

TheCanyon · 11/02/2021 20:12

He's chatty and sociable as fuck, I'd mostly rather chat to myself at home in my jammies.

He's always hot, I'm always freezing.

He's a right moany grump, I'm fairly laidback.

The worst is Music, oh God the music, I love rock/metal. He likes weird scratchy noisy dance/techno shit, I often think one of the dc/pets are crying when he listens to music in the bath Grin

Trinacham · 11/02/2021 20:14

Our film/TV preferences - pretty opposite. Also, he's the sort of person who can watch something on his own, I enjoy watching it with company. It's great, but rare, when we find something we both want to watch and will enjoy!

He's more abrupt/honest/to the point/outspoken. I am shy and don't like to upset people. I don't find this makes us incompatible though.. just very different. He sees things in black and white, I'm more on the fence about things.
We have different sense of humour. We do laugh about the same things sometimes, but generally we'll show each other a funny video and the other won't appreciate it as much Grin

Turnedouttoes · 11/02/2021 20:20

I am impulsive and want things done now. DP likes to think and think and think about something before he makes a decision.
We have a small business that we used to run together. I had to take everything on myself because his faffing was driving me insane and we were constantly arguing. For example, he was working on a website. A month later he’s made a homepage with a logo, despite spending evenings for weeks looking at this non-existent website. He literally waits until the perfect idea comes to him before he gets going with anything. Eventually I took over and built the website in a weekend. It wasn’t perfect but it was a basis for making tweaks and additions etc.
I’ve genuinely questioned leaving him over it. I’m not sure I can spend my life putting up with his dilly dallying.

livefornaps · 11/02/2021 20:27

Mainly what didn't understand about my ex was that he liked his underwear so small and tight that it looked like there was a garden snake lurking beneath a starched fitted sheet... he said he liked his balls, or "giant snake eggs" to "pop back inside his plush man cave"...and yet he loved to air his balls every morning and would reguarly flop his cock onto the breakfast table next to my coffee so that the snake could say hello

toolazytothinkofausername · 11/02/2021 20:30

He rips the cereal box open so I can’t nicely fold it shut Angry gets my goat every single time.

Ragwort · 11/02/2021 20:38

Loads - we can't discuss politics or current affairs because we are so different.
He's a 'half glass empty' type - I'm a 'half glass full'.
He loves sport ... I don't.
Can never agree on what to watch on tv.
He is much more passionate Blush than me, I am quite cold emotionally and refuse to share a bedroom.
Love different types of food.
He loves winter ski holidays - I love a sunny beach.

Can't think why we are still together after 30 years Grin.

Ragwort · 11/02/2021 20:39

live how long did you put up with that for ? Shock

BlackBrowedAlbatross · 11/02/2021 20:52

I am always early, he is always late. It took several years to find a way of managing this.

He is cautious, I'm more likely to just give something a go and see what happens.

I am quite handy, he is not at all. He would never be arsed to read any instructions properly.

I like peace and quiet, he likes noise and will always be listening to something.

I need more sleep and usually go to bed about 3 hours before him.

carlywurly · 11/02/2021 21:06

I buy few but expensive, quality things, he sniffs out all the tk maxx bargains and then charity shops them about a month later in favour of the better thing I said to buy all along. Drives me mad.

Small overlap in music taste but I'm far too radio 1 for his liking. We don't often go to gigs together.

He is a terrible faffer under pressure and can make a drama out of a crisis. I'm decisive and don't procrastinate.

Total alignment in senses of humour, travel habits and fondness for coffee and sleep.

Rockettrain · 11/02/2021 21:40

Oh god how could I forget about the temperature differences?!
DH will refuse to wear jumpers or coats outside of Nov-Feb. March hits and it’s T-shirt’s, shorts, flip flops. He will visibly sweat at any temperature about about 15 degrees. Whereas when we lived in Asia I’d often wear a jumper or cardigan even when it was 25+. We now play passive aggressive games with the heating, him turning it off and me turning it on without saying anything Grin

OP posts:
NotMyPremium · 11/02/2021 22:31

@toolazytothinkofausername

He rips the cereal box open so I can’t nicely fold it shut Angry gets my goat every single time.
Plastic cereal dispensing boxes are your friend here! I have this issue with DP and DS. I decant into boxes.
NotMyPremium · 11/02/2021 22:41

Ours are;

He loves Star Wars, I hate it and cannot sit through them
He is up until early hours and sleeps most of the day (unless working), 11am/12pm is my limit usually and I need to get up and get things done
He crashes about quite a bit, spills things, forgets where he's put something, I never lose things, am very careful and don't make mess and always keep everything in the same places
He loves different food, I'm beige and bland
He would love to go mountain climbing/camping with me, my idea of hell
I love beach/relaxing holidays, his idea of hell and he'd be bored in about 5 minutes
He smokes, I hate it
He would leave the door unlocked and let anyone wander in whenever they like, I want advanced notice and to decide if it's convenient
He will do anything to help anyone, I'm less bothered about helping others quite so much although I think he has the better attitude on this than me

However we compliment each other in sooo many ways I can put these things aside as we have many ways in which we are compatible and we have often said we are the male/female version of each other. We've said before our ex's brought out the worse parts of each other where we bring out the best in each other.

RosesAndHellebores · 11/02/2021 22:43

I'm more extrovert than him
He's deeply musical I am deeply visual
He likes Haywains I like Piper and Passmore
He is pernickety tidy, I am minded to bung things in a cupboard
I would like to travel the whole world, he likes that with which he is familiar

But hey, same politics, religion, values and stuff so 30 years on it's all fine.

Soboredofcorona · 11/02/2021 22:49

I need friends, he doesn’t
I’m messy, he’s tidy
I’m a late night do-er, he like to stay horizontal after 7pm
I love pets, he doesn’t see the point
He’s into tech, I don’t understand it
He’s good with money, me not so much!

But we have fun and laugh about our differences.

Ltdannygreen · 11/02/2021 22:57

I’m optimistic and he’s pessimistic. He’s always looking at the worst in situation, I always look at the good.

StillMedusa · 11/02/2021 23:04

He's always hot (still wearing shorts) I'm under a heated throw!
He gets up early goes to bed early... my natural sleep time is 1am, get up at 8 (sadly I have to get up at 6.30)
He can't throw away a 'good cardboard box'.. I'm the opposite of a hoarder and regularly prune the house.
He can't sing.. I can't dance
His hobbies are physical... cycling, kayaking and he spends a huge amount of time in the cold and wet. I play classical guitar and am learning Italian.
He spends..I save.
We often joke that the only thing we have in common is that we got married on the same day...BUT we've been married over 30 years and raised 4 great kids together. So we must work somehow!

minipie · 11/02/2021 23:14

He’s a lark, I’m an owl

He likes exercise, I have to force myself to do any

If we disagree about something, I will try to persuade him to my view. Whereas he will just agree with me and then do what he thinks anyway.

He’s a pragmatist, thinks the world is fixed and you have to learn to work the system. I think you should at least try to change things if they are wrong

He lives to work, I work to live.

AllMyPrettyOnes · 11/02/2021 23:19

He's an optimist and I'm a huge pessimist

I'm confrontational and he's very timid

He's a hoarder, whereas I chuck stuff away willy nilly

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 11/02/2021 23:24

He breathes. That’s enough to annoy me right now!

Afromeg · 11/02/2021 23:38

Been trying to think of incompatible traits, which to me means they clash with each other, and I really have none. Most of our differences are either insignificant, where we can do whatever and it doesn't affect the other person, or they work side by side but separately or, like I wrote earlier, we have conversations about them and each one allows the other to do what they're better good at. Other than that, we're similar when it comes to important values and are more on the same page in most things than not.

But since pp are just listing differences,

He's a geek/tech-nerd and I'm more of a philosopher and can chat shit all day

He doesn't have the stereotypical 'geeky' look or personality though (He doesn't wear glasses, he's an ambivert, jovial and more outgoing); I would probably fit the stereotype (I wear glasses, I'm an introvert, a homebody, easily socially-overwhelmed and I like my personal space).

I can be anal about things being how they're supposed to be and he just goes with whatever.

He enjoys travelling, I can't be bothered but we do because he makes it easy and fun.

He handles things - knows someone who knows someone who can get something done or goes himself. I can't be bothered to go places/run errands, so I ask him to handle things.

I'm very handy around the house. He'll prefer to have someone (not me) do things unless I offer.

He likes trying different foods. I'm very picky and I stick to what I know.

He never worries. I overthink things.

He's great at both verbal and written communication. I express myself better in writing. This is how we have serious conversations - in writing first, then talk about it.

I can be easily irritated (but it doesn't last long) and awkward. He rarely gets fussed and knows how to engage with anyone regardless of age.

Begonias · 11/02/2021 23:39

DH is a sporty/adrenaline junkie I'm the opposite
He likes change I'm a routine person
He packs an hour before we go on holiday me,2 weeks before
He buys things without looking at the price tag, I look for bargains
I go to bed early and fall asleep instantly,he's goes to bed late
He loves technology, I'm the opposite. Had to get 9yr old help me with teams 🤣

duffmcstockings · 12/02/2021 00:04

He is a cunt. He can be quite sweet and has redeeming features. I am the glue that keeps this house hold together. Sometimes I can be a little cuntlike. But who would blame me. It's a hard road to hoe.

duffmcstockings · 12/02/2021 00:06

Lockdown is not giving our relationships room to breathe Hmm