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Original poster

I hate being a parent

60 replies

OhToBeASeahorse · 09/02/2021 17:47

I'm not after advice. I dont have PND..I just needed to say it.

Anybody else like to join me?

OP posts:
Firebird83 · 10/02/2021 00:45

I have a 2.5 year old too. It’s really hard Flowers

Original poster
OhToBeASeahorse · 10/02/2021 10:01

I'm very lucky that DS goes to the childminder three days a week

It's the constant guilt, worry and relentlessly hard work. I'm done in.

OP posts:
user1471462428 · 10/02/2021 10:06

My friend has a similar age gap and I think she’s a fucking hero even without covid. I have a two and a seven year old but just couldn’t cope with what your doing. It’s unbelievably rubbish right now but things will be easier on summer.

partyatthepalace · 10/02/2021 11:27

It’s a bloody awful stage, even without being in a pandemic! Hang in there but try and appreciate yourself for all you do - we aren’t meant to live like this, and it’s really hard.

Try and let go of the guilt, the kids will be fine. Do you have a DP, are they pulling their weight? Is there any extra help you could possibly pull in?

Summer is coming and a lot of this will start to lift. And if you think it would help you could start to look at going back to work PT?

Honestly this phase is really hard for so many people, but also some people just don’t find the baby stage that alluring, which is fine, so if that’s you, do not feel bad about it.

Original poster
OhToBeASeahorse · 10/02/2021 12:21

DH is working so hard. He is taking DS to the CM and picking him up which is making life so much easier.

OP posts:
Connelloni · 10/02/2021 12:25

I have two small children and am about to have another one. When my two were the ages yours are now I found it such hard work and that was with all the usual support, baby groups, friends and a social life!! You are doing incredibly well just to survive this, don’t put any further pressure on yourself. It gets so much easier as they get older and less dependent, and you will get so much more enjoyment from parenting. You can’t be expected to be loving this right now

Oly4 · 10/02/2021 12:28

Yup, I hated being a parent when my kids were that age. I was trapped, the drudgery was awful and everyone is just so needy.
Then they get older and it gets easier. Hang in there

SingingSands · 10/02/2021 12:46

Oh Seahorse I understand ThanksBrew

Those ages are hard on their own but together must be exhausting. It's not just the physical side is it? It's the mental exhaustion, constantly having to think ahead to what needs doing, planning the day, you never get a chance to switch your brain off.

ThanksGinCakeBrew to everyone parenting tiny children in these times. May these times soon pass.

Original poster
OhToBeASeahorse · 10/02/2021 14:30

Yes that's exactly it. I do genuinely believe that there is something wrong with my daughter but no one will listen. My son is high maintenance. My daughter only sleeps in the sling and cosleeps with me. I have no break from them. I know it will end but its tough at the moment.

I'm knackered from worrying and thinking.

@Oly4 you kindly commented on my thread under a previous name when i was deciding whether to go for a 2nd. I'm grateful for your honesty and support.

OP posts:
Oly4 · 10/02/2021 14:39

Seahorse I think the overthinking and worrying is a sign of how exhausted you are. Do you have a partner who can take them for a day so you can just rest and sleep? Sometimes we just need to stop.
It will end but it’s just so damned tiring. Get a break when you can

Original poster
OhToBeASeahorse · 10/02/2021 15:01

Thanks. I swing from agreeing with you and thinking that it's my gut reaction and I'm right!

DH would take her more but she literally screams the moment I leave her. He doesnt mind, he would walk round town with her to give me .a break, but i dont have the stomach for it.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhToBeASeahorse · 10/02/2021 15:03

DD had her 16 week jabs today and is currently asleep so I'm sitting and watching Downton (im about a decade behind!) With her in the sling, obviously...

OP posts:
PracticallyFloored · 10/02/2021 15:10

It's so so hard. I think anyone with more than one child is an absolute hero, I can't even fathom how you do it. I only have one DC and some evenings I feel like I'm unraveling from the constant worry.

Disco91 · 10/02/2021 15:15

I have the same age gap (two boys, currently 2 years 4 months and a 5 month old) and it’s so tough at times.

I hate it sometimes too so your not alone, normally when I’m manhandling the bus of a double buggy out the front door, or when I’m waking up at 6am as my toddler wakes up having not actually slept since 2am....

When my second was born I was actually getting out the house most days as it was too much to stay at home. Now i have no choice and the weathers shit so I’m sick of being in a 5m x 3m room (our lounge) 7 days a week.

Is your baby in the middle of the 4 month sleep regression? Last month was tough for me too but it’s slightly easier this month now he’s sleeping better (ish) again.

MindyStClaire · 10/02/2021 15:26

Mine are similar ages, and it ain't fun. DD1 isn't too bad as two year olds go (but still, y'know, two) and is in nursery full-time. DD2 is an easy baby (but still, y'know, a baby), so I know I have it easy. But fuck me it's relentless, trapped is exactly how I described it last night. My dad died last month and I've barely cried because frankly I don't have the time or energy to grieve. Honestly I'm looking forward to going back to work for the chance to be me again and not just mummy.

Wrt your baby, DD1 was like that and in her case it was silent reflux, the meds helped a lot. I'm sure you've already considered that, but just in case. Flowers

Brunt0n · 10/02/2021 15:29

I’ve got a 2.5 year old too. They’re bloody hard work aren’t they? I couldn’t imagine having a wee one too, you’re doing to well!

Original poster
OhToBeASeahorse · 10/02/2021 15:29

Thank you. I say its silent reflux. The dr says it isnt. I'm tearing myself up with the idea that she is in pain and I'm not fighting for her. But conversely if it is in my head I dont want to upset her tummy or cause her more issues with meds if she doesnt need them.

I'm so so sorry to hear about your father.

OP posts:
JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 10/02/2021 15:29

Yep.

I love them, by God I really do. But if I had my time again I wouldn't have children. To my surprise, I've found it's not for me. Too late though so I do my very best but I rarely enjoy actively parenting.

FlibbertyGiblets · 10/02/2021 15:29

Oh gosh I have blanked out much of the drudge filled early years.

Hats off to you btw, hard enough having effectively adult kids (the family baby is 18 now) during pandemic, I can't imagine how hard it is for parents of very young children.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 10/02/2021 15:30

But let me say this OP - it gets easier. 2.5 and 4mo are total nightmare ages. Pioor you Thanks

Callcat · 10/02/2021 15:32

Ah fucking hell you're right in the thick of it. I hated the majority of it until they got a bit older and more functional. It also used to piss me off no end that people would suggest depression / PND. NO. Parenting small children, especially not straightforward 'easy babies' is a relentelss, exhausting, boring, thankless soul destroying, hot sleepless mess. It's hard as fuck to the point of impossible at times and I considered running away to start a new life in Guatemala reguarly. And that was during normal non pandemic times! But it did get easier. I'm still not the most brilliant nurturing motherly of parents but we get by alright and I do my best and it is really fun lots of the time.

Original poster
OhToBeASeahorse · 10/02/2021 15:45

You're all lovely.

Thank you. I wish someone could see my baby for more than 10 minutes to tell me if she is normal or not.

OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 10/02/2021 15:47

Why is the doctor saying it's not silent reflux? I hate the reluctance you sometimes hear of to prescribe something for babies. Yes, babies cry, but they shouldn't like my DD1 did, they should be able to lie down occasionally. An adult wouldn't be left like that.

Sorry, that doesn't help you, just a rant. What does your HV say? You may need to push or ask to see a different doctor. Hopefully if you don't get anywhere with the GP it'll improve soon. It's relentlessly hard though, and I didn't have a toddler.

Thank you for your sympathies Flowers

It also used to piss me off no end that people would suggest depression / PND. NO. Parenting small children, especially not straightforward 'easy babies' is a relentless, exhausting, boring, thankless soul destroying, hot sleepless mess. It's hard as fuck to the point of impossible at times and I considered running away to start a new life in Guatemala reguarly.

Yes! I was on a thread the other day where the OP was struggling with an 8 week old non sleeping, velcro baby. She got lots of head tilting advice to contact her GP to talk about her mood, and other posters telling her to savour the cuddles. Angry NO. She needed to be told that it's shit, she's doing well, it will get easier and to just do what she can to get through the day until then. Does my head in.

Original poster
OhToBeASeahorse · 10/02/2021 15:55

He says she should be more unhappy. Basically she just wants to be held by me. She is ok in her pram and will fall asleep for a little bit.
But she is often bubbling at the mouth and is usually a little possety.Some feeds she gets very upset but most she is fine.

I've had a TT cut after weeks of being told she doesnt have one.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhToBeASeahorse · 10/02/2021 15:56

My HVs are non existent.

OP posts: