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Original poster

Would you read a diary if you found it?

77 replies

PandoraIadoreya · 08/02/2021 06:04

I've kept a diary for a few years now and just awake thinking that I should probably hide it now my teens are aware of it. It made me wonder whether people would read a diary if they found one? I'd like to say I wouldn't but, given the opportunity to really know how someone thinks, I'm not sure whether I would be able to resist in real life. Ditto for email /social media hacking, if I had the skills (presumably it's more complicated than just clever guessing of passwords) then I would be tempted.
Has anyone ever done this? Were there consequences? (And tips on hiding my diary too!)

OP posts:
smoothchange · 08/02/2021 16:22

I wouldn't now, I would have as a child/pre teen without the full understanding of what I was doing. As a teenager? No, probably not. I kept my own by then so I would have been aware.

SpilltheTea · 08/02/2021 17:01

Absolutely not. I wouldn't want to know.

Flappypants · 08/02/2021 22:41

My disgusting and abusive ex husband found my journal, read it, and took photos of it. But then he also accessed my email, my phone, put cameras and mics up around the house and went through my personal belongings. We ended up in a refuge (not just over this obvs)! This isn’t what you mean though is it? 🤣🤣🤣 but yes, people do read diaries and it makes them disrespectful shitbags!!

IsitSummeryet21 · 08/02/2021 22:46

A strangers possibly.
A deceased realitive possibly.?
Anyone else no. Unless i thought they were in danger.

BumbleBeegu · 08/02/2021 22:54

I honestly do not believe every one on here who professes that they wouldn't! I just don't. Of course the 'correct' response is a shocked (fake!) "oh goodness, no OF COURSE NOT/invasion of privacy/it happened to me blah blah!"

But bloody hell! You're not all Mother Teresa for heavens sake 🤦‍♀️ If a diary were just lying there open on the coffee table, and nobody was home...you'd be at least tempted to take a peep!

ArosAdraDrosDolig · 08/02/2021 23:04

I wouldn’t read my children’s because it was done to me and my relationship with said parent hasn’t recovered from it.

I don’t think I would read a family member’s because I found out the hard way that their thoughts aren’t things I want to know.

BumbleBeegu tempted maybe but that’s different from actually doing. I have too much experience of the consequences to actually do it.

Relationships will never recover from what happened when people thoughts and actions were revealed in emails and blogs.

suggestionsplease1 · 08/02/2021 23:07

I did. It was an absolute invasion of privacy and completely disrespectful but at the time I just couldn't, or at least didn't, resist the temptation.

It was the diary of a flatmate I had a huge crush on and I wanted to see to have an idea of what she felt about me...it turns out I clearly didn't feature much in her thoughts!

It haunts me that I did it as it is at odds with what I would like to think about myself. It wasn't even left hanging around, it was on the desk in her room.

I think I did learn a lesson and I haven't repeated any violations of privacy since, even when I was very certain a long term partner was cheating and I could have checked their phone I refused to let myself ( I was right about the cheating but it came to light in other ways after they left).

Bloodybridget · 09/02/2021 03:16

I read my mum's after she died aged 85, it was from the last couple of years of her life. I hope she wouldn't have minded, I don't think she would have. Destroyed it afterwards. I just wanted a bit more of her. I was quite confident there wouldn't be anything there that I would regret reading (and there wasn't).

I have got rid of all my diaries and letters though!

FlyingByTheSeatof · 09/02/2021 03:38

No I read a bit of my mum's old diary once that I found and it was really traumatic, so never again.

i also found old love letters my DM and DF had written and I just couldnt bring myself to read them once I'd opened one and realised what they were. They were all tied up individually with ribbons. They're still together now and seem happy.

FlyingByTheSeatof · 09/02/2021 03:45

Although my DD had a sort of journal ages ago in Primary School she wrote a few bits and pieces in and yes I did read that but it wasnt really a diary. Just things like I hate my DB he is mean, my BFF is .... I was actuallly quite surprised at the intensity of her feelings. I cant remember now if she knew I'd read it or not. I have a feeling a read a couple of things from it to her and she may have got a bit cross. But nothing memorable for either of us to have caused an issue that I'm aware of. She can be quite secretive so maybe that's why

DramaAlpaca · 09/02/2021 03:51

@unmarkedbythat

No. My mum read mine and it's the one thing I will never completely forgive. It's a horrible thing to do to someone. It really, really hurt me when it was done to me, it really, really fucked with my ability to trust people, it made me feel violated and exposed and just remembering it has made me feel sick and sad. So, no. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't be so low.
Yes. Same here. My relationship with my mother has never been the same. She shared my personal stuff with my father too, who found my teenage angst highly amusing. They wonder now why we aren't close, but I've never trusted them fully since.
CornishPastyDownUnder · 09/02/2021 03:59

I didnt know people still did diaries-no interest in rifling through someone elses private thoughts.

Sunflowergirl1 · 09/02/2021 06:01

@PandoraIadoreya
"@Sunflowergirl1 what job is that? Law enforcement? Are diaries used by police against people? That's awful!
I know morally that invading privacy is a bad thing (obviously) but I've always wanted to closely understand someone. Just one person! That's why I would be tempted. Yes maybe a strangers diary would be 'easier'. I sometimes wonder about posthumous publishing of diaries (Anne Frank, Ann Lister)."

I don't want to be too open as outing but it is the legal profession. People understandably use a diary as a form of sole therapy in some ways...even politicians like Alan Clark when writing his diaries recorded his inner views and sexual attractions as opposed to just a factual account of what they did that day or week.

Diaries can be used as evidence in some circumstances and it very much depends on what these are.

I think reading some diaries can expose you very much to their inner thoughts as most are written with the intention of no one else reading them. Hence often contain a lot about things that upset the writer, like work situations, how they felt, what people (men) they are attracted to but also sexual experiences in bed and how they felt. So yes reading them gives a real insight...usually to vulnerability but I suppose is what we all have to a greater or lesser degree.

Sunflowergirl1 · 09/02/2021 06:02

I meant to say that all diaries I've read were written by women

unmarkedbythat · 09/02/2021 09:48

@BumbleBeegu

I honestly do not believe every one on here who professes that they wouldn't! I just don't. Of course the 'correct' response is a shocked (fake!) "oh goodness, no OF COURSE NOT/invasion of privacy/it happened to me blah blah!"

But bloody hell! You're not all Mother Teresa for heavens sake 🤦‍♀️ If a diary were just lying there open on the coffee table, and nobody was home...you'd be at least tempted to take a peep!

Really? You don't believe that people who were really hurt by something being done to them wouldn't do it to others? Why?
SnowyBranches · 09/02/2021 09:58

@BumbleBeegu

I honestly do not believe every one on here who professes that they wouldn't! I just don't. Of course the 'correct' response is a shocked (fake!) "oh goodness, no OF COURSE NOT/invasion of privacy/it happened to me blah blah!"

But bloody hell! You're not all Mother Teresa for heavens sake 🤦‍♀️ If a diary were just lying there open on the coffee table, and nobody was home...you'd be at least tempted to take a peep!

I wouldn't but it doesn't make me Mother Teresa - it is not about the morality for me, not all anyway, but the fact I would cringe myself inside out reading it. I just do not want to know anyone's inner thoughts unless they have been properly curated for my attention (like an autobiography). I hate listening to phone-in shows for the same reason, I would rather watch an edited documentary.
Clawdy · 09/02/2021 10:08

I sneaked the occasional look at DD's diary when she was 16. I found she was catching a bus and walking home in the dark from nights out, instead of using money we gave her for a taxi. I pretended one of my friends had seen her walking in the dark, and was worried, so had informed me. I told her she had to get a taxi from now on, and she did. To this day, I never told her the real story (she would be furious! )

LApprentiSorcier · 09/02/2021 10:11

Why would anyone need to lie about this on an anonymous forum? I don't mean that no one ever lies on a forum, of course, but I can't see why anyone would lie answering a direct question like this.

I wouldn't read the diary of anyone I know because it would be embarrassing. Having to talk to them, pretending you hadn't. It would be even worse if you happened to read something about yourself.

Something like this happened to me once, although by accident and it was a letter left lying around, not a diary (this was in pre-internet days). My own name leapt out at me as I was scanning a very untidy desk looking for a cassette tape the desk's owner had said I could borrow. The person didn't know I'd seen it but I was mortified, and the friendship fizzled out within a few months because I could never feel the same about them.

That's why I would never read someone's diary.

steppemum · 09/02/2021 10:14

I wouldn't.
As an adult, there are lots ofreasons why I wouldn't. And I have teens, it would take something extreme for me to read theirs (if they keep one) like them being missing and a police search.

BUT I do think my teens might read mine if I had one. I do think that they are more likely to read it if they found it.

I certainly snooped in my Mum's bedroom at one point as a teen. She never knew and I am embarrassed now.

DareIask · 09/02/2021 10:21

@TreacleHart

My mum died a few years ago, and she used to write diaries . I have 6 or so . I never looked at them as was still feeling fragile about her passing , but a few years ago I was thinking about past days out / family occasions so looked at those dates. In them she had wrote about her day , by writing things like ' and treacle can you remember ...and ' Treacle if you are reading this, it was the best day ever ' It was like she was writing them with me in mind for when I read them. I still can't really read them , but I will never part with them .
What a beautiful thing to have. Hope one day you feel strong enough to read them with a smile Thanks
LizBennet · 09/02/2021 10:55

@BumbleBeegu

I honestly do not believe every one on here who professes that they wouldn't! I just don't. Of course the 'correct' response is a shocked (fake!) "oh goodness, no OF COURSE NOT/invasion of privacy/it happened to me blah blah!"

But bloody hell! You're not all Mother Teresa for heavens sake 🤦‍♀️ If a diary were just lying there open on the coffee table, and nobody was home...you'd be at least tempted to take a peep!

Just because you’re a nosey fucker. Doesn’t make everyone else one.
steppemum · 09/02/2021 11:21

@BumbleBeegu

I honestly do not believe every one on here who professes that they wouldn't! I just don't. Of course the 'correct' response is a shocked (fake!) "oh goodness, no OF COURSE NOT/invasion of privacy/it happened to me blah blah!"

But bloody hell! You're not all Mother Teresa for heavens sake 🤦‍♀️ If a diary were just lying there open on the coffee table, and nobody was home...you'd be at least tempted to take a peep!

I wouldn't. My mum's own mother was very interferring and woudl ahve read her diary, did open her letters etc. As a result she brought us up with a very strict sense of personal privacy, and I owuld find it very hard to break that a read the diary of someone I know. (unless there was a reason eg person missing) So, if i was at someone's house and there was an open diary on the table, no, I wouldn't read it, in fact I would choose to sit as far away as possible so I couldn't see it. Tempted, yes. Nosy, yes, but I have self control which is stronger.

BUT as a teen I did do stuff which was an invasion of privacy, and I would have read a diary if I had found one.
And I would read a strangers if I found it in a house I moved into or in a junk shop, and I would read a historical one eg someone up thread said they foudn Great Uncles's war diary etc

M0rT · 09/02/2021 11:35

My friend found and read aloud parts of my diary to other friends when I was 13.
I haven't written anything since that would embarrass me if read by someone else.
I now need to do that as I need an outlet for my fears and anxieties that is not people close to me as they are dealing with their own worries.
It is proving very hard.
So no, I wouldn't read a diary/letter/text of someone else I knew.

Wearywithteens · 09/02/2021 11:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

HurricaneBitch · 09/02/2021 11:48

I have just destroyed all my old diaries, I hate the thought of someone reading them when I die ... I've also chucked out all my old love letters etc - except for ones written by DH. I have had to clear out possessions after relatives' deaths and it is heartbreaking and embarrassing at some of the things you find. So I would rather sort my stuff out myself !

See, this is the thing that scares me. I wrote a diary when at uni, I was young, gorgeous (although I didn't know it then!) and fancy free, I'd be mortified if my dc had to read about the things I did! I can't bring myself to chuck them though, I went to uni in a different country and the experiences and places I went will keep my happy in my retirement home, lol