How to crack a fussy, picky eater?

[Kroptopbelly]

I’m sick to death of it.
8 years old.
Unless it’s super noodles, spam...SPAM!!! Chocolate or crisps won’t eat! DHs fault as he is the same, drives me bat shit.

Very limited meal options, I try, god knows I try to introduce new things, tonight baby potatoes roasted, wouldn’t try any, I cut it into a tiny piece and asked him to try, he literally pulled away then wiped it off his tongue.
Likes baked & mashed spuds by the way!!!

Have you cracked one like this? How did you do it?
Thanks.

Literally spam super noodles crisps chocolate and baked or mashed potatoes. No fruit, cereal, pasta, cheese, raw veg?

I would ask GP for a referral to a paed to investigate. It could be a swallow disorder, aversion from an early incident with food, an oral issue, "just fussy".

My advice in the interim is do not push food on him. Don't contaminate his 'safe' foods with new offerings. The new offerings can be on a separate plate at the table to familiarise. No comments on consumption/intake.

People will say oh he won't starve, he'll give in, be firm, you're the boss. They could well be wrong and you end up with hospital intervention.

I have never heard of the “cracking” method to be successful and especially not on an eight year old. I’d consider whether there’s some hereditary sensory issues if your husband is the same. And then I’d chill out. Stop badgering, pestering, nagging etc and just let them get on with it. Provide opportunities to try things and model healthy eating yourself but otherwise just forget about it. I have a child with ASD who eats about a dozen foods. It’s inconvenient and annoying. It’s probably not the healthiest although they do eat fruit, carbs, cheese, some non dairy protein and beans, so it’s not terrible. But making everyone miserable over it doesn’t help. The only foods DC has successfully tried and liked have been things he wanted to try, at his own pace and without any comment or cheerleading from me.

What was he like when you were deciding what was on his plate when he was 6/7/8 months old? Or 1/2 years old?

Your DH needs to grow up and model good behaviour. That combined with peer pressure (DD who refuses the slightest hint of tomato sauce on anything at home apparently ate a Domino’s at a friends house) will help things along.

www.arfidawarenessuk.org/

There is a lady on the AMA page who suffers from this.

I think it could be beneficial for you to.read this.

Good luck

He will eat pasta, rice, mild curry, sausages, ready break, baked beans, wholemeal toast, cheese, tomato sauce for Pasta.
He was a great eater as a baby, small child, all home cooked, fresh veg & fruit, but Lockdown, I’m at work, very long hours, dh working from home in charge of food.
I meal plan, do the food shopping and he will stick to meal plan but it wouldn’t occur to him to put any additional veg on the plate because he eats zero fruit or veg, only processed crap.

There are no additional needs, no swallowing issues, it’s just habit.
I’m worried about his poor nutritional intake. He has a daily vitamin with omegas, I have just had a conversation with him about it, he is 8, does understand about nutrition.
He went to the fruit bowl and picked up a pair and devoured it.
Dh won’t grow up, won’t eat by example. He is a lost cause.
He knows my feelings.

Get him cooking. Real versions of favourites initially.

Work you way up to getting him to pick a dish out of a cookbook.

I find it really hard when I read posts like this.

I didn't have "additional needs" or swallowing difficulties but I wasn't just a difficult child. I stayed with my grandparents and they tried the "she'll eat when she's hungry" method and I didn't eat for four days. I had serious difficulties with textures (lumps in wet, things that were grainy, multiple textures in one food), whereas tastes weren't a problem.

The fact that he eats pasta and several sorts of potatoes and tomato sauce and sausages is great. He even eats some fruits by the sounds of it?

The answer to this problem is several fold: 1. Talk to a GP. 2. Build on what you have. It's formally called food chaining - like pears, try pear juice or try apples. Like sausages, try some other types of sausages til maybe he tries chicken sausages or a burger. 3. Do not make food a battle.

P.S I now eat normally and adore food - except for some food intolerances. My brother still has a more restricted diet but eats well enough and is healthy. And it wasn't caused my parents - they are both very unfussy eaters.

We cracked it by taking the pressure off.

Every meal was served family style with at least one food item everyone liked. No pressure to eat or try anything. Bread on the side if it was something new.

Gradually they started trying things voluntarily and now as teens they eat almost everything. They all have a couple of foods they don’t like, but it’s genuine dislike and not fussiness so it’s fine.

If food was plated up for them there would be arguments, tears, faking headaches and stomach aches etc. It took a few months but it worked once the pressure to eat was gone.

You don’t crack them. They aren’t a puzzle. You just keep feeding them what they do eat, offering (WITHOUT AND PRESSURE OR CONSEQUENCES) what they don’t eat and leave them to it. They will work through their own food issues in their own town, when they’re ready.

Signed, childhood “fussy” eater.

You seem to think I’m sitting him in a chair with restraints and shining a light in his eyes, force feeding him asparagus when I say crack!
I mean what methods did you employ to get over this. Obviously.

Yes, positives are the different foods he will eat, I do also try to hide veg in pasta sauces and he has never noticed.
He will eat a fruit prior to a treat food too, but this is very limited.
I’ve just let it get to me tonight. I cook a meal, we all sit down to a meal, faces are pulled, food left on the plates...it’s a potato...he eats potatoes ffs!

Plate taken away, food in bin.
He will love foods as he gets older I’m sure of it.
Another battle in the rearing of kids I suppose.

My 6 yr old DD used to be like that.

I asked her if she would start trying new things at least once and if she didn't like it she'd never have to eat it again. I told her it was really important to me that she tries food once to know what she likes/dislikes.

At 8 could you not just sit him down and do the same?

@MrsPinkCock

We cracked it by taking the pressure off.

Every meal was served family style with at least one food item everyone liked. No pressure to eat or try anything. Bread on the side if it was something new.

Gradually they started trying things voluntarily and now as teens they eat almost everything. They all have a couple of foods they don’t like, but it’s genuine dislike and not fussiness so it’s fine.

If food was plated up for them there would be arguments, tears, faking headaches and stomach aches etc. It took a few months but it worked once the pressure to eat was gone.

Everything I've read says this. We've always done it with ours, no pressure. Makes mealtimes much more enjoyable. It's hard for them having no say over shopping /food/ mealtimes. Give us much autonomy as you would an adult guest.

I had one like this.

Up until about 2 year old he ate anything I put in front of him.

Then it just stopped. There were tears and tantrums (from me mostly!) and in the end I gave up.

When he went into year 5 he started to try more on school lunches. Since he went to secondary he's MASSIVELY expanded his range of food and will try all sorts from the school canteen.

He's 13 and 5' 4" fit and healthy. Actually bordering on lean/muscular for his age and has never had an ounce of "puppy fat".

I was EXACTLY the same and by the time I hit 20 I would eat or try pretty much anything, I love food any trying new things!

Don't sweat it @Kroptopbelly

So we’ve gone from “spam, super noodles, chocolate and crisps” to what I’d describe as “not terribly varied but not that unhealthy, including fruit, protein, multiple kinds of potatoes etc”. I think your frustration with your husband is showing here....

Start by ensuring some of his safe foods are on the table and make no comments about what he eats. Talk about anything else. At least you won't waste food as you can save leftovers that haven't been on plates. Self regulation is a really good skill.

We also tend to get a few things to share in restaurants (remember those? 😭) and try not to over order to take the pressure off. Again making sure there's chips /garlic bread in case they don't like anything else. I know you have the absolute best of intentions but how would you feel if someone was watching you eat and commenting on it? It's so tempting but unfortunately doesn't work for either of you. Wishing you luck and happy mealtimes.

To be honest with the list you posted I think there is a slight over reaction based on your expectations of what he should be eating.

You can’t force anyone to eat. The more you try the more it will become a battle of wills and you won’t win.

Even if your screaming internally don’t let him see it. Offer him food you know he likes at meals, don’t make a fuss. Provide new things to try but keep them away from “safe” foods.

A lot of families have a success with family dining with the food in the centre of the table and a help yourself approach - no pressure that way.

Don’t coerce him to eat, it has to be his choice. Would you like to be pushed to eat something you didn’t like or even didn’t want?

Compromise, patience and no pressure. Only one of my three children is 'fussy'.

DS is now 12 and still does not enjoy food very much but he is so much better than he was at 5. Food is a necessity for him, not something to enjoy - apart from junk.

We have just had a roast dinner, he had chicken, mashed potato and raw carrots with gravy. He was happy with that and ate most of it. I swap the veg that we are having but he doesn't loke, for something that he does. Every now and again I ask if he'd like some of what we are having. Most of the time he says no, sometimes he says yes.

I let him choose some of our meals and he helps to cook. Somethings I know he genuinely doesn't like, others I know that he would just rather not eat them.

I think people with a good sensitive sense of smell and taste are often picky. Getting him to cook would be fantastic. My DS had it in him to be picky. We stopped noticing because there was no pressure. We started asking him about what he liked etc and tried to create it. He's a great cook now, as a teen and still critical in terms of can say what seasoning is needed etc.

All sounds good and doable, thanks everyone.

I have absolutely no interest in what my husband does or doesn’t eat, he is very influential though as he is the one at home cooking & feeding and this has now become a big issue when it wasn’t before.

He will eat a fruit prior to a treat food too

Are you bribing him to eat fruit with treats?

If the answer is yes, you are teaching him that fruit is undesirable which is exactly the opposite of the message he needs.

Another battle in the rearing of kids I suppose

If you think of this as a battle, you are going to have a very rough time. This is not a battle you will ever win.

Make food available, some he likes and other things you hope he might try. Try to keep the overall balance of what is available healthy. That is the end of your involvement.

Don't express any opinion whatsoever on what he eats. Talk about everything else other than food. Don't comment, don't express pleasure if he tries something or disappointment if he doesn't. Your job is to provide the food and his job is to choose from that what to eat. You need to remove all pressure to eat completely.

If your DH can't increase the range of foods he east himself, he could at least avoid commenting negatively about the foods he doesn't like. Make food as low-key as possible. Make mealtimes pleasant, relaxed affairs that don't involve anything approaching food-related stress.

For us, the key is control. Giving her (also 8) control of what she eats and when means she eats more. And open discussion around a healthy diet, not a meal times, more in general conversation. No foods are treats, food is food. She had her own snack box, with both healthy and less healthy options, she can pick but when they have gone, they have gone. She now often picks the fruit and cucumber before the chocolate.
She has recently become veggie, and she knows if she's to be veggie there has to be a veg with each meal and she has to take a multi vitamin.
She meal plans with me and it helps a lot.

Another battle in the rearing of kids I suppose.

You need to drop this attitude. It isn’t a battle. Don’t make it one. There will be no winners. Just lots of bad feeling and a damaged relationship with food. And possibly a parent.