How to crack a fussy, picky eater?

[Kroptopbelly]

I’m sick to death of it.
8 years old.
Unless it’s super noodles, spam...SPAM!!! Chocolate or crisps won’t eat! DHs fault as he is the same, drives me bat shit.

Very limited meal options, I try, god knows I try to introduce new things, tonight baby potatoes roasted, wouldn’t try any, I cut it into a tiny piece and asked him to try, he literally pulled away then wiped it off his tongue.
Likes baked & mashed spuds by the way!!!

Have you cracked one like this? How did you do it?
Thanks.

I agree with @Loopylobes above.

Did no one read OPs second post?! @Kroptopbelly you may not be interested in DP’s diet but if he’s feeding DS and he’s become restricted on his watch, that’s where the problem is.

Why do you need to “crack it”?
It sounds like the only person with an issue is you, tbh.
I was (and still am) an incredibly fussy eater.
Meal times were difficult when I was a child due to health issues my father had and my mother was Anorexic. So, I therefore have food issues, too.
When I had my child, I never ever kicked up a fuss about food. One week they wanted to eat just chocolate. They had it, every meal and snack, until day 4 when declared they declared they didn’t want it any more.
My child was 8 before they realised I don’t eat vegetables (well, not many) because we never made the dinner, tea or breakfast table a war ground.
This child, now a young adult, eats everything and anything, and will try anything and everything.
I believe this is because food was not an issue to battle over.
Please don’t battle, meal times should be nice, not awful. And, not a precursor to eating issues.

No idea if it works but I heard placing a tiny amount of normal food (half a teaspoon( on a dinner plate) and that has to be eaten before 'nice food' can work?

@coronafiona

No idea if it works but I heard placing a tiny amount of normal food (half a teaspoon( on a dinner plate) and that has to be eaten before 'nice food' can work?

We cracked it by taking the pressure off.

Every meal was served family style with at least one food item everyone liked. No pressure to eat or try anything. Bread on the side if it was something new.

Gradually they started trying things voluntarily and now as teens they eat almost everything. They all have a couple of foods they don’t like, but it’s genuine dislike and not fussiness so it’s fine.

If food was plated up for them there would be arguments, tears, faking headaches and stomach aches etc. It took a few months but it worked once the pressure to eat was gone.

This is what we've done. Our only rules are sit nicely at the table and don't talk about food you don't like.

We don't ask them to try anything, get them to eat one more bite, if they don't eat then that's fine if they eat then great.

No idea if it works but I heard placing a tiny amount of normal food (half a teaspoon( on a dinner plate) and that has to be eaten before 'nice food' can work?

It could work or it could make the child feel even more stressed about food, make every meal an ordeal and turn a bit of fussiness into a deeply entrenched eating disorder. Not worth the risk.

It is the parent's job to supply a healthy, balanced range of food and the child's job to select from that what to eat.

My DD is a fussy eater. She never grew out of it and still now at 19 she has a very limited diet. As a way to understand it for pp who subscribe to the "they'll give in eventually", for them it's the same as being given a turd or a kangaroo anus. How hungry would you have to be for that? And how much coaxing would you need to eat it? It's can be a deep-seated psychological issue that so far, despite paying for psychologists, we haven't even managed to resolve ourselves.

I say that the list for lunch is an apple, a packet of crisps a ham wrap or a cheese and cucumber sandwich. It’s up to him the order in which he eats that wee list.

The big rule is that we don’t discuss what we do or don’t like, this has been the rule since having our kids.
They don’t notice dh has no veg or fruit. We say that he has eaten his already.

He helps me meal plan, we bake, he helps me cook...when I am home which is very little due to my very long working hours.
I only have one day off a week. This is filled with laundry, cleaning, food shopping.
I’m shattered all of the time.

Anyway, writing it actually shows me that it’s not so bad. It could be worse, despite it being not as good as it could be.

@coronafiona

No idea if it works but I heard placing a tiny amount of normal food (half a teaspoon( on a dinner plate) and that has to be eaten before 'nice food' can work?

I just wanted to echo what a few other players have mentioned (the ones who have identified as childhood picky eaters), don't make it the hill you wish to die on.

The above suggestion would have made me refuse the whole meal. People say "kids won't let themselves starve"... They are wrong, I was quite happy to do so to avoid things i didn't like. I belive my record was around 5 days as a child, before my mum cracked. She had decided to serve me the same meal breakfast, lunch and dinner until I finished it (steak and kidney pie of all things?!)... She caved before I did.

My issue was mainly texture (some tastes, but mainly texture). Certain foods, if I'm forced to put them in my mouth, make me vomit instantly. I wasn't a picky eater deliberately to piss my mum off, it was distressing and upset for me, not something that could just be "cracked". According to my mum I was the same as a baby/non verbal so it wasn't an cognitive/independence thing either.

I'm better than I was as a child, there are some things I've grown into. But there are still some things I have accepted that I will never enjoy.

This is a DH issue!

DS is just copying him.

We have a fussy eater who'd rather not eat anything than something he things he doesn't like (detect my note of bitterness there). We've made the choice to not treat mealtimes and food as battlefields and often offer an option (if we eat stew we might fry him a few fishfingers or whatever). He's miles better now at 14. The other day we went to an Indian restaurant by his request (no, we're not in the UK and not in lockdown) and he ordered something new and ate it even though it was covered in sauce. That's just to say there is hope!

Anyway, the big turning point for us came some years ago when he watched youtube videos of "kids trying new foods". Something about if they did it, he wanted to. Don't underestimate the power of influencers. He did discover the videos himself though, I don't know how to go about introducing them without the ruse being transparent.

I can't describe how amazing it was to hear him say "I'd like to try kimchi"!

Videos like this one:

One rule i did have and was firm on is. NO pulling faces at the offerings. NO "Thats disgusting" NO ewww no yucky etc use your table manners and be polite. It made the situation around food less of a battle for me as the negativity was taken out. I allowed them to not eat what they didn't want without a fuss but pulled up sharply on any negative table manners focused on the table manners not the food .

No idea if it works but I heard placing a tiny amount of normal food (half a teaspoon( on a dinner plate) and that has to be eaten before 'nice food' can work?

I can guarantee you didn't hear it from any qualified sources.

OP, my DS has ARFID and sees a dietician due to his restrictive eating however her advice also applies to children who don't have ARFID so happy to share it here.

• don't make meals a battle, stress and strife will make it worse

• the main meal of the day (for us, its teatime) should be two courses of a main followed by a simple dessert such as fruit or yoghurt. One is not conditional on the other and the second course is given regardless of how much or little of the first course is eaten as it is one complete meal. The main idea behind this is that the child gets enough calories across the two courses, it also reinforces that food is not a punishment or a reward

• in that vein, never ever use food as a bribe, a reward, or a punishment (e.g., stay at the table until finished)

• where possible serve meals 'family style' from shared dishes in the centre of the table so that everyone can fill their own plate with the foods they choose and not take any that they don't want

• make sure every meal includes 1-3 'safe' foods so that there is never nothing for the child to eat

• put the meal out and after a reasonable amount of time (30-40 mins) end the meal without comment on how much or how little has been eaten

• never ask for one more bite, never beg, cajole, plead, bargain, etc, never ask for it to just be tasted or for to just have a little bite, none of that.

• if very little, or nothing, has been eaten then try stretch to the next mealtime unless they seem particularly hungry or its going to be a long time until the next meal (e.g., overnight to breakfast) in which case a basic snack should be offered around an hour after the meal

Something we've found really useful (in non COVID times!) is to take the child supermarket shopping when it's quiet and they can engage with it. Something I normally avoid!

I found that letting my child choose (within reason) some foods, talk about what ingredients were and what we could make with them etc all stoked enthusiasm. I also used to get her to help me prepare, this really helped with eating salad and veg (she always ate fruit). We'd go from nothing to her picking up a bit of yellow pepper to lick, then a bit of lettuce to nibble at and that progressed (over weeks and months!) to her eating most of this sort of food raw. She ate her roast dinners (well, the meat and gravy!) with raw veg for ages.

No pressure, no fuss at mealtimes. Doesn't want it? Then it goes in the bin, nevermind. I never did the punish them or 'starve them out' thing but I never made multiple meals either. If dinner was refused she got something really boring like toast or a crumpet and plain yoghurt with few berries for 'pudding'. Full belly but no learning they can fuss about what you served and get something 'nicer'.

She's five now and eats almost normally - I still can't get her to eat potatoes though, in any form not even chips! Meh, I pick my battles. My two year old is just hitting the fussy eating stage too after weaning beautifully, but I'm more chilled this time. She'll also get over it, eventually.

I should also add that my eldest has ASD, so some of her eating issues have been texture/sensory related. Still, gradual exposure with no pressure has helped!

I'm not sure not discussing likes and dislikes is a good idea. All people have them and it's ok. We talk openly about likes and dislikes and how those change over time. I didn't used to like curry, and now I do. I don't like ice cream, but she and daddy do.

We don't discuss how much of things we eat, but we do talk about the need for variation, and we try new things. It's ok to say I don't really like that but it is important to at least touch, smell, and eventually taste it. (Sometimes this takes time touch to begin with, smell and then later taste). We also look at the same thing tastes different when cooked differently. She doesn't like tomatoes but does (now !) like pizza.