Tips for helping me simplify life?

[Rockettrain]

I feel like I am constantly chasing my tail. Life is busy but no more so than for any other young family - me and DP both work full time but compressed into 4 days. We each have DD(2) one week day and she goes to childcare the other 3 days. Work is pretty full on although we are lucky to have some flexibility in our hours and no long commutes.

DD is very hard work due to a developmental delay. She used to sleep well at night but this stopped recently - last night we were up with her from 12-3am. I’m 6 months pregnant with DC2 so I’m knackered. My DM recently moved nearby but she’s not able to help with DD much for various reasons.

I feel like I’m really not on top of things and am always behind on life admin. We moved house a few months ago and the whole place needs redecorating as well as some building works so trying to plan all that is a bit of a time suck. But then there’s always other stuff I need to do or haven’t done, it’s someone’s birthday, car breaks down, food shop needs doing, I always need to go to the sodding post office. It stresses me out that I end up not on top of meal planning, the washing, keeping in touch with friends etc.

I know there’s a couple of habits I could try to get better with - I sell outgrown clothes etc on eBay and it is quite annoying with the postage and takes time. I could try and do it less often. I also try to buy our own stuff second hand which can be a faff especially if you buy off marketplace, I feel like I’m always due to go and pick something up. Although I don’t want to start buying everything new as I’m trying to save for the house work. Plus at the moment shopping online, when I do, I end up buying several of the same thing so I can choose my favourite (eg DD needed new tights but I couldn’t see them properly on the website so I bought three different types, picked the nicest and now I need to return the others). So I could try to cut down on buying stuff unless essential.

Sorry that was long. Please give me your tips on how to make life more simple, without spending loads of money!

Ps. DH does take responsibility for some things but he isn’t great to be honest. But he does do a lot of childcare at the weekends etc, probably more than me, he takes DD out every day. He could do more admin though and I have the mental load of remembering shopping/birthdays/house insurance etc.

Honestly at the moment massively reduce your standards and your timeline for getting the house done. Staying sane really matters and the house stuff will get done when it's ready.

Sounds like you deserve a medal for working, and taking care of DC under lockdown conditions already

I can also recommend getting a robot hoover! They are brill.

Do you have a local Facebook selling group? I've switched to that from eBay as it's a lot less faff.

Well stop selling clothes that you may need for Dc2 would be a start.,
Otherwise, yes, if you work full time and are quite pregnant, it is going to be full on. But, you’ll be on mat leave soon.

Honestly? Cut yourself some slack. Your life sounds really full on rn. Could you live with the house as is for a bit and just focus on resting up and looking after yourself?

Do you "need" to do stuff? Are you selling clothes that could be used?

Is there urgency to selling the clothes for cash?

Obviously try not to over order and oblige yourself with returning. Did the nicest tights really matter - i understand if there's an issue of fit or it hy fabric but design - why bother?

Decorating probably shouldn't be on the list at this stage.

Who keeps having birthdays? Get a box of cards and generic gifts, ideally don't do gifts unless for very close people.

Foodshop - click and collect? I use Aldi, can you plan a weekly or two weekly slot?

Sometimes an hour of planning knocks off hours of faff but
I sympathise, meal planning in particular is dull.

I have a perpetual birthday calendar and write all the years cards over a few days.

Everything is written on calendar - when a delivery is coming, when I need to order the animals medications.

Reminders in my phone - some are set to tell me every day until I do it then I cancel it.

I have a list of most of the food in the freezer and all the fridge stuff with use by dates so nothing is forgotten. I meal plan 75% of the time but when I haven't I look to see what the next food item needed to be used and make dinner from that.

Don't iron, ever.
Get a cleaner in if you can possibly afford to
Online shop, and use something like simply cook to meal plan
Big excel sheet of home insurance, car mot, birthdays, parking permits etc,
Never buy or organise birthdays for partners side of the family
Split the jobs with partner, I do car administration, dh does utilities
And most importantly -if you are tired, rest, if you are thirsty, have a drink of water- everything can and will wait,

@LunaHeather I think I have a bit of a thing about wanting to make sure I’ve got the ‘best’ thing. I don’t mean like the most expensive or the best brands, maybe I mean like the best bargain? For example if I’m looking for pink tights and I don’t want to spend more than £5 then I might browse a few and I can’t decide which will be nicest or I’ll like the most. I hate it when I buy something in a rush and then find a similar version but nicer and cheaper. I honestly don’t know why I care, mostly I am talking about stuff that no one would even notice (like tights, ha). I think I’m really indecisive and change my mind a lot and I struggle with pretty small decisions. But then when it comes to big things (like moving house) I’m really blasé and don’t put too much thought into it and think oh well I’m sure it will turn out ok. Now I’ve written it down it sounds really weird... like I’m obsessing over making decisions about really small things? I’m a bit of a control freak so maybe I feel like those choices should be perfect because I’m in complete control of them so I should be able to make sure I get the best outcome. I had to choose some blinds for the lounge and I must have spent hours looking, in the end I was so afraid of choosing the wrong ones ie regretting my decision that I ended up getting the really cheap and boring ones and I don’t even like them much at all but the decision just became too overwhelming. Maybe I need therapy?!

Birthdays - I have six siblings and 16 nieces/nephews

If your childcare is a nursery setting (rather than a childminder), deal with the requests for money/outfit/whatever as and when they come in. Saves you from having to panic the night before, or forgetting altogether.

Order your groceries online, to be delivered at a time convenient to you.

If you are making something like bolognese sauce/lasagna/stew etc, make more and freeze the leftovers. Have these for dinner the following week.

Personally, I would stop ordering multiple items of clothing. Choose the one you like, send it back if it is horrible when it arrives but otherwise you will hopefully make good choices and it will save a few trips to the post office.

If you are buying a birthday present for someone who doesn't live with you, choose somewhere that does gift wrapping and have it delivered to the recipient direct. I used Amazon for this at Christmas, and will certainly be using in the future!

OP the cheap boring blinds are a good decision. You have money for other things.

Give yourself a time slot for choosing trivial stuff like tights.

I have to be honest, with that number of kids, I'd ask if everyone coukd agree to bo g

If you have as much on your plate as you say, then why are you ordering lots of tights to find the perfect one? Then sending the rest back? They are tights, 99% will do a very adequate jobs and are not worth the hassle or time spent on them. Decide on a few shops that you know have decent quality without breaking the bank be it supermarket or high street and make them your go to places.

You will soon have a baby and a child with SN while both working full time. It’s perfectly respectable to send cards on line and or with a gift card for the next year or so. Failing that gift wrap costs the same posting twice so just send directly.

Oops

To agree to no gifts or tiny gifts eg chocolate so you can just buy a load in one go. Definitely get a big box of birthday cards, one roll of wrap that can be used for all.

Agree, if you are cooking, do a batch for freezing.

I have some stuff to ebay and I'm not going near it for now. Is it urgent? Can you just cross it off the list or split with DH?

Ok so:

Meal planning - get 6 weeks' meals planned and rotate them. On your day off make a dish that you can freeze. Put that frozen meal in 3 weeks later on a day you are working. Eg make 2 x lasagnes, put one in freezer and make sure it's on the plan for a day a few weeks down the line when you're working. Buy frozen onions, peppers and mushrooms, you'll always have a stir fry..

Stop overthinking purchases. Order food online, but once a month go to a superstore and buy all you need tights, cards, presents. Tesco do a 29p birthday card range. Buy nephews/nieces of similar ages/interests the same thing on 3 for 2 - Lego sets, make-up etc. Keep generic gifts in cupboard that you've picked up - play doh, Spirograph, Puzzles etc. Keep 2 rolls of multicoloured stripy wrapping paper. You'll thank yourself.

Put loyalty cards in your apple wallet

Firstly I noticed this "For example if I’m looking for pink tights and I don’t want to spend more than £5 then I might browse a few and I can’t decide which will be nicest or I’ll like the most. I hate it when I buy something in a rush and then find a similar version but nicer and cheaper". I used to do that (a symptom of ADHD) and I solved it by by sternly preventing myself from looking for that item again as soon as I'd bought it. No more comparison/decision anxiety. Also life is simpler if you just don't have stuff.
Secondly with eBay. Get rid of what you've got but be realistic about acquisitions. What profit you're making once you factor fees, time spent, packaging materials had better be worth it. Only sell what will give a real profit - you and your time are valuable! Surely you have a cut and paste of your terms and conditions - just say to buyers "post is on Tuesday morning" for example and do just one trip. If they don't like your terms they shouldn't bid. Good luck.

6 weeks meal planning? 2 max.

Agree re frozen onions. I must admit i didnt know they existed till
I read about it here. So useful. I kept other frozen veg but not those because I didn't know.

My top tips are:
Timetree shared calendar app. Everything goes on there and it cuts down on the "I definitely told you!" arguments.
Eufy robot hoover. Life changing.
Click and collect weekly shop. This saves me hours every week.

Also I used to be obsessed with selling on Ebay. I stopped because of Covid as I didn't think it was an essential thing to do. I didn't realise how stressed I was with it until I stopped and just gave the clothes away instead (and I didn't notice a difference in finances)! I've started posting a few things again but have discovered Parcel Postboxes. Print the label off at home then just bung the parcel in your nearest one. The downside is no proof of postage but so far I've never needed it anyway.

In normal times I give away outgrown clothes and equipment to a kids charity shop near me and buy second hand kids clothes from the same shop. I couldn’t be bothered with selling on eBay - my time is worth more to me than the money.

I have done a lot of ebay sales when i was cash poor and time rich. As the photographing and the wrapping and the post office is a huge overhead unless you really need the money. What is your time worth? How badly do you need the money right now?

Can you label them up and put them in the loft for each season and then sell for that season next year when on mat leave and have more free time?

If you do need the cash can your husband help with the side hustle. If you list and wrap and he do the post office runs.

Can you have a 'for the post office' box in the hall.

I try to do one piece of life admin a day. I use a trello board to track it. Can see it on phone and work laptop. On a day off or weekend ill blast an extra one or two. I am afraid i think its all about lists planning and organisation, tedious i know.

Slow cooker. Meal planning. Online deliveries. Hello fresh?

Stop buying for nieces and nephews? Surely everyone would thankyou if there are16! Thats 32 gifts a year you are better off.

Thanks everyone some good suggestions. I want to try and get on top of meal planning, toddler is very fussy though which is an added headache. We end up eating the same stuff all the time then j get really bored.

@MenaiMna interesting that you mention ADHD. A very good (female) friend of mine was diagnosed as an adult and she said it made so many aspects of her life suddenly make sense. We talked about it and had a lot of similarities, I particularly struggle with procrastination at work (not really at home) and have to have an imminent deadline to force me to complete tasks which adds extra unnecessary stress for myself. Maybe I should look into it more. I was very academic at school but always told off for chatting too much and never did my homework on time

@utterfailureasamum I had considered not buying for nieces and nephews, but from a purely selfish perspective... my DD is the youngest of all her cousins and I have spent the past 20 years buying birthday and Christmas gifts for all the kids in the family. If I was now to suggest that we stop then my DD wouldn’t ever get anything from her aunties and uncles even though I have bought for their kids all this time! Plus my neblings are starting to reach the age where we don’t buy any more, eldest nephew is 27 and has a full time job! Eldest niece is 20 so I’ve stopped buying for her, I will generally stop after their 18th I think.

I’ve got a big box of cards and stamps but still too bloody disorganised to get round to sending them on time!

Hi OP. There is so much I relate to in your post, it feels like I am reading about myself! Particularly the parts about indecision and procrastination. Although my procrastination applies to home life as well as work! I am trying to change the way I do things and have implemented quite a few of the tips on here.. With regard to meals - I also have a very fussy little one but he does like soup so usually I make a big batch at the weekend and it covers a few lunches each week. Is that something you've considered?
I am considering getting a robot hoover as I spent so much time hoovering each week. I'm not obsessed with having an immaculate home but I feel much better when things are cleaner.
I have given up a bit with tidying - I realised with all of us being at home so much it's pointless tidying up several times a day for it to just get messy again.
I'll be watching this thread with interest as I'm sure there will be some good tips.

Hi OP I also have a tendency to feel like I need to get the best bargain/value for money/ quality etc with purchases. I am trying to embrace 2 ideas:
1 is to try to aim for 'good enough' rather than perfect when buying something. If you can see a few pairs of tights and say are any of these good enough for what I need them for (for quality or price or aesthetic or whatever) then I try to just get it rather than keep looking. It's hard! Sometimes I'm more successful than other times.
The other is to set a price under which you don't go hunting for a bargain or better price if you find a product that is good enough. E.g. for purchases under 25 quid for full price items like kids clothes, a top for you, plastic storage tubs, whatever- if the product is something that is usually under 25 at full price and you find what you want, then just go ahead and buy it rather than hunting for it cheaper elsewhere. I find this very hard and thought everyone was supposed to hunt for the best bargain. But I discovered my DH goes shopping and just buys what he needs when he finds it, without worrying whether it's cheaper elsewhere, and is done in minutes rather than wasting hours looking at all the shops. It was very eye opening!

No more eBaying! Set yourself a time limit for shopping for items too - they're just tights.

Royal Mail and Hermes both do collection at home for your post.

Honestly, it sounds like that alone would free up a LOT of headspace.

Could you afford to send your little girl to the nursery for four days, so you would have one day off work but with her at nursery? This would be your planning/ organising day.
Meal planning will be really helpful because it has a positive impact on your shopping, cooking, budget, etc. It makes everything else easier,including introducing new foods to your little girl. It doesn’t matter if your menu is not super varied at this stage, start basic and then build up on that.
Leave all that Ebay stuff because it is such a faff for not much money back and you are a busy mum. Sell the big ticket items on Facebook groups or Ebay, but leave all the rest. This is a task that your husband could do, you say a lot is left to you but to be honest if you have a baby on the way, he will have to step up. You shouldn’t have to manage almost everything in a family life with two little ones. It’s great that he is good at taking the toddler out etc but he needs to do the boring bits too plus mental load.

If you think it's a problem get yourself on a waiting list for diagnosis. The procrastination etc can be anxiety too. I first suspected the ASD problem in my late 30s and was only given some official labels after I turned 50. Like a lot of parents here it was getting my child diagnosed that really woke me up. At a certain point the label doesn't help - you are you and that's great. ASD is a reason not an excuse and you will happier if you can embrace the solutions offered.

Sorry reading back that tone was really straight and harsh and that's not what I'm feeling. I'm really sympathetic to your problem and really hope you get some good workable answers.