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Original poster

Anyone up who can help, phonecall from hospital

117 replies

Toorapid · 06/02/2021 03:43

DH has been in hospital for 4 weeks, cancer.

Lots of pain and can't get out bed but has been mostly cheerful, until the last few days when he's confused and incoherent.

Yesterday he called me twice but didn't speak and was sobbing. I called ward who said they'd check on him but didn't have time to get back to me and let me know what's going on. They said the sister would call me before the end of the day, but she didn't.

He's just called again. Didn't say anything, grunts and generally sounding distressed.

What do I do in the middle of the night?

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 06/02/2021 03:47

can you text him.
dont ask any questions, just some kind words of love and support.

alexdgr8 · 06/02/2021 03:48

maybe you could ring the ward after 7am.

TheUnexpectedPickle · 06/02/2021 03:48

Call the ward and insist they check on him. Stay on the line if possible.
They're there, they're awake and working. They shouldn't mind and may actually be able to help.

Hope he is OK love Flowers

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Skweeler · 06/02/2021 03:49

I would call the ward now for an update. Hope you get to the bottom of it. Sending love xxx

Poppins2016 · 06/02/2021 03:50

Can you call the ward and speak to the night staff? Especially given the fact you didn't get an update and your DH is sounding distressed, I don't think they would think badly of you for asking them to check on him.

This sounds very distressing for both of you. Flowers

thaegumathteth · 06/02/2021 03:54

They're there to provide care 24/7 please call the ward and be polite but firm that you're really concerned and need to know the situation.

Cantchooseaname · 06/02/2021 03:54

I would also call now. Explain what had happened, ask for update. It’s absolutely fine to want to know what is going on with the person you love.

Lovelydovey · 06/02/2021 03:55

Call the ward - they won’t mind.

We’re here, holding your hand virtually, while you do so.

Original poster
Toorapid · 06/02/2021 03:56

I don't know, is it ok to call in the middle of the night? I'm thinking of the other patients.

He's clearly not doing very well, but they can't change that and while he was able to tell me about it, he was very happy with the care he was getting in the ward, so I have no reason to think they're not doing what they can.

I've sent a text but I don't think he can see them. Last time he tried to reply to me, it was just a bunch of letters, not even attempts at words.

OP posts:
MonkeyPuddle · 06/02/2021 03:58

Ed ward nurse here, I work in general practice now though.

Call the ward, the staff are there working.
They should have got back to you before and the fact that you think he might be distressed is more than enough reason.

Plus you’ll not sleep thinking about him. Call the ward lovely x

MonkeyPuddle · 06/02/2021 04:00

*ex not Ed.

starrynight21 · 06/02/2021 04:02

@Toorapid

I don't know, is it ok to call in the middle of the night? I'm thinking of the other patients.

He's clearly not doing very well, but they can't change that and while he was able to tell me about it, he was very happy with the care he was getting in the ward, so I have no reason to think they're not doing what they can.

I've sent a text but I don't think he can see them. Last time he tried to reply to me, it was just a bunch of letters, not even attempts at words.

Middle of the night is fine - possibly better because the staff are not so busy. And no it won't bother the other patients , they won't hear the phone. Nurses would normally have a phone in their pocket with just the vibration working.

Your description sounds as if he is possibly on some new medication which has this side effect. If he is in a lot of pain, maybe he is getting some opioids which would make him confused.

You've every right to ask the staff what is going on, and if he is taking something which is making him like this.

Best wishes to you both .

TheoriginalLEM · 06/02/2021 04:03

Call them, this is torture for you Flowers

Lovelydovey · 06/02/2021 04:06

It’s ok to call in the middle of the night - the ward won’t be silent. I rang all hours of the day when my DF and DM were in hospital for reassurance - if they hadn’t responded to messages or were saying concerning things. I was never treated with anything other than respect.

I’d also think about putting in a complaint to PALS about communication. It is very difficult for ward staff at the moment, but given so many restrictions on visiting, they do need to keep family up to date on developments via phone.

Original poster
Toorapid · 06/02/2021 04:08

Ok, I've spoken to them.

They say he is coherent and had called the nurse in pain, they've given more pain relief and he's asleep now.

In the last three days I've spoken to two nurses (including this one) and a doctor who have all insisted he's perfectly sensible but drowsy because of the pain relief, but I haven't been able to have a conversation with him since Tues.

Looking back through my texts, he was sending lovely messages, full paragraphs, including punctuation until Tues. Then he stopped, but could still send short replies to mine and now this.

But at least if he's sleeping he's comfortable now. Thank you.

OP posts:
M0rT · 06/02/2021 04:09

I have been an inpatient a few times and night is actually a good time to call a ward.
The staff are still busy but less frantic and will have had a handover on your DH at shift change and possibly also been doing OBs during the night.
I hope you get an answer soon and your DH is ok. Flowers

Lovelydovey · 06/02/2021 04:11

Good news and I hope the reassurance helps you sleep.

If it also helps, write a list of questions you have about his condition and care to ask on your next update call. It might help you feel more in control of what is a difficult and changing situation.

MonkeyPuddle · 06/02/2021 04:19

Ah my love I’m glad you rang and that he’s ok.
Hopefully they’ll be able to titrate his pain relief down so he’s not so squiffy from it soon.

Big loves, try and get some sleep

sashh · 06/02/2021 04:30

I was taken in as an emergency and had oramorph, I thought I was coherent and called a friend, he told me afterwards I sounded drunk.

Pain meds are often medically tested versions or recreational drugs, they can dull your pain and make you want to talk, but you don't make sense.

Try to get some rest and call him in the morning (civilised morning).

Stillfunny · 06/02/2021 04:32

Glad to hear you got some information. It is dreadful that you are unable to visit and be with him. Such a hard time for you both. Hope you have lots of support in RL.

Original poster
Toorapid · 06/02/2021 04:32

He's been taking oramorph since he was admitted and has been slurring a bit, like a drunk, but he hasn't been incoherent and unable to speak or operate the phone. This is a huge change in the last couple of days.

OP posts:
Coldhandscoldheart · 06/02/2021 04:33

I’m glad you’ve phoned. I’ve followed your threads. I just have missed it, but I’m assuming you can’t visits due to COVID restrictions?

Things I would consider
Phone the ward in the morning ask if someone can phone you today (unfortunately as it’s a weekend, it may not be someone senior or who knows him well).
Explain you realise they’re busy, but you’re really concerned. Explain the deterioration in his texts and that he has phoned you several times incoherent and groaning.
Ask if the palliative care team have been involved & if not, can they be.
Email/phone the secretary of his oncologist (who I understand hasn’t met him). Sometimes external input is a good thing.
And then keep phoning (on Monday) and asking the same things til you get answers. I hate this, but sometimes being the squeaky wheel is what gets results.
Try and get some names of people eg the ward sister, his consultant, any if the junior staff you speak to (incl nurses). Doesn’t have to be in an aggressive ‘and I’m writing your name on my List’ kind of way, but helps to make contact.
Good luck I think a lit of people are thinking of you both and I’m sure will be along with better ideas.
Ps it’s always okay to phone in the night if you’re worried.

Original poster
Toorapid · 06/02/2021 04:36

Thank you. My next big concern is that he has a telephone appointment with the oncologist scheduled for Monday. No idea how that's going to work.

No, no visitors, which wasn't too bad when we could chat, but now...

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/02/2021 05:35

I suppose you can't set him up on Messenger for a video call, no? that might be a better option. Or, in daytime, ask the nurse to do it for you on his phone so that you can at least SEE him. They've been doing it for covid patients, so I can't see why they wouldn't do it for your DH - I know they're busy but still.

Isabeller · 06/02/2021 05:42

Awake with poorly child and spotted your thread. Thinking of you both.