Anyone up who can help, phonecall from hospital

[Toorapid]

DH has been in hospital for 4 weeks, cancer.

Lots of pain and can't get out bed but has been mostly cheerful, until the last few days when he's confused and incoherent.

Yesterday he called me twice but didn't speak and was sobbing. I called ward who said they'd check on him but didn't have time to get back to me and let me know what's going on. They said the sister would call me before the end of the day, but she didn't.

He's just called again. Didn't say anything, grunts and generally sounding distressed.

What do I do in the middle of the night?

The oncologist is probably waiting for the appointment next week. Is it usually voice or video?

[quote EleanorRigbyWasReal]@callmeadoctor... that’s how wards used to be.

Things have changed massively in the NHS. Long before COVID19 came.[/quote]
Sorry? Wards used to be short staffed on a weekend and now aren't? Or wards used to have an iPad available and now don't? Not sure which you mean? x

Sorry. I just remember a very different NHS in terms of staffing and care. Perhaps I’m wearing rose tinted glasses but my experience following the death of both parents within 5 months of each other, last year, brought me up short.

I trained as an RGN. Worked my way up from student to senior sister level over many (many!) years, long before every nurse needed a degree and frankly, I wouldn’t have allowed the nursing care, or lack of, I saw delivered to my parents and others, recently. Yes, we were always short staffed. No, we didn’t have enough equipment/hours in the day. And yet, what I witnessed, pre-COVID19 was shocking.

I will never forgive and forget.

@EleanorRigbyWasReal

Sorry. I just remember a very different NHS in terms of staffing and care. Perhaps I’m wearing rose tinted glasses but my experience following the death of both parents within 5 months of each other, last year, brought me up short.

I trained as an RGN. Worked my way up from student to senior sister level over many (many!) years, long before every nurse needed a degree and frankly, I wouldn’t have allowed the nursing care, or lack of, I saw delivered to my parents and others, recently. Yes, we were always short staffed. No, we didn’t have enough equipment/hours in the day. And yet, what I witnessed, pre-COVID19 was shocking.

I will never forgive and forget.

Totally with you on that count Eleanor xx (I could write a book.............!)

If you look on the hospital's website page OP, there should be contact details for a staff member who can facilitate a FaceTime visit for you. It may be via PALs. All hospital wards are supposed to have iPads during the pandemic.

Good morning @Toorapid

How were things last night?

Well, I don't know. I haven't heard anything from him since that 3:30 call yesterday morning.

I suspect his phone needs charging. I've been sending occasional short messages that don't need a response, so if he can see them, he knows I'm thinking of him, but not too many because I don't want him to be distressed that he can't respond.

I did ask the nurse yesterday to help him call if he was alert enough, but that didn't happen and she didn't get back to me about visiting, although she did only say she would if the answer was yes and she didn't expect it to be yes.

@Toorapid

So sorry. What a state of affairs. We know the wards are busy. We know there’s a crisis happening. I would have phoned anyway, just to say “how are you Mrs Toorapid? Hubby’s more settled/eaten/sleeping/not as distressed”.

Different world now, in “care”.

A neighbour was in hospital last year. She was so upset by what she saw. Food left going cold on trays/people desperate for the toilet and staff standing about showing each other on their phones, what they’d bought for their husband’s birthday.

Tomorrow morning, I’d make that complaint. Loud and clear. Respectfully as your stress levels will allow, but LOUD.

I have just spoken to him actually. I rang to test the theory that the phone was dead, expecting it to go straight to voicemail, but he answered. He's still muddled, but sounds more himself, more like he was when things started to glow downhill than he's been the last couple of days iyswim.

Good. That’s a small improvement then.

Glad that things sound a bit better today

So sorry to hear this. It's really difficult at the moment without visitors when someone is delirious, sometimes the patient will be entirely coherent and appropriately answering questions but only family notice they are delirious. I would always take a family member at their word and act upon it because I once had a lovely old lady who was good as gold to me who then phoned her poor daughter the minute I left saying she was going to punch the porter! It would most likely be acute delirium from the infection which would clear when the infection clears or that he would be a little opioid toxic from his strong painkillers which you have to wait until the effects wear off so can take a good day or so to clear from the system.
He is understandably in a lot of pain from the cancer and he needs appropriate analgesia and there will be a little trial and error until he finds what works for him while managing side effects. Palliative care are experts in this, glad to hear they are involved.

If he was in a single room, with a terminal diagnosis and you were phoning me concerned I would absolutely arrange to have you in. HOWEVER I am not in an oncology ward so it could be that they have stricter procedures in place to protect their immunosuppressed patients, which I completely respect. Please never feel you are a burden phoning, I would expect and want a phone call with a worried wife at home in your situation at least once a shift after the doctors round to get a daily update.

Thinking of you OP.

@Toorapid just checking in to say hope things are ok.

Hoping you’re both doing ok

This is so distressing for you . You have to speak to them nurses . early morning , night , whenever you can get through . I am in a similar situation right now . My partner was taken to Hospital in terrible pain . I cant find out anything !

This thread was 3 and a half years ago.

Hope your partner is ok.