How did he know my address??!

[cheeseybean]

So a number of years ago I got into a relationship with a guy (let's call him Dave) that was completely unhealthy and toxic. We split, I left (the country) and, 7+ years on I have changed my number/moved home umpteen times/got married/had a child.

I only stay in touch with one friend from 'those days' (and that country), we will call her Sally. She is still friendlyish with Dave, has him as a pal on social media and they text occasionally usually happy bday/merry Christmas texts.

Last year, pre-COVID, Sally came to visit for a week or so. While she was here she was posting some pics on her Instagram stories etc saying she was with me and what town we were in, but that was the extent of it.

Fast forward to last week. It was my birthday and I received a Moonpig card from Dave. Saying he was thinking about me hoping I was well etc.

Sally swears blind she didn't give him my address but I honestly can't think of any other possible way Dave could know. I've tried googling my name to see if my address comes up, no - thank goodness. I'm not on the electoral register, have only Instagram but it is private and I have about 12 followers all of whom I know v well.
Sally straight away said he must've seen she was here (from her socials) and tracked her mobile. She showed me a dodgy looking website where you put in a mobile number and it'll give a location after you pay it £10.
He is intense but whether or not he would do that is another question, I feel like Occam's razor is telling me she must've just given my address to him??
This is obviously a major breach of trust and if so it would spell the end to our friendship. She often does things without thinking it through and if he gave her the spiel of 'ohh I just wanted to catch up' she may have given it to him thinking no harm done but then panicked when I asked her.
These mobile tracking websites, does anyone know if they actually work? Or are they just a scam to get your CC number.

I'm really stressed. First with my friendship with Sally, I feel like I can't trust her and I keep questioning whether or not she's lying to me.

Secondly because that horrible man has my address.... he travelled 5 hours to watch me in a show a few years ago (am dram) which I didn't even know he knew about. He left before the end, thank goodness but it freaked me out at the time.

Anyhoo sorry this is all garbled, I hope it makes sense. I just wanted to get it off my chest really.

Could your friend have posted identifying photos of your house ? In which case he could use google maps maybe ??

Hmm. I don't think she did, and from what I can remember the only location she put was the city, like 'Manchester'. So not sure he would've been able to narrow it down to a street....
I've scrolled back through her posts but obviously I can't rewatch her stories

Have you googled your husband's name to see if any identifying details come up? Companies House if he has a business maybe. Sally might have mentioned it and your ex has found the address via him.

I've found addresses of people from my past, you can pay some money and get details of all residents in that property. I found him using his name date of birth and hometown.

If your good friend sally swears blind she didn't give Dave your address you should give her the benefit of the doubt. There's more than one way to skim a cat.

Yep, have googled us both and no results. And no businesses for companies house either. Honestly the more I think about it the more I'm convinced it must have been Sally. I don't want it to have been but it's the only logical answer.

Photos can have addresses on them if you click into the information

Here

Oh wow Bluebells.
I'm assuming that would only work if the photo had been sent to someone rather than taken off an Instagram account?
I'm going to try it

Are you based in Scotland by any chance? Long story but years ago I dropped my phone in a taxi dropping me to fly home from a Scottish airport. I rang the phone the next day and got through to the taxi mans daughter. She had cleaned the taxi and came across it. She posted my phone back but did not want me to refund her the postage cost etc. I had her name and the area where she lived. I was able to get her address from some website that I did not have to pay for. I sent her a small gift with the refund and she rang me to thank me. This was about 10 years ago.

No, not Scotland Purple

People can pay a small fee and get your details on the electoral roll. They just need your name and anyone with that name will pop up. You also see their DOB if more than one person with that name. May not have anything to do with sally.

Depending how bad your relationship was, do you think if you told Sally you were going to contact the police as your ex has somehow got your address and you consider this stalking after him turning up to watch you in a play, she might own up if it was her?

This guy seems like a bit of a stalker - I'll bet it wasn't Sally, he'll know how to do some shady stuff to get the details, I thought he may have looked through her address book or phone when she was elsewhere but it seems from this thread that ant Tom Dick/Harry can find people if they want to

Do you know what kind of work he does?

What does be do for a living? As in does he work somewhere that he could access your info?

I work for social services and have access to a system that has a names and addresses on etc. Obvs I'd be fired if I looked people up for personal reasons and I'd never do it anyway but a Dave might not care.

So NHS, local authority, police etc?

I wouldn't rush to blame your friend. It's fairly easy to find an address if you are determined enough. There are many channels.

He sounds scary though.

Just thinking of the jobs I have had over the years and quite a few of them would have given me access to tens of thousands of names and addresses if I had been the sort of person to misuse private information. If Dave works in a bank, the NHS, HMRC, a council etc and he is a dodgy type he might well find you there. Or if he has a mate who works in one of these places and is a dodgy type and will look you up. He could easily have spun someone a sob story eg I know someone from years ago, I've heard she has had a bereavement and I'd like to send her a card. People are sometimes easy to manipulate into doing something wrong if they think they are doing it for a 'good' reason.

it will be the metadata in the photos.
they can give the address/gps data depending on the settings if the phone/tablet/camera.

first lesson for dc was to always take a screenshot of the photo before posting it on the internet.

Thanks for all the replies.
So the general consensus is that if you're determined there are a few ways to find an address, this is bloody worrying tbf. I did jump to conclusions that it was Sally as she is the sort of person that wants to be friends with everyone as Dave is quite influential back in his city so it's good to have him on side iyswim.
As for his job, according to Sally he's now a Herbalife bot so no access to databases as mentioned by PP but of course this doesn't mean he doesn't know someone who does have this kind of access.

I'm not sure the police would be interested given that there's no record of anything that happened in the past and ultimately all he has done is go to a public performance and send a birthday card...

How can you both be an influential person and a Herbalife bot for a job? Does not compute. Totally irrelevant to your thread I know!!

Hahaha influential is probably the wrong word.
He's just one of those guys that if you want to be out and about going to all the good bars/clubs/Z list celeb restaurants he will sort you out. This is what Sally loves, and I did - 7 years ago in the days of easily influenced youth!

Now I look back and I just see a sunbedded gym addict with bad veneers no accounting for taste

Why don't you just ask him how he found your address?

Electoral register ?

"192.com publishes the publicly available version of the Electoral Roll now known as the Open Register. It includes the names and addresses of the majority of UK residents over the age of eighteen. The most recent Electoral Roll is added to 192.com at the beginning of each calendar year, and updated regularly throughout the year."
www.192.com/people/electoral-roll/

@ittakes2

Why don't you just ask him how he found your address?

I don't want any communication with him at all

It's easy to find an address - 192 etc (with name and area) gives basic info. For more detail, i.e. the house number or name, you just have to pay a few pounds to get credits, allowing a full search.