Need to say today is hard

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

Just that really, I feel as though I have coped really well since last March with lockdowns, home schooling, lack of social life etc.
I am working 2 - 3 days each week, which I absolutely love - get out of the house and have something with deadlines to do and have a chat with colleagues etc
I know I have it far better than a lot of people, but I find it so hard to be motivated to do anything at home when I'm not working.
I think in my head I just feel like what's the point? So every night I go to bed thinking tomorrow I will do x,y,z but then I don't and then I feel crap about it.
To anyone else who said the above to me about themselves I would say (& do say to others) that we are in the middle of a global pandemic and not to sweat the small stuff. So why am I so cross with myself???

I'm sure tomorrow I will feel ok again - but today I'm just really 'meh'.

I don't think there is an answer to this, but it's really nice to just get it off of my chest.

So thank you for reading

Thanks @JamieFrasersSassenach, I am really struggling atm. I have not spoken to the GP yet as I so don't want to take antidepressants but I think I am going to have to do something. DH can take one or two days off max but that's it sadly. His work is not flexible (shift work out of the house). I really appreciate the reply

Could you maybe have just some medication for your anxiety - beta blockers can be really helpful, rather than anti depressants if you really don't want to take those.

I don't know how old your DC are - but is there a pastoral team at their school who could give you some support? Or could you talk to their teachers to explain that it's just really tough at the moment and see if they will agree to a reduced timetable for a few weeks?

Thanks @JamieFrasersSassenach, I did talk to the school in Jan after crying all over them. The crying thing is really not me usually. I cried in a meeting this week but the bloke was a very senior patronising male dickhead as a slight excuse. It was humiliating though. The school were good and one of mine has some schoolbut not this week due to stomach upset. The other one is home constantly. I don't think school would reduce further, we are doing what we can so not all. I also know I am lucky one DD has some school, I don't take that likely (we are both keyworkers and I teach live online in school time).

Thanks re meds, that's a good idea. I know I need to call. You are right.

And I think you are right re sloth days.

@goingpearshaped I know for me personally the crying thing is a big warning sign that I'm struggling with my mental health, and why wouldn't you be? You're teaching (which let's face it is hard enough in 'normal' times but online is even harder), looking after and trying to homeschool 2 DC and run your house. And all of that without the things that normally help to keep us sane - like socialising with our friends and wider families, going out to a place of work, taking our DC to a physical school and leaving them there for the day, every day, going on days out, planning holidays that we can look forward to. On top of that are the patronising male dickheads we have to encounter and deal with!!

For what it's worth it sounds to me like you are doing really really well, in the most extraordinary times we are living through.

I hope you get some help from your GP