Need to say today is hard

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

Just that really, I feel as though I have coped really well since last March with lockdowns, home schooling, lack of social life etc.
I am working 2 - 3 days each week, which I absolutely love - get out of the house and have something with deadlines to do and have a chat with colleagues etc
I know I have it far better than a lot of people, but I find it so hard to be motivated to do anything at home when I'm not working.
I think in my head I just feel like what's the point? So every night I go to bed thinking tomorrow I will do x,y,z but then I don't and then I feel crap about it.
To anyone else who said the above to me about themselves I would say (& do say to others) that we are in the middle of a global pandemic and not to sweat the small stuff. So why am I so cross with myself???

I'm sure tomorrow I will feel ok again - but today I'm just really 'meh'.

I don't think there is an answer to this, but it's really nice to just get it off of my chest.

So thank you for reading

Yes, the police have been really nice. They are honest about whether or not they will be able to do a prosecution. There was a witness so hopefully they saw enough to be able to back a prosecution.
Ordered a ring doorbell today. Doubt he is going to track me down or anything but I’ll feel better.

I could have written this EXACT post

Ugh me too, in fact I'm on mn now because insomnia has been keeping me up since 3am. I'm expecting some test results tomorrow I'm not expecting them to be good and I'm just scared to be honest. It's so hard to distract and be positive atm!

Happy birthday @fatisnotafeeling sorry that it was a bit underwhelming

Very sorry to hear that prick assaulted you @LochJessMonster

Good sleep to you all

Sorry to hear that you are both feeling like us @PTH20 and @BigGreen, welcome to the thread

I hope you managed to get back to sleep @BigGreen ? I had a slightly earlier than normal awake time this morning - 2am until 3ish. Feeling shattered but I am working today so that is good.

Another one checking in. I am reallyWaa struggling now with work and school. Cry at least once a day if not more as feel so low but also so anxious. Another 3 to 4 waker. Often get up early to work before kids but just could not this morning.

Welcome @goingpearshaped sorry to hear you are feeling like us too - I suppose there is some comfort in knowing we are not alone.

I hope you are having a better day than night?

Thanks @JamieFrasersSassenach, today has been better so far. Yesterday was really bad. It's my birthday on Sat and I have pretty much cancelled it as I just can't face it atm. I know how silly that sounds.

Solidarity to you all and keep on keeping on, what else can we do?

Good luck @BigGreen today, fingers crossed.
Sorry to hear about your touch time @LochJessMonster, that soudns stressful. I hope you have good support.
Happy belated birthday @fatisnotafeeling, I am sorry the day felt to flat, it's so hard.
Hope you figure something out @ssd, calling them is a good idea. Totally tough decision.

Hi @goingpearshaped, yes I will call them but I also got a good idea today, I'm going to buy a ffp3 mask from b&q, I've seen them for sale there and they seem really good for not letting any nasty particles in. I think I'd feel safer in one of those. I know it might sound extreme but this thought if if makes me feel better.

I feel similar to you op. I have been working throughout lockdown albeit part time. In the first lockdown I was super motivated. This time around I am pregnant, work is still stressful, I lost my auntie 2 months ago, my uncle a month ago (due to covid-19) and now another uncle who is like a dad to me is very ill. I get dressed, sort the kids out, play a little with them, cook, clean but feel so lacking in drive. Normally I would tell anyone feeling similar that there will be light at the end of the tunnel but when it comes to myself I just can't see it.

@goingpearshaped I can understand wanting to cancel your birthday - my last one was during lockdown and I felt very much the same.

@ssd that sounds like a brilliant idea!! I think a lot of what troubles me is the lack of control I feel I have - so I see the mask as you having a much better feeling of control.

@Sceptre86 - you have had an awful time - I'm so sorry for your losses
It sounds as though you need to let yourself grieve - which is nigh on impossible in a lockdown with children to entertain, and at a time when ordinarily you would be feeling full of joy and hope for your new baby, you have lost people you love and now a father figure to you is unwell.

Have you got someone in RL to talk to about it all? I hope your uncle gets better. There will be a light - it just doesn't seem like that at the moment.
Sending you an un-Mumsnetty hug 🤗

Thanks @JamieFrasersSassenach

I know I might look a bit daft I can live with that.

@ssd

Thanks *@JamieFrasersSassenach*

I know I might look a bit daft I can live with that.

Who cares what you look like? Do whatever you need to to be safe and healthy

How is everyone feeling today?

@Athenajm80 @besos21 @BigGreen @Eeeeeeeeeeeek @fatisnotafeeling @goingpearshaped @LochJessMonster @PTH20 @Sceptre86 @ssd @Whattheduck

I think I find the weekends a bit easier because there is no homeschooling and DH is at home.

@goingpearshaped Happy Birthday for yesterday - hope you had a nice day in the end

I have another thread on how hard I am finding it, but not many responses on that, so will join this and vent. DH and I are bickering a lot; he is tired from endless Zoom meetings. I haven't seen a single person other than him and DS for a year. The weather is shit. I am sick of housework and cooking. I can feel myself going bananas and I am normally a super resilient person.

I just keep an eye on the vaccination rates which are very cheering.

and now I have killed this thread too:)

Hi @Frequentflier,

Firstly you haven't killed this thread!

Sorry to hear it's so shit for you at the moment - I think we all on this thread know how you are feeling.

It's relentless isn't it? I'm assuming your DH is working from home - hence all of the zoom calls?

Is your DS old enough that you can go out for a half hour walk and leave him?

I too am sick of housework and cooking - so I have been doing the bare minimum of housework (which I then beat myself up about!) and we've been eating a lot of easy to prepare dinners!!

Keep posting - I can't tell you how much it's helping me to know I am not the only one not living the 'Insta perfect' life!!

Thank you, Jamie. I am new to the UK so feeling even more disoriented than usual.
Yep, DH is working from home, quite long hours.

I am actually lucky in that I am not homeschooling- DS is 16-and I have plenty of time to myself and can go out whenever I want. I am lonely though. DH and DS are very busy, so don't chat much at the best of times. I am working part time and am a chatty person. In normal times, I would be out all day in museums/galleries/book clubs and so on. They do help with housework but often are on Zoom when it needs to be done.

This is isolating enough for those of us who have lived in our areas for years - to be new to somewhere makes it much tougher,  for you @Frequentflier
Do you have any friends in your area that you could meet for a walk - I have been meeting one friend once a week to exercise together - we have a long walk and chat - I find it really helps.

Can you find an online book club to join? I wonder if you could feel connected to some other people that may help you?

Most of my friends here are very far away and I don't want either them or me to take public transport. I am in SE London and rates are high, plus DH is vulnerable.

I plan to just grit my teeth until he gets his vaccine and then I will try to get out more. I am in a lot of online clubs but am a bit sick of them.
Sorry to moan so much: I think people who have small children and homeschooling are in a much worse place, and my heart goes out to you all.

Please don't apologise - we get it - honestly.

Hope your DH gets his vaccine soon - post on here anytime if you need to

Sorry, I am still here but just finding everything impossible. I am so close to signing myself off work but feel hugel guilty if I do and then worried about redundacies too. I just cannot keep home schooling and working (and one of the DDs is in school sometime). I am so down, utterly sad and defeated. DH works out of the house so escapes the meltdowns/tears and just general emotional stress of upset children let alone that on top of more than FT job,

I think, regarding the original post, that the knack is to give yourself permission to not do much! There's so little to occupy us at the moment that thinking I really must hoover tomorrow, then not doing it feels like an overwhelming failure. Don't feel like you've let yourself down by not doing housework or chores. It is a pandemic and there is no need to have a show home or be perfect. Don't put pressure on yourself to work your way through a list of jobs, embrace the fact that laziness right now is government sanctioned, and congratulate yourself on making it another day through lockdown!

Oh @goingpearshaped you sound at the end of your tether, have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling?
It sounds as though a week or two off sick may be necessary. Would your DH take some time off to give you a bit extra support?
Keep posting, for you

@JovialNickname

I think, regarding the original post, that the knack is to give yourself permission to not do much! There's so little to occupy us at the moment that thinking I really must hoover tomorrow, then not doing it feels like an overwhelming failure. Don't feel like you've let yourself down by not doing housework or chores. It is a pandemic and there is no need to have a show home or be perfect. Don't put pressure on yourself to work your way through a list of jobs, embrace the fact that laziness right now is government sanctioned, and congratulate yourself on making it another day through lockdown!

Thank you @JovialNickname - that is exactly the advice I would give to someone else!! I think, for me, some days are just much harder than others and as you say it all becomes overwhelming. Some days I feel as though I am a sloth!! But maybe it's the sloth days that will get me out of the other side of this!!