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Original poster

If you were raised by young parents how was it ?

45 replies

Molly333 · 01/02/2021 22:04

I was one of 3 children born to young parents and am interested how other people view their childhoods as mine was difficult . I'm an adult now with a family of my own but often look back with sadness/anger.

OP posts:
PawPawNoodle · 01/02/2021 22:05

Absolutely awful.

Schmoozer · 01/02/2021 22:06

Not good .....
Chaotic
Useless parents !!
Not bad people just young / clueless / selfish ??

Pumpkinpied · 01/02/2021 22:07

How young are we talking?

ohidoliketobe · 01/02/2021 22:07

No problems at all, but they had amazing support from their parents / my DGPs

Schmoozer · 01/02/2021 22:08

My parents were 19/20

ohidoliketobe · 01/02/2021 22:08

That's 17 and 20 year old. Still together and I've remained an child

MrsTeachers · 01/02/2021 22:09

How young

Original poster
Molly333 · 01/02/2021 22:09

I'm sorry to hear that polpotnoodle do you mind me asking why? Mine was a dominant dad and weak manipulative mum who sold me out to get what she wanted

OP posts:
allthetrees · 01/02/2021 22:10

Commenting as a 20 year old mum so I can read these and learn from them. Don't want to fall into the stereotype of being a useless parent just because I'm young!

Original poster
Molly333 · 01/02/2021 22:10

Mine were 15 and 17

OP posts:
GinaJaffacake · 01/02/2021 22:13

Yes. Mine was loving but not easy either emotionally or financially. Benign neglect I’d say. I was allowed to do pretty much what I wanted and my parents never seemed to suffer from worry, guilt or angst whereas I’ve worried about everything. My parents were 18 when I was born. I was 33 when I had my eldest daughter. However, my DD is now 16 and I’m 49. DS1 is 10 and DS2 is 8. So I’ll be 59 before my youngest reaches adulthood whereas my mother was 39 when her youngest became an adult. I always though it was silly and irresponsible and it’s one of the reasons I waited but now I think how nice it might be to have raised all your kids and still just be 40. But then we were piss poor whereas my kids have been fairly privileged.

Umbongoumbongo999 · 01/02/2021 22:13

It was pretty shit. My parents weren't financially responsible so I didnt always have what I needed, yet would splash out on clothes, expensive hair/make up and nights out. They weren't committed to working through their issues so gave up on their marriage. I never saw any examples of people trying to work it out, just lots of screaming. When they split they were vitriolic towards one another, using me and my siblings as weapons. In her early 20s and newly single, my mum didnt want to be tethered to us, she wanted to be out all weekend with friends and a troop of assorted boyfriends. My dad was bitter and withdrawn.

Interesting, I also had kids young, and have worked very hard to provide them with all the stability I never had. My sister had a family later in life, and my brother has never settled down at all.

foodtoorder · 01/02/2021 22:14

Middle child of 3 children who's parents were early 20's.
DF had a good education and excellent job, DM an aspiring homemaker but somewhere it got lost.
Thankful to my grandparents for picking up when the ball got dropped but ultimately and quite cross at them making unwise choices that impacted us and our and their health.
However I do have to remind myself they were only young and this reconciles me a little knowing they didn't do it purposely and never intended to cause harm.
I did know I was loved.

Sunnydays999 · 01/02/2021 22:17

My mother had me at 21 , emotionally absent at best , abuse and neglect probably more accurate . I had my first as a teen . He’s now in his late 20s . He said I was too strict as he got to his teens . Which I can see . It was a reaction to my childhood.

AnaisNun · 01/02/2021 22:18

Chaotic

My mum was 19 and dad 17 or 18 when I was conceived.

Neither of them grew up enough to be good parents, or put me first.

They split up before I was born, got back together when I was 1 and split for good when I was 3.

Sunnydays999 · 01/02/2021 22:18

But he said his younger years where secure and happy . I worked hard and he was looked after well financially as well as physical and emotional aspects .

RosieGirl27 · 01/02/2021 22:23

My mum was 21 when she had me and she tried her best and was a fantastic mother despite the fact that we were poor. It depends on the person, not the age of the person IMO. My dad is bipolar so his issues would have been the same regardless of his age. Me and my mum are more like friends now than mother and daughter but I love her dearly and appreciate all she sacrificed to have us.

Wankerchief · 01/02/2021 22:30

My mum had me at 16. she was angry, mean and abusive. Never worked, evicted every 18 months, emotionally distant.
I don’t really have any good memories, to be honest i just remember constantly being hungry.

I asked my son, hes 18 and i had him at 16 too.
He say im good but naggy( very true). We are poorish but my dps parents are generous so hes never felt poor and certainly never gone hungry even if me and his dad have.
Ive also told him about how difficult my own childhood was and made him realise that waiting forkids and safe sex is a must(i hope)

I saw what my mum was and i work very hard everyday to be better than her. My kids have never met her nor will they. I do think alot of her flaws were due to age. She was the youngest in her family and very coddled.

LizBennet · 01/02/2021 22:36

Not great tbh. They were first parents at 17 & 20 and had 4 of us by the time they were 24 & 27.
Seshing every weekend and skint through the week, clothes were hand me downs. They were way too young imo.

zenasfuck · 01/02/2021 22:45

I had my first and only son at 19. He would tell you that's he's had a fantastic childhood, I am confident in that

He's been privately educated, been on nice holidays, has nice friends and had some great experiences and opportunities
He's almost 18 and very sensible, well behaved, mature and hard working

I've told him to wait until he's much older than I was before he has children but that's only because I want him to experience a bit of life and not get tied down - I had a mortgage at 19 and whilst I wouldn't change him, it hasn't always been easy but I've been a good mother

PawPawNoodle · 01/02/2021 23:50

@Molly333 yeah no worries. 16 year old mother and 20 year old father. Both absolutely useless and selfish idiots that shouldn't have had a child so young. They were separated so I was obviously with my mum, who had drug users and different men round all the time. Physical, emotional and psychological abuse as well as neglect. I'm not sure if it's her age or whether she's just a useless human being, probably both.

Goneback2school · 02/02/2021 00:08

My mother was 22 when I was born, my dad was 20. They got married when they got pregnant with me and are still happily married nearly 41 years and two more kids later. They were and are great parents, both would have had a temper but nothing out of the ordinary for the time. They both have a great work ethic and worked hard to give us a lovely childhood even when money must have been tight.

Original poster
Molly333 · 02/02/2021 00:14

Out of interest do you see your parents now? I don't which was my decision made after many many years of being let down ( they havnt even rang me or my children during the whole of covid) . Ive had counselling but it still doesnt take the pain away sometimes

OP posts:
Beamur · 02/02/2021 00:16

Dad was 19, Mum 21. My Dad has always been selfish and I suspect has a personality disorder. We're LC.
Mum was brilliant, great fun, my maternal GP's were very involved. I think she made some poor choices in life but for good reasons and I think my Dad was very damaging to her. Her life improved immeasurably once they divorced. Sadly she died a few years ago. We got on really well and she was my best friend and was hugely supportive and a wonderful Granny to my DD.

Ridiculousradish · 02/02/2021 00:23

Seems like a lot of the parents were crap regardless of their age.