If you were raised by young parents how was it ?

[Molly333]

I was one of 3 children born to young parents and am interested how other people view their childhoods as mine was difficult . I'm an adult now with a family of my own but often look back with sadness/anger.

My Dad went on to have a second family and he is better - but still not great and has behaved appallingly towards me.

I hate the insinuation that young parents aren't as good. Obviously some are crap. Lack of money and opportunity certainly doesn't help, but plenty are older with more money, and still just as crap.

My parents broke up when I was mid 20s and both behaved appalling.

Mum 16, Dad 21, they’re still together over 50 years later. They married and had another daughter a few years after me. They worked very hard to provide for us and are still very supportive and proud of us and their grandchildren. On the negative side I never properly lived with them although they were in my life every day, my bed was at my grandparents’ house. My sister lived with my parents and has always had a much closer relationship with them which has been a source of sadness for me. My mum has often said that having me so young ruined her life and that has been a heavy burden for me to carry, though I’m old enough now to now that wasn’t my fault.

Bad. I was much younger but believe I learned what not to do and was better.

This thread saddens me. I had my daughter young and will say at times I was pretty selfish going nights out with friends almost every weekend for the first couple years. I never put her in danger and she was certainly never neglected... i would over compensate by buying her any toy that she asked for. Now I’m older and have had another child I can see that small period in my life was pretty selfish, I’m hopeful it’s not done any real damage to her. She’s 9 now and we are very close.

Mine were pretty young - 19 and 20.

I love having young parents more now than I did when I was young.

We have lot more in common than my friends with older parents - mine were born in 69/70, but I had friends whose parents were born in the fifties and generally I can see quite an obvious difference in attitudes and ... generational similarity? If that made up phrase makes sense.

When I was young I was sometimes embarassed that my parents were younger than others. And we were very poor, which could have been to do with the fact they'd only had a few years working and no time to plan for children (although we weren't planned at all, which isn't necessarily an age thing!).

Looking back they were both emotionally probably not really ready for children and they responded to that in different ways - my mum was, til I was about 14, probably overly strict and protective because she felt that she didn't want her kids to be the stereotype of 'teenage mum doesn't know how to parent'. And my dad was the exact opposite haha - just a huge kid, which was fun for us but was so so frustrating for my mum.

But on balance I love it: my parents don't feel like a whole different species like my strict, old fashioned grandparents did to my dad. We like the same music, they are open minded and 'young' in their thinking in a lot of ways.

@Crabbypaddy

This thread saddens me. I had my daughter young and will say at times I was pretty selfish going nights out with friends almost every weekend for the first couple years. I never put her in danger and she was certainly never neglected... i would over compensate by buying her any toy that she asked for. Now I’m older and have had another child I can see that small period in my life was pretty selfish, I’m hopeful it’s not done any real damage to her. She’s 9 now and we are very close.

Lots of parents do worse, and almost all parents grow into the role. Don't beat yourself up, she won't remember you going out when she was 6 months old but she will remember you being a good parents who's willing to keep learning how best to raise her as she gets older.

Not sure what you class as young but my mum and dad were 17 and 19 when they had my sister and 22 and 24 when I was born.

I would say we both had good childhoods. We were clothed and fed and didn't miss out on anything 🤷‍♀️

I know of a child raised by her 13 year old mum and 35 year old dad (UK, not backwoods Kentucky before you ask....). She’s currently a young teen drama queen and will cause her stepmum hell. I can’t wait

These posts are so sad to read.

I had my son at 17 (He’s 20 now) and we are extremely close.
Always have been.

I worked from when he was 10 months old and he was in full time nursery. I still feel guilty all these years later that he was first in, in the morning and last to be picked up on an evening but I managed to carve out a successful career so he’s been very privileged over the years.

I always worried he’d feel different from his school friends etc as I was a single, young parent but it made me prove myself even more and motivated me to do well as I didn’t want him to feel like that.
We didn’t always have the biggest house or the best car but he definitely didn’t go without.

I also had support from my family which helped.
It wasn't always physical support or practical so much but financial which helped if times got tough.

It definitely wasn’t easy in the beginning and looking back, seems like a different lifetime ago now but just wanted to say that not all young parents are bad.

"I know of a child raised by her 13 year old mum and 35 year old dad"

Her dad was 35, or her grandad..?

What a weird post. Why “can’t you wait”? It doesn’t sound like a funny situation

I had young parents (mum teens/early 20s with 3 children.) They were very hands off in terms of education and boundaries. However I was of the generation where children went out to play all day and just came home for tea.

I remember my mother being overwhelmed with three small children close together (I was the eldest.)

They were very fun parents with lots of friends.

I remember always having to be the sensible one and that dynamic persists between me and my mother today and she is in her 70s.

I think many young parents do a fantastic job with the resources and life experience which they have. They're handicapped somewhat by generally having much less in terms of resources and much less life experience, but then many older parents are not naturals at parenting either.

There's a big difference, though, between a 16 year old having a baby and a 21 year old having a baby. A 16 year old is just a child themselves and often still at school and living with their parents. They have a mountain to climb in terms of becoming independent. The life chances of their child will therefore depend much less on the 16 year old's parenting ability and much more on the help and support which the 16 year old's own parents are willing to offer. Whereas a 21 year old has a good chance of going it along successfully.

My parents were 18 when they had me. They got married while pregnant and bought a little house, dad worked hard and mum worked part time, while my mums mum babysat me.
They separated when they were 49. I think they grew apart really but are still friends although I think they are VERY different people.
Both been brilliant parents though. I was spoilt. We weren’t well off at all. They just put me first. And they both now spoil my son.
I was 24 when I had my son which compared to my friends having children was young. The only real negative for us was we didn’t earn much at all so I’ve worked full time all my sons childhood. But grandparents helped with childcare. I am now in my 40s and could afford go work part time if if I had another child. Being at home with my son during covid has actually been lovely. I feel like I have caught up on some missed time.

Thank you @whoamongstus, needed that! Reflected some more on the matter and you are right! I was only 18 juggling being a single parent to a baby, a nursing degree, a part time job AND running a house so in the grand scheme of things I did ok! I’m not older and (a little) more wiser. Most of us try and do right by our children, and in a way it’s been nice for both me and her growing up and learning together!

My parents were 23 when they had me - not sure if that classes as young enough for this thread but it's young in comparison to today.

They were fab! Still together now at 60, I have a sibling, they are great grandparents.

As in v.good not generatipnally great.

Mine were 22, DF was in the Navy. We lived a mix of naval bases and civilian life over the years. Moved about when I was young and DM I know struggled with anxiety, depression and OCD. Oh and they were skint to the point of making the 'do we walk 3 miles home and get milk with the bus fare kind of skint'... My DF has had his faults over the years too BUT I can hand on heart say as I young child I had a brilliant childhood and I have a lot of memories from exploring new homes, their surroundings, friends I made and they always made things fun.
Days out were often cheap but fun and those are the ones that stick with me.
I remember my DM taking me to visit 'Santa' one year and working out if she had enough extra money to buy me some shoes I spotted and desperately wanted.
We lived in what would now be classed as poverty for a few years but I can say they (DM especially) always put me first.
By the time DSis came alone nearly 9 years later things had improved luckily. I remember them buying a little old car and caravan and it was our pride and joy. We went all over and I have fond memories of those times.
My Mum most definately impacted on me and I make sure my boys come first no matter what.