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Original poster

Unsure if this is my fault

31 replies

Loopylou6 · 30/01/2021 21:35

A couple of years ago,I fell down the stairs and hurt myself., quite badly
DH continued drinking, even more heavily .
Lost his job, ended up in hospital, etc. Did alot more shady things to me.
Tonight he's told me, that because I fell, i caused this, and it's all my fault

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/01/2021 21:38

Can you take a deep breath and start that again? Do you mean he pushed you down the stairs?

MiddleClassMother · 30/01/2021 21:42

Did he push you?

Original poster
Loopylou6 · 30/01/2021 21:43

No he didn't push me

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 30/01/2021 21:43

💐 why did you fall down the stairs ?

Original poster
Loopylou6 · 30/01/2021 21:44

Im confused why im being asked if he pushed me?

OP posts:
IthinkIm · 30/01/2021 21:45

Are you okay now?

dementedpixie · 30/01/2021 21:45

So he started drinking more heavily and lost his job but its your fault? Did you pin him down and force the drink in his mouth?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/01/2021 21:46

We’re trying to clarify because your Op has very few facts, it’s hard to make out what you’re trying to say.

dementedpixie · 30/01/2021 21:46

Because he said it was your fault. People may be surmising that you did something that he blamed you for and caused him to push you down the stairs

LIZS · 30/01/2021 21:46

@Loopylou6

Im confused why im being asked if he pushed me?
Because to lay eyes there is no other link between it . When did he start drinking?
dementedpixie · 30/01/2021 21:47

What shady things has he done to you? Why are you still with him?

Original poster
Loopylou6 · 30/01/2021 21:47

@DinosaurDiana freak accident, honest

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 30/01/2021 21:47

Hmm is he always blaming you for things?

fuzzymoon · 30/01/2021 21:48

So you fell down the stairs and hurt yourself badly.
Are you saying this caused your husbands drinking to go out of control which made him loose his job and those two things caused him to do some nasty things to you ?

Your post is unclear that's why people are asking you if he pushed you.

Please can you give more detail

But you falling down the stairs isn't an excuse for someone else's bad behaviour.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 30/01/2021 21:50

Will you be clarifying what you mean or continuing the circle of confusing everyone? People are trying to help but can’t if you don’t communicate more clearly.

FatCatThinCat · 30/01/2021 21:51

Why would his terrible choices and behaviour be your fault? Is he not an adult?

Original poster
Loopylou6 · 30/01/2021 21:51

Sorry for being vague. To be clear. He's never been the same since losing his dad. His alcohol intake increased to him having seizures. When I had my accident, he stayed home to help me, but began drinking even more. Then he lost his job and its all my fault apparently

OP posts:
Elbels · 30/01/2021 21:52

Did the fall cause you life changing injuries?

I'm confused by the correlation between you falling and him losing his job.

couchparsnip · 30/01/2021 21:53

I get it. He's an arsehole.

He is saying he started drinking more heavily because you hurt yourself.
He sounds like one of those men that won't take responsibility for his actions.
It's not your fault at all. All you did was fall for an abuser. What do you mean by shady things. What else did he do that he is blaming you for?

Original poster
Loopylou6 · 30/01/2021 21:55

@elbels he was already a border line problem drinker after losing his dad.
After my accident, him being home more to look after me, meant he drank even more, to crisis standards

OP posts:
Original poster
Loopylou6 · 30/01/2021 21:58

Couch, YES that's it exactly. I'm so glad somebody gets it. He spends all our money, and is buying and hiding alcohol.
Why am I still here? Because I've been with him since 14 and I know the real person he is, he will come back wont he?

OP posts:
Mumoftwoinprimary · 30/01/2021 21:58

I think the fact that we are all so confused gives you the answer.

This is things as I see them

You fell down the stairs - freak accident
Your dh had to stay home and look after you
As a result of being at home more he drank more
As a result of his alcoholism he lost his job.

Assuming you didn’t hold him down during your recuperation and pour vodka down his throat - no - that isn’t your fault. Not at all. He chose to drink. Every single drink he had a choice. Every single drink he chose to drink.

3 Cs of dealing with an alcoholic - you didn’t cause this. You can’t cure it. You can’t control it.

ParadiseIsland · 30/01/2021 21:59

Him drinking is not your fault.
Nor is it your fault because he stayed at home to help you.

He is deflecting the responsibility. And is trying to find someone to blame for his actions. Basically he is acting like an addict

Aquamarine1029 · 30/01/2021 21:59

Your husband is an alcoholic, gaslighting abuser. The only one responsible for fucking up his life is him.

LIZS · 30/01/2021 22:02

@Loopylou6

Couch, YES that's it exactly. I'm so glad somebody gets it. He spends all our money, and is buying and hiding alcohol. Why am I still here? Because I've been with him since 14 and I know the real person he is, he will come back wont he?
He won't even start to return if he cannot take responsibility for his issues. Only he can change, and he has to want to. How long are you prepared to tolerate his abusive behaviour?