'My husband prefers it this way, even though I don't'

[MacDuffsMuff]

Said by a very lovely woman that I work with. Some of us were having a conversation about lack of haircuts because of the hairdressers being closed and some of us are feeling a little bedraggled.

My colleague said that it doesn't matter to her because her husband likes her hair long even though she much prefers it short. She keeps it blonde because he 'doesn't like dark hair'. She wears dresses because he 'doesn't like' her in trousers. She said she supposes she could go 'against his wishes' and he wouldn't really mind but that she wants to keep him happy.

She has been married for 20 years and speaks very fondly of him and their family life so I don't believe that he's some controlling bastard but rather that she's prepared to put his opinion on how she looks above her own.

It made me think that I probably don't have my hair or dress the way that my DH prefers but that I choose to do it anyway. I don't suppose I would wear something that made him totally repulsed by me, but I pretty much wear what the hell I like whether he likes it or not.

To be clear, I think if a person is happy to dress/wear their hair the way a partner likes then go for it, but if someone would actually prefer to dress their own way surely they should?

And no, I know it's none of my business and no it doesn't affect me in any way, it just made me think?

Surely there is middle ground. On both sides.

@Jeremyironseverything exactly. For example last night l was tired, had a busy day at work (working from home). My fiancé has COVID but isn’t super unwell so was a bit bored and our internet isn’t working. He was very keen to play scrabble, l had little interest and was tired but felt sorry for him being ill and bored. So we played a game of it in the evening

There were a number of reasons why my 1st marriage didn’t work out. One of them was my husbands refusal about compromise. He thought compromise was him getting what he wanted

[quote WhatKatyDidNxt]@Jeremyironseverything exactly. For example last night l was tired, had a busy day at work (working from home). My fiancé has COVID but isn’t super unwell so was a bit bored and our internet isn’t working. He was very keen to play scrabble, l had little interest and was tired but felt sorry for him being ill and bored. So we played a game of it in the evening

There were a number of reasons why my 1st marriage didn’t work out. One of them was my husbands refusal about compromise. He thought compromise was him getting what he wanted [/quote]
I think that's a bit different though isn't it? I would do that for DH too because that's what compromise is all about - it doesn't require me to change my appearance to suit him.

Doing something minor you don't really feel like doing on occasion isn't the same as being required to change how you look because your partner wants you too. Especially if you would be happier looking a different way. For me, that's not compromise at all.

If I let my dh pick my clothes, hair or make up I’d look like a cartoon prostitute. Best for everyone really if I take care of that side of things.

@thelegohooverer

DH likes my hair down, so when we go out for dinner I wear it down, that's the only time I think your colleague has made quite a lot of compromises and the dress/trouser one especially is a bit weird when she's at work all day and he's barely going to see her?