Hospice visitors WWYD?

[Nopreservatives]

DH going to the hospice for palliative care. Death not imminent but doctors struggling to get pain managed.

Hospice rules are two visitors, but they need to be the same two every time. DH has me and two teenage sons.

How is it possible to make the choice on who the visitors should be? WWYD?

I've tried making a case but so far, they're not budging. In hospital he couldn't have any visits at all, so this is some sort of improvement.

Patients in any hospice are among the most absolute vulnerable. You don't someone going in for pain management and getting Covid .... That's why there are rules fgs.

Really feel for you. And your poor husband being in pain. The hospice will have his pain under control in no time x

OP, it has to be just you, just for now.

As PP says, for symptom control you need the visitor pass so you can understand his treatment and (potentially) make decisions for him if he cannot do so. You can’t put that on your sons.

Hospices are great. Let him get in and be settled, then see how the land lies. They don’t know you yet and you may find once you have visited that they will be able to do something. Either he’ll come home, with his pain managed, or they will relax the rules for you when they can do so. Your sons will get to hug him.

I’m so sorry. My mum died recently in hospice and they did what they could under difficult circumstances. Try not to assume the worst right now. I hope he comes home and you’ll still have the time you all need . Take care of yourself. flowers]

I think you definitely need to go.
What do your son's think?
Are both emotionally ready to see their df in the hospice or truthfully would one prefer to wait to see Dad when he's home?
Horrible time for you all .

The OP's husband is of course at liberty to decline the offer of the hospice admission if he and OP feel the visiting policy is so harsh but then what are their choices?

Currently he is in hospital with no visits at all - which no-one on this thread seems to have any issue with - and will likely face a longer admission as it is not an ideal place for sorting out cancer pain.

Or he can go home and try to have his pain controlled there - his family are there, but pain control is far more difficult at home in complex cases.

He is being offered a compromise of a short admission to the hospice, where he gets some visiting, his pain sorted out and to go home. It's not ideal but surely better than the other two options.

pain control is far more difficult at home in complex cases.

Definitely. Such a stark difference trying to get pain controlled at home.

Op I'm sending good strong vibes your way as are others on this thread for you to find much strength.

perhaps once he is there and they have got to know you they might allow both dc. Its tough but they have these rules to protect all.

@TheCanyon

I'd personally let the boys go.

I'd be surprised if either of the dc were allowed in without adult next of kin present.

If you speak with them, explaining the situation, you could then ask if its possible for them to facilitate a window visit if they have a room that's accessible or if ohs room is on the ground floor.

Have you got a date to be vaccinated as carers? (anyone over 16)

Speak to his care providers.

@compulsiveliar2019

Bollocks are the rules there for a reason. Hospices should be using their discretion at times like this. It's not like the op wants to bring large numbers of extended family. It's 3 people all from the same household.

Op if I were you I would take it to the hospice management. I would also offer to get the boys tested prior to visiting. If they don't relax it I would be making a formal complaint. Then get MP involved and if necessary the press.

They are there for a reason. An important reason.

The OP’s DH is going in as a short term patient and then going home. He isn’t going into the hospice to die (not this time, at any rate) whereas the patients there could die if they get covid because people break the visitor rules or it could end up with so many staff isolating that the patients go back to hospital where there are NO visits allows rather then two visitors on multiple occasions.

I think it has to be just you to start with. If a visitor gives COVID to staff and there is a staff outbreak then the hospice might not be able operate and staff might pass it on to other patients and hasten their death.

I am almost certain though that if it was near to the end they would relax the rules and allow more visitors. Sadly I have recent experience with my mum and only 2 visitors at limited times was the rule when she went in (originally for symptom control) but when it became clear that she was dying they then allowed unlimited visits for her close family at any time and we were all able to be with her at the end.

I cannot imagine that a hospice would prevent a dying man from seeing his children whatever the circumstances but I can see that they have to minimise risk so they can continue to operate.

Is your DH able to FaceTime DSs for now? I really hope he gets better and is able to come back home to you.

I'm so sorry about your DH's prognosis.

There will most likely be a difference in policy based in the reason for admission. As has been stated already, pain control/symptom mgmt patients will be allowed fewer visitors than those that are end-of-life.

Dependent on your DH's PPC (preferred place of care) he should be able to return home once his pain is under control and appropriate arrangements have been made by the hospice at home team (would be surprised if they didn't have one) and district nurses. Pain mgmt drugs can be administered both by syringe driver and PRN at home, there are some drugs that aren't appropriate outside of a hospice/hospital environment but these are few and far between.

Hospices have had to make gut wrenching decisions - but by their very nature (and those who work in palliative/end-of-life care) they want to do everything they can to address the needs of their patients (and their families), not only physical, but emotional and spiritual as well.

Like everything - you get the good and bad - and you should always raise concerns if you have them, but changes will have had to be implemented both at speed and in consideration of the implications of not implementing them. For example, if more than one staff member on an inpatient unit tests positive for Covid it is classified as an outbreak, which would potentially close the unit for a period of time - meaning that those other patients on the ward would have to be discharged (and thus potentially not being able to honour these patients' preferred place of death) or transferred (not that there's much capacity in the system to absorb these patients).

I would start by just going in yourself and not name a second person yet and see how he is and how his pain management control is. If it looks like he isn't going to be able to come home, then you can have a conversation with the hospice about other potential arrangements that mean the boys get to see their dad.

You say he has a wide network of friends. Hopefully you have told these people, so that they can at least ring/chat with him and break up the day otherwise.