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Original poster

My DDs boyfriend

34 replies

namechange3842934729 · 25/01/2021 19:05

One of my DDs is a tween and in a relationship. I'm not a fan of her boyfriend and highly doubt the relationship will last. He doesn't really bother with my DD. He plays mindgames but DD won't listen. She invests so much into the relationship and I pity her. The boyfriend spends allot of quality time with another girl who he has said is just his bestfriend (there's obviously something going on between them). His ''bestfriend'' is horrible to my DD, and has made threats to hospitalise her. I was tempted to go to the police but my DD had deleted the messages. I've told her to stop talking to him and move on, she hasn't. I don't know what to do, I don't want to take her phone away because she uses it to talk to her friends during lockdown.

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 25/01/2021 19:08

What am I reading here?
How old is a tween? 12 uppermost, yes? She has a boyfriend who plays mind games and he has another girlfriend who has made threats to harm your daughter?

Original poster
namechange3842934729 · 25/01/2021 19:08

@FlibbertyGiblets

What am I reading here? How old is a tween? 12 uppermost, yes? She has a boyfriend who plays mind games and he has another girlfriend who has made threats to harm your daughter?
Yes.
OP posts:
Rockettrain · 25/01/2021 19:10

At this age I would be removing her phone and not allowing internet access if she won’t stop talking to him.

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OrigamiOwl · 25/01/2021 19:16

@Rockettrain

At this age I would be removing her phone and not allowing internet access if she won’t stop talking to him.
Agreed. If she's 12 that's sensible. If she's 20 something then it's a different kettle of fish!
Clymene · 25/01/2021 19:19

Take her phone away. You're the parent - protect her!

yahyahs22 · 25/01/2021 19:34

Yep I agree. Its your job at this young age to stop behaviours like this. Take the phone away. No more contact with him. You know you're protecting her and she'll understand when she's older

FelicityPike · 25/01/2021 19:36

WTF! Parent your child!

NotCornflakes · 25/01/2021 19:37

You "highly doubt the relationship will last" ?!
No shit Sherlock!

IHateCoronavirus · 25/01/2021 19:39

@FelicityPike

WTF! Parent your child!
This says it perfectly.
SavoyCabbage · 25/01/2021 19:39

In a relationship!🙄 Don't be daft. Twelve year olds aren't in relationships and their lives shouldn't be like a telenovela. You need to step in here.

Veterinari · 25/01/2021 19:48

One of my DDs is a tween and in a relationship. I'm not a fan of her boyfriend and highly doubt the relationship will last.

You highly doubt that your 12 year kid's 'relationship will last?

Yes I wouldn't think so Confused

It's not in a relationship. She's a kid, she's being bullied.
Be a parent

Hoppinggreen · 25/01/2021 19:50

Take the phone, she’s 12
She needs your help to escape this possibly abusive relationship

FasterthanBolt · 25/01/2021 19:52

She's 12! No 12 year old should be in a relationship. Take her phone and be a parent.

Original poster
namechange3842934729 · 25/01/2021 20:32

I've taken it and she's going on about not being able to talk to her friends and that I'm a bad mother

OP posts:
LittleGungHo · 25/01/2021 21:29

You are not a bad mother, you are a good parent for taking charge.
Think about things that she didn't want to do when she was younger tooth brushing/ going to bed. This is just the same.

Theowawaynow · 25/01/2021 21:32

Generally if they say you’re a bad mother you’re doing it right!

She can talk to her friends at a set time each fat supervised by you. Go onto her phone, block and delete his number, supervise contact with friends.

She’s 12, they don’t need to talk that much, replace it with lots of love and fun at home!

ChaToilLeam · 25/01/2021 21:33

She’s way too young for this at twelve. Of course she’s kicking off, but it can’t be allowed to continue. Stay strong, OP.

RubyFakeLips · 25/01/2021 21:37

Your job isn't to make her happy its to keep her safe. Remove the phone.

After the initial break you can always do supervised usage, let her know if a friend has messaged and allow her to message back etc.

I would consider a condition of phone return being blocking this boy and other girl on all platforms and you checking messages at frequent random intervals.

Stompythedinosaur · 25/01/2021 21:41

I'm shocked tbh, I think 12 is far too young for this sort of thing.

I'd be framing the threats as bullying and contact the school.

And I wouldn't entertain the notion of a serious boyfriend at 12, they are still tiny!

Skyliner001 · 25/01/2021 21:43

It is a joke thread? She is 12.

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 25/01/2021 21:46

So what? Doesn't matter what she says about your parenting, she's 12! Of course she's going to try and guilt you in to giving it back.

Nopreservatives · 25/01/2021 21:48

How old is the boyfriend? This is really concerning to me and I work with troubled young people who are very vulnerable to these kinds of relationships, so I see it a lot.

I'm not sure removing the phone is the right thing to do though, at least not indefinitely, but certianly some close monitoring of its use, which should be happening at 12yo anyway. My DC are 17 & 19 now but when they first had phones, c. 12yo, it was on the condition that I had their logins to everything. As they got older and had given me no cause for concern, I checked rarely, but they knew I might!

Nopreservatives · 25/01/2021 21:50

I'd also report concerns to the school and see if they (or could) run the healthy relationships programme.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 25/01/2021 21:57

Yes because the 12 year old is clearly the authority here on what constitutes good parenting.

She too young for a boyfriend and you need to nip this bullying in the bud. If this girl has threatened your daughter, you need to contact the police on the non emergency line and report her. In fact if you know where she lives I'd be on her doorstep suggesting that she come and say that to someone big enough to flatten the jumped up little brat. But police would be the sensible option.

The 'boyfriend' needs to be ditched and if she won't do it, you need to make it clear to her that she isn’t seeing him anymore.

Phone needs to be handed over to you every evening and you check it. IM apps, texts the lot. Shes far too young to have completely unsupervised phone use. The way you talk about her is like she's in her 20s not a 12 year old child. You're her mum not her best friend. Save that for when she's an adult.

Original poster
namechange3842934729 · 26/01/2021 01:18

I'm awake with DD the threats have been keeping her awake at night. The threat to hospitalise her wasn't the only one. My thoughts were to go to the police but the only person I think I know of that has the address is DD's boyfriend, that and DD has deleted the conversations. I had actually seem the messages before they were deleted. DD said she'd deleted them because she kept looking through them and getting hurt. DD said she made threats too in retaliation. Now there is no evidence! What can realistically be done about this? Should I contact her myself pretending to be DD to see if she makes further threats?

OP posts: