My DDs boyfriend

[namechange3842934729]

One of my DDs is a tween and in a relationship. I'm not a fan of her boyfriend and highly doubt the relationship will last. He doesn't really bother with my DD. He plays mindgames but DD won't listen. She invests so much into the relationship and I pity her. The boyfriend spends allot of quality time with another girl who he has said is just his bestfriend (there's obviously something going on between them). His ''bestfriend'' is horrible to my DD, and has made threats to hospitalise her. I was tempted to go to the police but my DD had deleted the messages. I've told her to stop talking to him and move on, she hasn't. I don't know what to do, I don't want to take her phone away because she uses it to talk to her friends during lockdown.

This has got to be a wind up! Take away the phone and block the bully, then report it to the school. Is your dd mature enough to have a phone at all if she is making threats to others (even if retaliatory)?

Dial everything back and remember she is not even a teenager! She's a kid! Protect her from these inappropriate situations.

How would it be any use reporting it to anyone when the conversation has been deleted? I'd have no evidence!

My DD started “seeing” a boy at school when she was 12. She didn’t have a phone so there was no opportunity to contact him outside school hours. I didn’t allow her to go on any dates with him (this was a couple of years ago so pre covid). His bloody mother bailed me up outside the school gate to ask why I wouldn’t let them go out together! I was like she’s too young for a boyfriend and that is that.

Anyway as I expected it fizzled out when they went to different secondary schools. By then she had a phone and the delightful young man started sending her links to porn, calling her all sorts of names and getting his friends to call her with vile messages. I blocked him and told her if I saw one more message I would go straight to the police. I spent the next few months regularly checking her phone but it seems either my threat worked or he lost interest in taunting her. She is now 14 and has thanked me for being “strict mum” and keeping her safe from that dickhead. One positive is that having such a bad first experience has put her off boys for the time being and she hasn’t been interested in another one since.

At that age you have the final say as mum and you need to protect her. She’s making poor choices, time to step up!

@namechange3842934729

I'm awake with DD the threats have been keeping her awake at night. The threat to hospitalise her wasn't the only one. My thoughts were to go to the police but the only person I think I know of that has the address is DD's boyfriend, that and DD has deleted the conversations. I had actually seem the messages before they were deleted. DD said she'd deleted them because she kept looking through them and getting hurt. DD said she made threats too in retaliation. Now there is no evidence! What can realistically be done about this? Should I contact her myself pretending to be DD to see if she makes further threats?

No don't contact her! Don't start playing games. If your daughter gets any more messages from either of them I would reply threatening to go to the police, but I wouldn't instigate it by contacting them first.

You’ve no evidence of the threats now.

I’d contact the school to let them know what’s happened
Confiscate her phone for a long time.
Only allow her to have contact with ‘safe’ friends under your supervision
Spend A LOT of time with her and asking about self esteem, what is considered a healthy relationship, how people should treat each other in a relationship, how much she is loved and valued and how to love herself.

My friends dd is 2 years older and was allowed to have a boyfriend who cheated on her. Her dd is continuously posting memes about depression, cheating and being heart broken. I really wish my friend would get to grips with it.

Your dd is still so young but her emotions will still be intense and she needs proper care and attention. Talk, talk and keep talking.

My eldest dd1 is 25 and I never let her have a boyfriend until she was 16. Many people said I was controlling but I seen it as protecting her mental health and well being. Children are much much more forward these days due to the things they watch on tv and internet. We really do need to protect our kids rather than letting them just get on with it. I read a really interesting article from a child psychologist who said that our children were losing years of their childhood fast - where girls were at at 17 they are now at at 14, where they were at at 14 they are now at 11/12

It’s scary. Your dd has had her first bad relationship experience at 12. That’s heartbreaking. She should still be giggling with her friends about which boy they think is cute - not feeling broken hearted and getting physical threats over a boy. Pull the reigns back and consider your time in in this

What the actual fuck are you talking about?

Talk to the police and the school.

This would be the absolute fucking end of any 'relationship' my 12 year old would be in with this guy.

"There's obviously something going on between them" - they're 12 FFS. Why are you delving into it. Shut the whole thing down.

@AnyFucker

What the fuck is wrong with you ?

Quite.

This isn't about reporting the boy, or the other girl, who presumably are children themselves. It's about teaching your daughter about healthy relationships. You don't also that by playing games.

Just protect and support your daughter.

The police may be able to retrieve the information if they need to despite it being deleted; it's probably still on the sender's phone anyway