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Handhold please

30 replies

Lovelydovey · 22/01/2021 02:57

My DF is dying. He has Covid and lung cancer and has refused to be ventilated - there is nothing more they can do except make him comfortable. He is the most amazing man, who dedicated his life to others, working as a nurse and then for homeless and refugee charities. He received his lung cancer diagnosis in the first lockdown two days after he retired.

He sent a goodbye message this evening saying he didn’t think he would make it through the night and how much he loved us all. I can’t sleep for waiting for a call from the hospital - they have said that they will let us visit if he deteriorates overnight and regardless that we can see him tomorrow. This will be the first time I’ve seen him since we had a brief socially distanced walk to the park on Boxing Day.

Help me find strength to get through the night, to cope with seeing him to say goodbye, to ease the big gap in my heart when he does, and to deal with all the practical shit that will be inevitable after. In particular help me to find the strength and words to ring my DM once his pain is over, she is in another hospital also with Covid and too unwell herself to visit.

OP posts:
FirsAndFairylights · 22/01/2021 02:59

I’ll hold your hand. I’m so so sorry. What cruelty. Your dad sounds wonderful.

OutOfBread · 22/01/2021 03:00

Op I'm so sorry, giving you a handhold Flowers

IHateCoronavirus · 22/01/2021 03:01

I’m so sorry op, I hope he is comfortable. He sounds like a good man who knows what he wants. Flowers

Sunnysausage · 22/01/2021 03:02

I’m here too - so sorry to hear what you are having to go through. He does sound amazing.

StartupRepair · 22/01/2021 03:03

I'm so sorry. Your Dad sounds lovely.

itsmeagainagain · 22/01/2021 03:03

@lovelydovey I’m here too with a hand xx I’m so sorry for you all xx

MrsAvocet · 22/01/2021 03:16

So sorry to hear your news. I am sure the staff will do everything they can to keep your lovely Dad comfortable. It must be so hard for you with both parents sick and in different places. I don't have any wise words I'm sorry but am thinking of you.

Lovelydovey · 22/01/2021 03:19

Thank you all - your words are a great support. I’ve just called the ward and he’s comfortably sleeping. Hopefully I can do the same for a bit.

OP posts:
StealthRoast · 22/01/2021 03:38

Oh op this is heartbreaking. I’m super close to my dad and can’t imagine how you must be feeling.

Here for a handhold too xx

DramaAlpaca · 22/01/2021 03:41

I'm so sorry Flowers

ButterMeUpScotty · 22/01/2021 04:43

This is just awful, I am so sorry for your father and everything your family is going through. I hope you’re managing some sleep at the moment.Flowers

Mishmased · 22/01/2021 04:47

Hope you're getting some much needed rest. Virtual handhold here and sending you lots of strength Thanks

northender · 22/01/2021 04:58

So sorry you're going through this, another handhold here x

Bilboard · 22/01/2021 04:59

So sorry. Your dad sounds like a wonderful person.

Jasminesmellingcandles · 22/01/2021 05:01

OP I am adding another hand to hold while you and your family go through this truly difficult time.

dublingirl66 · 22/01/2021 05:09

So sorry

You are all in my prayers xxx

Rainbowqueeen · 22/01/2021 05:12

My hand is reaching out to you
It must be a comfort to know he is sleeping. Wishing you well.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 22/01/2021 05:14

Big Hugs.

I am SO sorry. Xx.

Your Dad sounds lovely.

Life isn't fair
Xx

2018SoFarSoGreat · 22/01/2021 06:52

@Lovelydovey your post had me in tears. Your poor lovely dad. And your mum to worry about too. That's a heck of a load to carry.

I'll hold your hand, and prop you up if you need it. And send a little prayer if you don't mind, to help you be strong enough to get through this.

These times. Really, there is just too much sadness and horror. I don't usually pray, but I'm finding hope is not quite enough right now.

AlwaysCheddar · 22/01/2021 06:55

Thinking of you xx

Sexnotgender · 22/01/2021 06:57

I’m so sorry. It’s such an awful situation Flowers I hope you get to spend some time with him. Hearing is the last sense to go, even if you don’t think he can hear you, he can.

We sat by MIL’s bed when she was dying. She had multiple brain tumours and had had a stroke, very much out of it obviously. DH was talking to her and playing some music, we saw tears gently run down her face. She knew we were there.

Lovelydovey · 22/01/2021 20:40

Thank you all your support, it means so much. I got five mins to say goodbye this afternoon (in full PPE). The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. He will slip away quietly at some point over the weekend now he has said what he wants. He has touched so many lives.

OP posts:
Horsemad · 22/01/2021 20:46

❤️ Flowers sorry *LovelyDovey.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 23/01/2021 03:10

That five minutes contained a lifetime of love and thanks and memories.

💐💐💐💐

Sunnysausage · 25/01/2021 00:05

@Lovelydovey - was just thinking about you and hoping you are ok. Flowers