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Handhold please

30 replies

Lovelydovey · 22/01/2021 02:57

My DF is dying. He has Covid and lung cancer and has refused to be ventilated - there is nothing more they can do except make him comfortable. He is the most amazing man, who dedicated his life to others, working as a nurse and then for homeless and refugee charities. He received his lung cancer diagnosis in the first lockdown two days after he retired.

He sent a goodbye message this evening saying he didn’t think he would make it through the night and how much he loved us all. I can’t sleep for waiting for a call from the hospital - they have said that they will let us visit if he deteriorates overnight and regardless that we can see him tomorrow. This will be the first time I’ve seen him since we had a brief socially distanced walk to the park on Boxing Day.

Help me find strength to get through the night, to cope with seeing him to say goodbye, to ease the big gap in my heart when he does, and to deal with all the practical shit that will be inevitable after. In particular help me to find the strength and words to ring my DM once his pain is over, she is in another hospital also with Covid and too unwell herself to visit.

OP posts:
traditionallife · 25/01/2021 00:33

I hope you are doing ok xx

Lovelydovey · 28/01/2021 04:40

Sorry just seen this.

My DF passed away in the early hours on Sunday morning - he had said everything he wanted to say, knew he was truly loved and slipped away peacefully holding the nurse’s hand. It’s been a whirlwind rollercoaster of emotions. It is amazing how many people knew and loved him and how many lives he had touched. He passed away in the hospital he trained and first worked in as an A&E nurse.

My DM remains in hospital with covid and double pneumonia. I was allowed in on Sunday to hold her hand while I told her about my DF and have since been allowed to visit every other day. She’s so unwell I’m not sure DF’s death has really sunk in for her. She did manage to video call him the day before he passed away which I am very grateful for. I’m having to be so strong for her, to protect her from everything going on so she can get better. She has however decided that she would like my dad to be cremated with their scrabble score book - a brilliant gesture given that my dad often used to joke that he only married her because she was the only girl he’d met who could beat him at it! They would have been married for 40 years next month.

OP posts:
Sunnysausage · 28/01/2021 09:26

Oh God, that is so sad and so lovely at the same time. What an amazing marriage and what lovely parents. I’m glad the end was peaceful for him, and very much hope your DM turns a corner soon. xx

2018SoFarSoGreat · 31/01/2021 01:10

@Lovelydovey your update made me sob for you, for your poor mum and lovely dad. I've just had my 40th anniversary and we play scrabble ferociously every weekend. This could be us!

I'm so glad you can visit, hold hands and just be. Sending healing thoughts and prayers to your mum. And a hug to you 💐

Toocold · 31/01/2021 09:00

I’m so sorry for your loss and what a wonderful sounding man, I’m also sorry your mum is so poorly 💐

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