Sorry, feeling quite despondent, Can you chat with me?

[Lua]

I have called the samaritans, no answer....

I know it is so tough for everyone. I do feel a bit spoiled complaining. I have seen so many on here loosing loved ones...

I will focus my attention on Mr. Bean. Thanks everyone! You are the best!

@Lua I have a friend who volunteers for the Samaritans and she was telling me that due to COVID, they have to take a short break between shifts so that the volunteer areas can be sanitised before the next set of volunteers come in.
I said ‘what about if there’s a call?’ And she said it gets transferred to another office on a different shift pattern.

So... keep trying them. They’re a brilliant organisation. I’d like to volunteer for them myself one day.

Hang on in there. Teens test every shred of patience. Got the T shirt.

It sounds like you are experiencing such a difficult time OP. Keep trying to speak to the Samaritans. You have said you may harm yourself contemplating suicide which is an indicator of how desperate you must be feeling at the moment. Ring 111 and speak to someone they will be able to put you on contact with MH services. Support for you and working with your family may be an option. Do any small things that will help you to keep safe an hour at a tone if you need to and get the proper help you need ring Samaritans and 111. 💐💐💐

The very fact your sat feeling awful and writing on this thread makes you a loving caring mother. Please stay strong I'm sending love to you. X

Ex did came by and took away dangerous things. Bless him. Did not ask me any questions.... This makes me feel much better.

Thanks again for the support.

This may sound weird- but when I’m stressed or have insomnia there is a podcast I listen to called Nothing Much Happens. It’s a woman with a nice calm accent who sort of tells boring stories - but it is super soothing and sort of calms the mind. Might be helpful if your thoughts tend to escalate when you’re trying to go to sleep.

No matter what has happened and how discouraged you feel, please remember 1 thing. God loves you soooooo much. ❤

@Lua it's brilliant that your ex helped you without questioning why. He obviously still cares about you; which is a lovely thing when so many people turn sour once a relationship is over (and even when it's not over haha). Great stories . As for the bicycle it's not expensive or anything but it does the job and looks fab doing it haha. Not been on it in ages mind, probably has a flat tyre from languishing in the garage...

@jessyjo2 I like that. Not religious myself but it can be conforting thinking of things bigger than yourself and imagining it to be true.

Ditto talking things through aloud. Maybe do this on your own or in quiet places outside though, so people don't think you're mad. We're all mad of course...but people must not think we are .

Lua - this may make you smile- I ordered a chocolate hamper for a friend as a surprise as she’s had a tough time. Some days later the dispatch email was to my home - it was already on its way to me!! V tasty they are too, the only down side is I had to order another for my pal so it’s cost lots! Take heart Lua things always look better in the morning

I don't know if you would listen to podcasts but on Audible French and Saunders have 6 free episodes called Titting About, it's so silly and stupid it gives me a good distraction especially if I've rowed with one of mine. We have screamed some wicked things at each other I'm not proud of and he ran to his dads for a few days but after we cooled down and gave it time we are sort of getting there. I wish you well it's awful

Sorry you’re feeling like this. I promise you won’t always feel this way, I’ve been there

How are you feeling this morning @Lua?

Thank you all for the lovely support. I called my work counselling service this morning. Hopefully they will call back soon.

briebuiltthiscity - that sounds like a super idea. Thanks.

Pantsomime - That is funny. I once bought a super nice easter rabbit for my niece. Flew 12 hours to where my family lives. Kept the thing in the best condition possible. Took a taxi to go see her, and the rabbit melt in the journey.... It looked aweful! but it was still tasty when I ate it...
However, I know I am as low as i ever been, because I don't even care for eating chocolate.

MistyMinge2 - Thanks for checking on me. I am still feeling quite bruised. Trying to get really busy, but just want to scream and hide under the blanket after opening work email and realizing the number of stuff waiting for me...

Gosh sorry your work sounded so full on. Can you talk to management if you’ve got too much? And so good your tried the work counselling service.
I’m also glad your ex came and was protective of you . You’ve managed another day and I honestly think as we see more signs of spring and the weather will improve it’ll help too. I’m really longing for happy and easy times for you and they will come .

How are things for you now, lua?