Sorry, feeling quite despondent, Can you chat with me?

[Lua]

I have called the samaritans, no answer....

Everything is very stressful at the moment , I can’t begin to imagine how you are feeling , have you tried the Samaritans again? Do you want to talk about how you feel right now?

oh, I am horrified, I thought I name changed!

Don't worry about the name change. No one is going to judge.

I will definetely called a doctor tomorrow am, I just don't want to do anything impulsive tonight.

Anyone has some really funny stories to tell? Sorry I am just feeling so dead inside, Tv is not helping...

Thank you Misty, I am of course, beyond caring...

How are you a horrible mother for not accepting being called a cunt? Why is he calling you a cunt? Was his father the same? It sounds better for you all if you live apart for now if your son is calling you that.

It has been very difficult with him. No, his father has never been abusive. He also calls his father all kinds of names. I don't know why. I have tried to get help for him, he doesn't want it. I think he is hurting, has low self-steem and hurt his loved ones to feel better.

So that is why I am a horrible mother, I have a dd with OCD; and a DS with lord know what.... I am emotionally a wreck... so i must be partly responsible.

Also, when you asked them not to walk away from you or it would hurt you, did they interpret that as you saying not to go to their dads? Rather than what (I presume) you meant, to stay in the room and resolve things? So many arguments seem to be misunderstandings.

I'm not sure if you'll find this funny but here goes...

This morning dd had whole school online assembly, the headmaster was giving a serious motivational speech, dd managed to unmute without realizing and was singing "simply the best"
The whole school burst out laughing, teachers had to turn their camera off because they were laughing so much, the head thanked her for serenading them all and dd is still absolutely mortified

Hope it managed to raise a little smile

My 5 year old ran and got into bed with me this morning and said 'I'm feeling excited and confident this morning, but I don't know why'. Oh to be a 5 year old. I'm well aware he might be calling me a c**t in the teenage years, but it put a smile on my face this morning and maybe it'll put a smile on yours. Remember those lovely times with your children. They'll come through the other side.

I agree that many arguments are misunderstandings, but in this case I did meant please don't just walk away from the house (to his dad) because of this disagreement. They were not due to go today.

@purpleboy - It did!! that is so sweet

The weird thing is that at the same time as DS can be incredibly abusive, he is also the best in the family to give emotional support. He still gives the best hugs! So wish I could sort out what is eating him inside.

I absolutely promise you things will get better, but in the meantime please seek help. You need to make yourself better before you can properly deal with this.

You may or may not be indirectly 'responsible' for some of what they are struggling with but they are adults now and have to take responsibility for their own actions and what they say. Plus many things like that can be genetic so not something you have any control over. Stop beating yourself up. Do you have Netflix? Mr. Bean (silly as he is) always cheers me up or Jack Whitehall's Travels With My Father? Have a nosey!

Mr. Bean sounds like a good idea.

So what is your great dashing bycicle?

It must be so hard trying to parent teenagers at the best of times and even harder on your own!

When I think back to some of the arguments I had with my Mum I shudder. I always knew I loved my mum but it's only when you become a parent that you realise what they were going through and how hard it is. I hope you realise this and know that they appreciate you and love you, even if they don't understand or show it right now. Big hugs.

What relaxes you? For me it’s a cup of tea, lighting a candle and watching something a bit heartwarming (I’m a sucker for anything involving dogs).

Hi Lua, I picked up your thread because I’m a bit down and grumpy today and do rely on the Samaritans at especially tough moments.

Your life has worth and meaning. You are bearing this pain, tough though it is. Even if it is impossible to imagine this too will pass.

Well it might make you laugh it might not, but today I for on my bike thats ive hooked up to a trainer so I can cycle indoors and I guess it wasn't fixed tighrlg or maybe the extra weight I put on... I dunno but I literally fell over still attached to my bike as I have those shoes that clip in.

I have a lovely tyre mark on my floor right now lol 😆 I mean how stupid can I be to fall over on my bike and indoors 🙈

OP I’m so sorry it’s been tough and well done talking here and such a good idea to try the doctor as soon as you can. The best thing you can do for your children and in love for them and for you is get professional support when it’s been a tough time and I am looking on it like a season at the moment (winter) and things really do get better.

Also look after yourself in general and eat well and take vitamins as it sounds silly but this and sleep can make a hard time feel worse.
I love the Mr bean idea and one thing I find funny is a comedian called Veich responding to a spam email if you can find the video on you tube . I’ve watched it several times happily!!

I just called my ex to come and take stuff out of the house that is pulling on my brain. That should ease temptation.

Hope you have not hurt yourself too badly cycling mad!

The first important interview I went to, I pulled the chair and sat at the floor! >

I still got the job....

I'm glad it made you smile. She is thankful she isn't in school to be ridiculed

Do you have any RL support?