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Original poster

how do we help my DS to sleep through the night, and not get up to snack??

44 replies

SpanishFly · 17/01/2021 08:31

It's is becoming a total nightmare.
In the interests of full disclosure, he has aspergers (and PDA).

We have chats with him every few days - your sleep cycle is mucked up, you need to stay in bed if you wake, just don't get up, etc etc etc. He uses a sleep app, we take his phone off him.
But almost every night, he gets up and goes for a snack. We have no clue how long he is up, but the evidence that he has been up is always there - lights on which weren't when we went to bed, kitchen cupboard open, less milk in the fridge etc. Today I got up to find Celebration wrappers AND a crisp bag in the bin. It is wearing me out, so I have no clue how he must feel.
He is very well fed during the day, he has never slept well, but this is wrecking any chance he has of rectifying his sleep cycle.
He will not listen to anything we ask him to do. Any tips at all?

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 17/01/2021 08:51

How old is he? Is he definitely sleep deprived? (As opposed to having a lie in to catch up.) What is his eating like in the day? Is it an opportunity to eat food that is restricted in the day? Is he hungry or just a habit? Does he enjoy the quiet? Is he struggling to get back to sleep when he wakes or is it just learnt?

That's a lot of questions and you don't have to answer them all here. It's good to be clear what the main problem is as that will potentially point towards a solution. For example being awake at night might be OK if he lies in and does something safe. When you say you are tired, is he disturbing you at night, or is it you are anxious about it?

Original poster
SpanishFly · 17/01/2021 09:18

Sorry, I thought I had said - he's 15. He doesn't usually wake us, but sometimes does.
It's so wearing because we keep asking him not to do it, yet he does it constantly. It's a symptom of the bigger PDA issue, where he follows no advice that we give him :/ I'm so concerned about his future - he's lovely and funny and kind, but is obsessed with his PC, eats rubbish (and has no off switch, so keeps eating rubbish) and doesnt sleep well.
He eats a big decent healthy lunch and dinner, as we are trying to restrict the unhealthy stuff. I don't know if that's part of the issue - that he feels like we're saying no to the unhealthy stuff so he's hiding when he eats it.
I feel like he should maybe have something like a bowl of cereal before bed to try to fill him up, so we'll try that tonight. Whenever we offer supper he tends to refuse, but again I don't know whether that's because he was planning to get up later for treats or whether he's genuinely not needing anything because his body knows he'll eat later.
He doesnt seem to be sleep deprived, but it often catches up with him, and then he has a night where he goes to bed early and crashes out.
I also can't see how this could be healthy for him. Eating chocolate and crisps during the night can't be doing him any good at all.

OP posts:
WintryShowers · 17/01/2021 09:25

My DS is younger, but I can totally see us here in 5 years time.
he's lovely and funny and kind, but is obsessed with his PC, eats rubbish (and has no off switch, so keeps eating rubbish) and doesnt sleep well.

What happens if you don't buy in the food he is waking up for? Would he still get up if there is only healthy food available? Is he drinking enough water?

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Sethy38 · 17/01/2021 09:25

Don’t buy the chocolate and crisps op

If desperate for them yourself, keep them in your room.

Otherwise just don’t have junk in the house. He will soon stop if no incentive

Almostslimjim · 17/01/2021 09:30

Yes, the obvious answer is don't have it in the house and see if it makes a difference.

If it doesn't and he's going down to eat toast, an apple and a glass of milk I'd leave him to it.

EnglishRose1320 · 17/01/2021 09:32

You say you don't want him to get up, I think that might be part of the issue. My ds who has ASD and some PDA traits often wakes in the night. If I told him he had to stay in bed he is likely to get up and move all around the house, disturbing us much more.
If he wakes up, he has a list of about 4/5 things he is allowed to do quietly in his room, you are much more likely to go back to sleep if you get up and do a quiet activity, rather than just toss and turn in bed as well.
Because it's a list he can pick, giving him that element of control he seeks but within safe boundaries.

We don't have an issue with food at night time so I don't know what to suggest with that, our ds is a massive snacker just before bed so we always do one last snack and a glass of milk. I think for the time being I would be tempted to not make a big deal of it. Reduce the amount of snacks available in the house, then let him pick 1 to take up to his room before bed, ready for the night time- if you are okay with the snacks, he might be less tempted to get them.

pawivy · 17/01/2021 09:34

Hmmm I don't know really. If all it causes is the odd early night, teens have crazy sleep patterns anyway.

Dh has always done this. Gets up for milk and snack every night, I threatened to divorce him when he ate mccoys steak crisps and came back to bed stinking. He eats well all day, is not overweight, just cannot go all night without food.

Could you leave a healthier night snack if that's what the worry is? Like made up ready for him.

It's biscuits here, so many biscuits.

yikesanotherbooboo · 17/01/2021 09:43

I have never had any success in just telling teenagers what to do. They have to want to change behaviour and even then, being teenagers are likely not to follow through. He will learn through experience , like the rest of us.
Let him know that it is inconsiderate to leave a mess and lights on, model good behaviour and reduce the snacks available .

maddiemookins16mum · 17/01/2021 10:06

If he’s only eating certain things, don’t have them in the house (or so as not to be too harsh, have them ‘hidden’. You’ll then see if he’s eating raw carrots and cucumber as opposed to sweets and crisps.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 17/01/2021 10:10

Melatonin
Sorry I hate to always recommend drugs
But it’s a pretty low grade one and it works

Thisisworsethananticpated · 17/01/2021 10:11

Oh and I now hide all sugar in the car boot

Seeline · 17/01/2021 10:16

Does he get up at a reasonable time in the morning?

Does he get to school on time/attend online classes?

Is he obviously tired during the day?

How long has this been going on for? My DS went practically nocturnal during the first lockdown. I think it's mucked up a lot of teen routines.

And definitely don't have crap food in the house. If all he can find to snack on is an apple, he may stay in bed

Original poster
SpanishFly · 17/01/2021 10:18

Thanks everyone - OK, I like the ideas of giving him a list of what he CAN do, and also to make sure he eats before bed, as he often brushes his teeth and slinks off to bed before we've even realised.

Also, I will hide the sweets etc - I didn't want to start hiding food, but I don't think there's an alternative. Most of them I didn't actually buy - but Christmas happened, and we ended up with tubs of Heroes etc :/
We have a younger son, and he is very responsible with snacks, i.e. he'll happily have a bowl of fruit etc, so it seems a shame for him to see that food is being confiscated and hidden away - it's hard to know what to do that won't make them both obsessive over it all, if that makes sense.
Just noticed that he hasn't left enough milk for anyone to have cereal this morning, ugh

OP posts:
Original poster
SpanishFly · 17/01/2021 10:18

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Melatonin Sorry I hate to always recommend drugs But it’s a pretty low grade one and it works
we've tried melatonin for a few months - it didnt seem to work. We could try again, though. Thanks
OP posts:
Original poster
SpanishFly · 17/01/2021 10:20

@Seeline

Does he get up at a reasonable time in the morning?

Does he get to school on time/attend online classes?

Is he obviously tired during the day?

How long has this been going on for? My DS went practically nocturnal during the first lockdown. I think it's mucked up a lot of teen routines.

And definitely don't have crap food in the house. If all he can find to snack on is an apple, he may stay in bed

No.

Only if we wake him 5 times. He would roll over to sleep if we didn;t nag at him.

Some days he's like a ghost. Others he is fine.

He's never been a great sleeper, but I'm not actually sure how long it's being going on now. Lockdown won't be helping - their "routines" are shot and lives upside-down :(

OP posts:
LizFlowers · 17/01/2021 10:21

I wouldn't worry too much as long as he isn't becoming overweight. Many people wake up in the night and go for a snack. Some people are more creative in the middle of the night too, they have ideas and write/do things. Your son is 15 so old enough to make his own mind up about getting up, etc. Presumably he doesn't have to stay awake all day at the moment so will catch up on sleep if he needs to.

Tell him to put things away when he has finished and turn the lights off, that's good manners and common sense. Other than that, let him get on with it, he's almost grown up.

IsolaPribby · 17/01/2021 10:21

@Almostslimjim

Yes, the obvious answer is don't have it in the house and see if it makes a difference.

If it doesn't and he's going down to eat toast, an apple and a glass of milk I'd leave him to it.

This, really.

If he is 15 with ASD and PDA, then there could be a lot worse going on. Pick your battles.

AtleastitsnotMonday · 17/01/2021 11:21

Could you try getting him to take a large glass of milk to bed and tell him if he wakes in the night he should stay in his room and drink that?

MMMarmite · 17/01/2021 11:28

I also tend towards leaving him to it. I sometimes go for a hot chocolate if I have insomnia. It's miserable lying in bed awake for hours.

At 15, unless he has a much lower mental age, I would think he's old enough to make this choice himself.

LizFlowers · 17/01/2021 11:33

MMMarmite: At 15, unless he has a much lower mental age, I would think he's old enough to make this choice himself.
.......
I think so too.

Original poster
SpanishFly · 17/01/2021 11:56

Thanks everyone.
While I totally agree that he's of an age to do this if he wants, I think my stress over it is just because he consistently makes poor choices re sleep/food/studying etc, and I feel it's our job to keep guiding him to healthier choices. So it's a build-up of all these stresses/worries - and I feel like he just slips even further if we allow certain things.

But on the flipside, I completely agree with you, as it's clear that us getting stressed and telling him what to do is just not working :/ So, yep, I hear you.

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 17/01/2021 12:00

Why do you keep having junk food in the house then?
I am a junk foodaholic so I simply do not buy any. Therefore I can't eat it. You won't find any chocolate, biscuits or snack food in my home.

DianaT1969 · 17/01/2021 12:05

Even though the sweets and snack foods are left over from Christmas, I'd just get rid of any sugar crap.
Have a kitchen stocked for meals only. The most he could get is toast, cereal or fruit in the night. Yes, it's sugar, but not so binge-worthy and tempting.

Original poster
SpanishFly · 17/01/2021 12:10

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Why do you keep having junk food in the house then? I am a junk foodaholic so I simply do not buy any. Therefore I can't eat it. You won't find any chocolate, biscuits or snack food in my home.
@Shehasadiamondinthesky OK, I'm not sure if you meant to sound judgey, but as I have said previously - I have another child who is very responsible with food. AND I don't buy much of it, but xmas meant we ended up with lots of chocolates.
OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 17/01/2021 12:46

I'd throw it all away and start again. Not in a dramatic display but just to have a fresh start.

He probably needs more protein at this age. Eggs, tuna, beans, nuts for snacks instead of crisps. And bananas. Great filling snack.

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