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Original poster

I can't take any more of DH's snoring!

56 replies

MooChops89 · 16/01/2021 09:58

It is constant. And so loud. And when its not loud it sounds snotty and clicky. Its driving me insane!
I have a 6 month old who still wakes for bottle feeds and likes to have a whinge during the night, and when he finally settles down DH starts the bloody orchestra.
I am starting to feel like a zombie, I'm not sleeping and it's making me cranky and shouty. He slept on the sofa voluntarily in the end last night but I feel awful, he can't help it!
I've asked him to make an effort to lose weight but he gets offended and although unhappy with his weight he isn't ready to do anything about it. He can't sleep on the sofa forever!
Has anybody had any success with any remedies they can suggest? Not sure nose strips are gonna cut it to be honest.
We've been married 4 years next week and at this rate we might not make it!

OP posts:

DenisetheMenace · 16/01/2021 09:59

Sounds like obstructive sleep apnoea. Needs to see GP and be assessed for a CPAP.

tinselvestsparklepants · 16/01/2021 10:26

Sounds like you already have but make sure you keep talking about it. You're right, he can't help it and isn't doing it on purpose. But you can't sleep and you can't continue like this and you worry that it's going to affect your marriage. You need to tackle this together, both put in the effort to find a solution. Reassure him that you don't see it as his fault but ask him to work together to fix it - or it will become his fault. Sounds like weight loss could help - can you rethink exercise and meal plans as a family? Let's face it, it's tough for everyone at the moment and "you're fat and you snore" even if not said directly, is going to make anyone feel rubbish. But some new recipies and walks and a kind conversation about the snoring, less so. Good luck. Sleep deprivation is awful.

Doublefaced · 16/01/2021 10:29

He needs to lose weight. Simple as.
And he sleeps on the sofa until he does.
Record him and play it back so he realised how bad it is.
Ex DH was a snorer. It’s so tough, night after night. I had murder on my mind many times!

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Original poster

MooChops89 · 16/01/2021 20:14

Thanks all.

Didn't think of sleep apnoea @DenisetheMenace, I've suggested he sees GP but I guess stuff like this isn't a priority at the min. Also a CPAP machine would surely be worse than the snoring

We had a bit of a chat about it this morning, he says he feels like I think he's a fat mess as I often suggest he loses weight (but always in a nice way and usually as a "I'm having a go, why don't you try too as it'll work really well") but he's going to try eating better for a bit and see how it goes.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 16/01/2021 20:18

He can help it. He can lose weight.

clary · 16/01/2021 20:18

My DH snored really badly (soooo loud) for ages, but he has been cycling to work (5 miles) since lockdown and he has lost weight (not eaten less at all) - his jeans fit better and the snoring has really reduced/disappeared. Worth a try.

Concestor · 16/01/2021 20:20

He's going to "try" eating better "for a bit" and "see how it goes".

He's not going to do a thing. Nothing will change. He has no intention of losing weight.

Sexnotgender · 16/01/2021 20:24

@zurala

He's going to "try" eating better "for a bit" and "see how it goes".

He's not going to do a thing. Nothing will change. He has no intention of losing weight.

This. It doesn’t affect him so he doesn’t actually give a shit.

If he cared he’d do something about it.

NecklessMumster · 16/01/2021 20:27

I've had this for years. My ears are sore from constant ear plugs. He has now got a referral to the sleep clinic but obviously this not an nhs priority atm.

OwlWearingGlasses · 16/01/2021 20:39

My husband snores and isn't overweight. I wear earplugs but my children are older. The earplugs I wear don't make my ears sore - they are soft squishy foam.

NecklessMumster · 16/01/2021 20:42

Mine isn't overweight either. I do use foam earplugs but after 20 years my ears are a bit fed up. And it only muffles the noise a bit.

Thwack · 16/01/2021 20:44

Losing weight might help but there are millions of normal weight snorers.

Separate rooms are the solution!

NecklessMumster · 16/01/2021 20:45

We don't have a spare room now both ds back from uni. There's the sofa but I feel mean....

user1471427614 · 16/01/2021 20:46

I also suffer from this problem, can anyone recommend an anti snoring mouthguard

lalaloopyhead · 16/01/2021 20:49

Dh snores and it drives me mad. I think he needs to lose weight and drink less...he got a mouth piece thing that is like a retainer...it's uncomfortable to wear but I kind of think tough if he is not willing to take any other action. It does help.

MacNacFeegle · 16/01/2021 20:50

I've had a few snorers. As pp have said, it's not affecting him, so he won't do anything about it...

...unless you make it affect him. I might get jumped on, but the only thing that remotely worked with one ex (also quite overweight, also no motivation to lose weight, slept on his back and was impossible to roll over - I tried!) was to wake him up properly every time I was kept properly awake. By this I mean not every time it disturbed me, but if it then prevented me dropping back off, and I felt I'd given it a fair chance, maybe counted a few sheep/read a few pages, then I would wake him up properly. It didn't make him snore any less but it showed him how much it was affecting my sleep every single night. I also recorded him to show I was giving it a fair chance before I woke him.

And by waking him properly, I mean awake enough to get up, because that was how awake I was being kept. Not just shove-mumble apology-lie on side-roll onto back-start snoring again-and repeat!

He's an ex so no idea if he still snores. The main change was that he started asking (nicely) if he should sleep elsewhere every so often to give me a proper night's sleep!

Stoatsandweazles · 16/01/2021 21:08

Oh I'm sorry! 9 month old baby here and pregnant with number 3. DH snores like a trooper. DC2 is out of our room now but previously DH would wake him up snoring. Personally for him it comes down to two things 1. How much he has drunk that evening 2. Being overweight. If he won't lose weight, I don't think it will get better.

Aurelia1313 · 16/01/2021 21:11

Hey sounds just like me and my DH! He snores like a rabid velociraptor. He is also overweight and he does try but he's an emotional eater and the last year has just kicked him in the ass, and me!
We are lucky enough to have a spare room so we just sleep separately. It's far better than me nagging the crap out of him when he's struggling or wanting to smother him with a pillow. People are overweight for different reasons, not just being lazy try and have a chat with him about why, is he comfort eating, stress eating etc
I have learned to come at it from a place of caring and understanding which is easier when I've had a good night's sleep lol
I have to say never having had weight struggles of my own I was pretty shitty at this until we spoke to a Dr about it.
Also we tried EVERYTHING you could buy to stop it, save your money it's all crap it doesn't work. Best of luck!

BillMasheen · 16/01/2021 21:14

Also a CPAP machine would surely be worse than the snoring

Nope, it really really isn’t. Wife of a snorer with supposedly ‘mild’ apnea here. DH is apparently at the very bottom end of whet they would normally issue a machine to. I dread to think what ‘Bad’ sounds like.

A CPAP machine makes a mild whooshing noise, a lot like white noise and is actually quite a soothing sound. Totally unlike the orchestra of snorts wheezes coughs splurts and grunts I get to enjoy without it.

Quornflakegirl · 16/01/2021 21:16

My dh is 6'4 and very slim he snores like a wild animal and has been in the spare room for years. Weight isn't always why people snore.

YouJustDoYou · 16/01/2021 21:16

My dh is exactly the same.We invested in a sofa bed, which I now sleep on every night and he's in the "main" bed. Best decision ever.

FourTurnings · 16/01/2021 21:19

My DH and I sleep in separate rooms due to his snoring.

HelloDulling · 16/01/2021 21:21

We sleep separately. It’s heaven.

CMOTDibbler · 16/01/2021 21:22

My dhs new CPAP machine makes far less noise than our central heating pump a couple of rooms away. You really have to listen hard to hear it - his first one 14 years ago was loud, but nowhere near as bad as him snoring, stopping, gasping, snoring...

MKCH · 16/01/2021 21:22

CPAP is a game changer. DP has the fitting that goes into your nostrils and also the small mask one that just goes over his nose and they're both great although he prefers the latter - the only noise I hear is when it shifts slightly (often when he's lying on his side) and then it's a slight hissing noise but easily rectified.
It has saved our relationship. We'd be sleeping in separate rooms if he didn't have it.

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