Any cat owners around? Handhold, please (and advice, if you've got any)

[SwampyArmpits]

Posting in Chat for traffic. Sorry if this thread turns into a long-winded pouring of my heart out, just feeling extremely overwhelmed!

I have an 18-year-old with several health problems including kidney disease, incontinence, arthritis and neuropathy, and it's becoming an absolute nightmare to look after him. 80% of the day is taken up trying to get him to eat, medicating him 3x a day, changing litter trays, cleaning up accidents on the carpet of my rented house 😔, changing out leaked-on puppy pads (which are covering most of the house at this point), laundering beds and showering him because he's pooed and fallen in it (is it classed as TMI if it's a cat?!). The other 20% I spend cleaning and feeding myself and doing the rest of the housework, and I barely have a second to breathe in between.

He's the love of my life, medicated as I mentioned, not in pain and otherwise happy - so happy, in fact, that he still plays games - so getting rid or having him put to sleep are not an option, but I'm getting to my wit's end with it all and don't know what to do to make the situation more manageable.

I suppose this is mostly just a rant and a cry for sympathy, since I'm already taking all the precautions (I think?!) I possibly can, but if anyone has any pearls of wisdom I'm all ears!

Sorry, but as someone who kept convincing their self last year my cat was fine & that he was ok I finally realised I had to let him go. He went off his back legs, we think he had a stroke, got progressively worse as months went on, he went blind (vet did say this wouldn't be a problem) kept missing the litter tray & couldn't wash himself, he was eating well but getting thinner & occasionally fell of the bed. He did seem happy enough in himself, would sit on a lap & enjoyed a fuss & even purr but health wise he wasn't good. He was very nearly 14 so I knew he'd never get better, I'd had him since he was a few months old & it broke my heart, I had him before the kids. The vet was lovely, gave him an injection so he went a bit sleepy & we spent ages with him, then once he gave him the final injection he was gone in seconds, to me as he went so quickly that told me he was ready to go, we spent some time with him after too & even when we went to pay i asked to go back in & they let me, this was just before the first lockdown so I'm not sure how it works now though.
A week later I had a dream he jumped up on the bed while I was asleep, in it no one else could see him but he was nudging me & after a fuss, it was like he was trying to tell me he was ok.
Sorry its not what you want to hear x

You can buy cat nappies but I expect you would need to wash the cat frequently and don't know if she would like them.

It does sound like it is time to let go. My boy purred until the second we brought the carrier out to take him to the vet and I'm glad we let him go while he was still happy rather than watch him deteriorate further.

Your love for your cat shines through your posts, but you need to let him go. It will be devastating I know, but it is the right thing to do.

Sorry OP that’s very hard work! You are an amazing cat parent.

Shocked at the number of internet strangers confidently telling you that “it’s time” to kill your pet. Falling into his poo sometimes doesn’t mean he would rather be dead imo.

Vets - and strangers! Seem very quick to suggest death in cases like these because there is no other ‘solution’ that makes the problem go away. That doesn’t mean it’s the right choice. It does turn my stomach when people say things like ‘let him go’ when what they mean is ‘inject him with poison because this sounds like a massive hassle.’

Hugs OP, difficult decision

Haven't had a chance to properly read through the replies here since I last posted, but before I hit the hay I wanted to thank everyone for (mostly) being so kind, supportive and understanding, and for giving me food for thought. In situations like these you sometimes feel like you can't trust your own judgement and need an outsider's input, so it's all been much appreciated

My 19 year old had 6 months of acute diarrhoea a couple of years ago, just leaked out almost constantly, turns out she was reacting badly to her thyroid tablets - it was a high dose and she didn't get on with any of them. I was going to have her PTS but I decided to try one last ditch treatment. I took her for radioactive iodine treatment which cured it and she was so much better, she now uses the litter tray and the diarrhoea has stopped.
She has renal failure and arthritis too but is a totally new cat now.
However, I have decided if this happens again its time. I'm not putting her through anything else and although I will be devastated it will be the best thing for her.

It's that thing though isn't it? When you know in your heart it's really the right time even though your heart is completely breaking. But you do know that you're making the right choice for them? My vet said 'they're like little children, and they have the complete trust in you to know to do what's right for them' (this was our final trip to the rainbow bridge). And it's beyond horrific, but when it is that point you know you're putting their welfare above your own. Surely better a peaceful sleep with our most loved person there to comfort us is the ending of life we can all only hope to have?

Skyblue, the advice I gave was not done lightly, I have experience of the situation that the Op is in. 17 years later I still know that for my cat I made the right decision.

Op, hope today is a good one for you and your boy.

Very similar position ,19/20 year old girl .3 meds a day ,floors covered in puppy training pads .7 litter trays ,stinking carpet .

what I would add is that she and her brother both purred up to the end and the girl was wolfing down food but I honestly don't think that was a sign that they had no suffering .Cats are v good at internalising distress .

I'm so so sorry but another here advocating "better a day too early "

hugs and

Skyblue, let me explain to you the reality of not euthanising an animal at the right time.

My vet said DCat could have another weekend at home before we PTS. My instinct was to do it there and then but DS wanted to make as big a fuss of her as he could for that last weekend. So I held off.

I came back downstairs on the Monday morning after doing some housework to find her fitting in a pool of her own urine and faeces.

She could have had a calm, gentle, painless death surrounded by the humans who loved her. Instead, due to my wrong decision, she had a horrible death filled with suffering. I will carry that guilt with me.

Frankly if you can't see that part of being a pet owner involves making the hard decision about when the time is right to, as you so charmingly put it, inject poison into their veins, then you are not fit to be anywhere near an animal.

To OP, I repeat: better a day too soon than a day too late. Only you can make that call, but please, please, for your DCat's sake, don't leave it too late.

Also re. purring - cats purr when they're in pain, as a form of self soothing.

Saying "but he's still purring" is not a sign that all is well with your cat.

Im sorry op, but I wouldn't let one of mine live like that. Cats are remarkably good at hiding pain, and if 80% of your day is trying to get him to eat, medicate and clean up after him, then I don't think it's great for him either. I have much less guilt over euthanising an animal than keeping one going with minimal quality of life. Euthanasia means a good death, don't wait until it isn't a good death would be my advice.

It's very hard, but I had to have one if my boys PTS just before lockdown. He had kidney disease and it was time, even though I didn't want it to be. I knew we were at that point as he didn't want to be held anymore, and this was a Klingon cat, he loved being carried around like a baby. He was PTS with me holding him.

He was an older abandoned cat who had been found by the cattery we used in Belgium for our other cat. He had almost 7 years of love, comfort and food on tap for the time he was with us, and there is comfort in knowing he had a really good life with us.

How has your Dcat been ?

@TreacleHart Sorry this is a bit late, first time logging in for a few days so only just saw your post.

Nothing's really changed, Dcat still with us and much the same.

After several people on this thread advised I have him PTS, I called the vet to ask how they're handling euthanasia during covid. It seems they won't do home visits (understandably) and, for mental health reasons, I'm not able to get to the surgery at the moment...so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm terrified it'll get to the point where I'm faced with the same situation as @CaraDuneRedux, but everything just seems completely out of my control and I don't know what to do for the best

We were allowed in with our girl when she went, if you can't do it is there someone else who can help take your cat in?

You know best whether he is ready to go - don’t let strangers on the internet change your gut instinct. I would however at this point in his life let him eat whatever he enjoys, quality over quantity.

@AccidentallyRunToWindsor They're allowing owners to be there, it's just that I can't get there, and I really don't want to let him go without being there with him.

@CausingChaos2 I gave up on trying to feed him a renal diet a couple of months ago because he was barely eating a thing. Since then he's just been having whatever he fancies, and as a result his appetite and energy levels are much better. While I agree the final decision on whether or not to euthanise should be mine, not a stranger's, the volume of replies here saying it's time for him to go is telling. I know I'm repeating myself, but I just want to do what's best for him.