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Original poster

What to say to neighbours

31 replies

Washingpile · 05/01/2021 07:57

Back story - our neighbours made a lot of noise when they moved in. They were doing up their house so was to be expected. We didn’t complain that it was evenings until 10pm or periods of all day every day for over a year with only a guaranteed break at Christmas etc.

Fast forward a few years and we’ve had lots of occasions where they will start at 8 9 10pm. No time seems to be off limits. A bang on the wall usually gets the message over but it doesn’t stop it happening another day.
We’ve recently realised that it’s not diy anymore. It’s restoration of items for work that they run from home. Last lockdown we couldn’t get away from weeks of sanding and tapping and grinding etc. Either in the garden or indoors. It was awful. Another thing is they seem to knock things against the wall and scrape (I assume) furniture and other strange noises. This has been more recent so I’m thinking they have taken up the carpets or rearranged their furniture recently. Last night this scraping and knocking was still happening after midnight when we were in bed. I’m so tired and really worried they will start up more working from home with the power tools during this lockdown. I’m trying to school 2 kids and husband is working here. I don’t think my mental health can stand anymore. We also can’t enjoy as much time outside this time due to the weather so will be very much stuck in a box with all that noise.
I want to put a note through but don’t know what to say. What would you say? We are not friendly with them at all but we don’t really want to fall out either. If push comes to shove they don’t have planning permission to run a noisy business at home but that’s a last resort.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 05/01/2021 09:02

Maybe just knock and speak to them? Ask them to be a bit quieter at night and they might be reasonable people

FippertyGibbett · 05/01/2021 09:07

I think you need to have a conversation rather than banging on the wall.
I think any noise after 8 pm is not acceptable.
TBH I wouldn’t expect any after 5pm.

cyclingmad · 05/01/2021 09:36

Noise complaints via council lif they don't stop.

We have neighbours dlong renovations syaring at 7am on Sunday mornings ffs, I had some very stern words reminding them of the hours and if they don't stick to the hours ill send in evidence and make a formal complaint, they stopped thank god

Your situation seems bit different but could try one more time. Interestingly wonder if they are allowed to run business from home if they have the right insurances etc.

FippertyGibbett · 05/01/2021 09:37

Tax as well if they’re running a business from home.

Original poster

Washingpile · 05/01/2021 09:48

I really hate confrontation. Especially as I have mental health issues and get stressed speaking about these things - I will have almost a panic attack on my way to their door. Heart pounding etc. if it goes badly I’ll get irate and it just doesn’t help.
I don’t expect people to live like mice and when they’re quiet they are very quiet but it’s just this knocking and scraping at night and the woodwork. I wanted to ask how you would word a friendly note so as not to sound like im having a go but to make them aware there is a problem

OP posts:

Original poster

Washingpile · 05/01/2021 09:50

I have 2 teenagers in the house so I’m sure we are noisy at times but that’s family noise and it’s not at inconsiderate times or the sound of power tools etc

OP posts:

MaverickDanger · 05/01/2021 09:50

If you have anxiety, then your husband should go round and speak to them.

Face to face is always the better option, plus a letter is easy to ignore.

Original poster

Washingpile · 05/01/2021 10:02

My husband won’t go. He’d rather ignore it. I get more stressed asking him to have a word as he won’t.

OP posts:

Anyoldname12 · 05/01/2021 10:10

Well you either need to accept the fact that this will carry on or you or your husband need to find a way to work around your MH issues to approach them. I get it, I have terrible anxiety and ADHD so conversations especially about tricky issues really are hard. But the more you “stay in your comfort zone” with anxiety so to speak, the worse you get so if you never have to have difficult conversations you will never get better at it.
Go with facts and prepare what to say before hand. If you really can’t then I suppose a note is the last resort but be warned they never are a nice and polite as the writer perceives.

Lucieintheskye · 05/01/2021 10:10

Send a letter round and note on it that it's for safety, ask them to keep noise down in evenings as your DC have homework to do or something and say you're struggling to sleep.

Unfortunately the noise from their business is unavoidable but they need to keep it to sociable hours. They can easily do quiet jobs in the evening if they need to carry on working.

Original poster

Washingpile · 05/01/2021 10:17

I just feel like they don’t give a shit about anyone. Who runs a noisy business from a terraced house? Why start in the afternoons if you know you won’t be finished until late at night? The old lady the other side is deaf so she is happy as Larry.

I do get the thing with getting out of your comfort zone and before Covid I would have forced myself but I just can’t at the moment. Plus I don’t want to knock on other peoples doors during lockdown.

OP posts:

AntiHop · 05/01/2021 10:21

You definitely need to talk to them. As you are unable, dh needs to step up, even though he's not bothered. They may have no idea they're disturbing you. When I've spoken to neighbours about noise, they had no idea they were disturbing us.

cyclingmad · 05/01/2021 10:28

Speak to them or just report them to the council. I found this useful info. They should not be engaging in noisy works

Yes, it is perfectly legal to run many types of business from your own home. You just need to make sure that you have the necessary permissions for the type of work you are doing, that it isn't causing a nuisance for your neighbours or anti-social in any way, and most importantly that you are paying any necessary business rates (if applicable). Many businesses, particularly those that are small and web-based, will not require any special permissions or cause any social issues, and may not require you to pay business rates.

Some businesses may not be appropriate to run from a residential property, such as those that generate waste materials that may be hazardous to health, or cause excessive noise levels.

Buggy1720 · 05/01/2021 10:30

Just put a polite card through the door saying you didn’t want to knock what with covid but could we agree to a time when you work while we are all living in such strange times. Explain you work from home etc even draft it and post it on here see how people would react would that help you? I’m having issues with neighbours above and put a post on here people reminded me everyone’s lives have changed so it’s all about compromise but like you I HATE confrontation

Anyoldname12 · 05/01/2021 10:31

Who runs a noisy business from a terraced house?
Maybe they’re on the bones of their arse trying to make ends meet? Maybe they genuinely don’t realise how much noise they’re making.

You could easily knock, wear a mask and stand back and be safe, it’s just making an excuse becsuae you don’t want to. Your husband is a useless wet lettuce too.

Put a note through the door but don’t be surprised when they roll their eyes and ignore it. A face to face interaction has more sway.

If it’s so bad keep a diary of the noise and go to the council.

Original poster

Washingpile · 05/01/2021 10:32

Thank you all so much for your input. I will see how things pan out this lockdown and take it from there. I kept a log last time but never did anything with it. Maybe they’d be surprised to see in black and white quite how much they did disturb us. I’ll keep that one up my sleeve for now and try to chill out about it until I can’t.

OP posts:

Beamur · 05/01/2021 10:38

I had something similar with a neighbour during the last lockdown. Contacted the council to find out what the rules were and they sent me a log to complete. What I didn't know was that they wrote to the noisy neighbours too and told them a complaint had been made.
Thankfully they were so mortified that they had been making a nuisance that they stopped. They were also running a bit of a home business that used a lot of power tools and are doing that elsewhere now. Peace has returned. It wasn't nice though and I didn't want to confront it.

SynchroSwimmer · 05/01/2021 10:43

I am like you op, anxious, but have made myself address the same neighbourly things you describe.

Firstly I write it down, and rehearse it in my mind - my list went something like this:

Smile and look open
Meet face to face, be open, engaging and polite
Ask (with a smile) wondering if there is a compromise possibility....?
You probably aren’t aware, but we are impacted quite noticeably with xyz/noise, sometimes at difficult times for us...?
I am struggling with some “other” (non-specific) problems myself at the moment...I am quite anxious and worried
I am anxious about chatting with you about it...
It has taken me a while to be able to chat to you...
this is the effect it is having....can we work together, between us to try and improve things?

are there any things that I can do for you?

I would say do your utmost to try and meet face to face, in the end it took me a year. Had to remind myself to smile and be open to what they said in response, and to negotiate onnthat - as pleasantly as I could manage.

I was aware that if you write, there is no coming back from that, and if a neighbour doesn’t want to engage at all, that is equally difficult because it then leaves you stuck and powerless to move forwards.

cushioncovers · 05/01/2021 10:51

Do you say hello to them on a regular basis? Are they approachable?

Buggy1720 · 05/01/2021 10:53

@Beamur

I had something similar with a neighbour during the last lockdown. Contacted the council to find out what the rules were and they sent me a log to complete. What I didn't know was that they wrote to the noisy neighbours too and told them a complaint had been made. Thankfully they were so mortified that they had been making a nuisance that they stopped. They were also running a bit of a home business that used a lot of power tools and are doing that elsewhere now. Peace has returned. It wasn't nice though and I didn't want to confront it.

Did the council say it was you who had approached them? Or is it anonymous?

MyOwnSummer · 05/01/2021 11:06

A note is the worst possible way to approach this, you are only going to piss them off. You need to talk to them or put up with it. Those are your options.

@SynchroSwimmer has offered a good option of planning the conversation in advance, you should follow that advice though possibly don't harp on too much about your own anxiety. It depends on whether you are dealing with fundamentally nice people or not - a bully would interpret that as weakness. Others might be irritated by what they perceive to be a "woe is me" approach. You can just say that it although they probably haven't realised, it is really affecting your sleep/work and you want to figure out a way forward that works for everyone.

lifestooshort123 · 05/01/2021 11:23

I agree with face to face. When they ignore a note you've shot your bolt so to speak. Before you go round decide on exactly what you want to address otherwise they'll just hear you having a moan. Tell them you're wfh and also home schooling but it's not working out because of the amount of noise coming through the party wall. Tell them that you don't know if they're running a business (that'll alert them to the fact you have further ammo if needed) and that you realise how difficult life is at the moment for everyone, but that you need the use of power-tools/noisy equipment to be restricted as this is a residential terrace. You will have already decided on the hours so just tell them what they need to do - don't apologise or be humble as they're in the wrong. Smile sweetly in a passive-aggressive way and don't move off the doorstep until you've both agreed the changes. If they won't agree then report them to the council with a log. You can do this.

CostaDelCovid · 05/01/2021 11:44

So you're going to allow them to disturb you even more, until you cannot take it anymore?!?!?

Beamur · 05/01/2021 11:47

Buggy
They didn't disclose my name, just 'a neighbour' but not which one

user1471538283 · 05/01/2021 13:21

You need to speak to them. Selfish noisy people really annoy me. There is no way they dont know they are being noisy.

You can log it all and maybe your council will take action but ours never does.

I really dont get how noisy people think this is ok. We had neighbours that knew they were so noisy all the time and yet took offence when it was pointed out to them!

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