I’m so intimidated by my gp I’m scared to approach them despite bleeding heavily since beginning of November, any advice?

[Specksofwhiteallaround]

I’ll start by saying I’m currently obese, no denying it and I absolutely get the seriousness of it. I know it’s contributing to my health problems and it’s something I’ve been unsuccessfully dealing with my entire life so I’m not complaining about her bringing it up, I get that it’s her job to do so.

I’ve been having issues with fertility and irratic, heavy periods since my early twenties both when I was thin and varying degrees of overweight but in 2018 the problems ramped up and I had a heavy period that just wouldn’t stop. When I first saw her she did blood work but that was fine apparently, she organised an ultrasound which was fine and was supposed to refer my to my local hospitals gynaecology department although I’ve since learned she failed to do so. I wasn’t offered anything to actually stop the bleeding until it had been going on over two months and it was at the point I couldn’t leave the house I was flooding so often. I only got help when I went back and happened to see a different gp as she was on holiday, he prescribed tranexamic acid which stopped it within two days.

My periods were mostly regular again after that if heavier than normal so I just put up with it and tried to deal with my food issues.

Then this November my period started and just hasn’t stopped again, I requested tranexamic acid and it reduced it massively until I stopped taking it then it came back immediately so I requested a phone appointment. She suggested the pill as long as I had a blood pressure check so I got that done and admittedly it was very high. When she rang back she launched into a long lecture about my weight and that I just needed to sort it out as I was getting too old for this and I was going to end up dead. She also questioned me on whether I’d always been fat and said she assumed my whole family was also obese (they’re not) then said I had to go buy a home blood pressure monitor and submit twice daily recordings of it for a week before agreeing to prescribe the pill.

My issue is I simply didn’t have the money to go out and buy one three days before Christmas and it will have to wait until pay day at the end of January but I was too intimidated to say this. Now the bleeding is if anything worse after starting the pill but I’m too scared to speak to her again about it. I have severe social anxiety so I’m not very assertive and my general anxiety is through the roof with the whole situation. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

You need to speak to a different doctor. Ring the practice and ask for someone else. She was very rude to you and you don't deserve to be spoken to like that. It is ridiculous to tell a patient to buy a piece of medical equipment. Can you look on your surgery's website to see who else you could consult. Sometimes they have their specialisms listed.

I agree that you should perhaps speak to a different doctor if your relationship with your current GP is poor. Also that bleeding like this is unsustainable.
On the issue of blood pressure though , if you have genuinely raised blood pressure ie not just a one off due to stress it makes a lot of sense to buy a monitor so that you can check it at home and take control over what is frequently a long term condition. The pandemic has meant that GPs have been giving this advice more than previously but that doesn't mean it isn't a good idea.

@yikesanotherbooboo I should have said I have no problems with being told to buy the monitor, I agree it’s needed I just don’t have the money until the end of January but with her attitude I just know she’s going to say it’s an excuse. She suggested I join weight watchers and when I said my social anxiety makes that difficult and would probably exacerbate emotional eating issues she said I was making excuses...

I’d definitely prefer to see someone else as I find her extremely confrontational and every bit of advice she’s given over the years costs money I don’t generally have but all I can think is that she’ll think I’m avoiding her because I don’t want to lose weight which isn’t true, I just don’t want to put up with continual flooding at the same time and I can’t just magic up money for everything she suggests I need to buy

Could you go to someone[either her or someone else] with someone accompanying you? At least in your car, if that is allowed in your tier, and if it is helpful? For at least some moral support?

Could you send an email to a doctor at the GP practice explaining some of what you have written here?

I am so sorry for you OP. There is one GP at my practice that I simply refuse to see. Luckily there are 8 doctors there and I am quite up front about saying I will see anybody except Dr X.
Please, make an appointment and see somebody better. Print your OP and take it with you if you need a prompt with what to say.

Ask to speak to a different doctor or change practices? I had similar issues with a doctor who told me it was something I needed to put up with and at the last appointment sighed and asked 'what did I expect her to do'.
I moved to another practice, blood tests on first appointment, call the following morning for an urgent scan and had an operation within two weeks which has stopped it all. I had suffered for years. If there is nothing underlying perhaps the Mirena coil would help? I had one inserted after my op and after 6 months I don't bleed at all. Not for everyone though.
Good luck, I am sure you will find a sympathetic ear, don't settle for less x

You need to ring the surgery and request to talk to a different GP, and absolutely follow up on the referral to the Gynae unit for further investigations - I can't imagine how you're coping having that heavy bleeding for such a long time!

How exactly does she expect you to be able to lose any weight if you're bleeding too heavily to feel comfortable leaving the house?!

Perhaps you could write down some assertive statements to have next to you when you speak to someone, so if they start going on about your weight you can have a prepared answer to hand and don't feel panicked / on the spot?
e.g.
"Thank you for raising the issue of my weight - I am aware that my BMI falls into the overweight category, and I have put together an exercise and diet plan to work on reducing this to a healthy level. However I am ringing to discuss my extreme excessive bleeding which is impacting negatively on my ability to live my life and my mental health, so it is my first priority to address that. Now if we could please return to discussing options..."

Our surgery has machines that you can borrow to take the readings for blood pressure over the given period you need. Im not sure if Covid has put a stop to this but might be worth speaking to another GP and asking

I refused to be weighed last time I went to the doctors. I know wtaf I weigh, I know I’m overweight and standing on their scale won’t change that. I was there because I had infected excema which is nothing to do with my weight ffs! Tell her you don’t need a key tire you just require treatment.

This is terrible OP and if you have high blood pressure the GP should be looking at whether you need medication for that as well not just telling you to go to weight watchers. If it is a practice with more than one GP just book an appointment with another doctor to discuss the bleeding. You don't need to explain why you don't want to see her.

Thanks for all the replies, some good suggestions I definitely need to take on board.

It’s just frustrating as there appears to be no reason why my periods have gone this way and she’s decided it’s down to my weight which is fair enough except it all started when I was mid twenties, a size ten and doing a very active job. When I pointed out that I had the same problems when I was maintaining a healthy weight she just went hmm and carried on with the lose weight lecture. No one seems able to explain why I struggle to conceive and have terrible facial hair either and the minute I got heavier I was told that was the cause.

@Wiggleinherwalk I can’t even sleep through the night as I’m being woken up by flooding three or four times a night, not sure how she expects me to follow her advice to start walking for exercise right now...

@Flowersupnorth her very first suggestion was a hysterectomy but at 36 I’m still holding out hope for one last baby, she sighed and said I could try the pill. I really hate that sigh, just feels so passive aggressive

As someone who also struggles with social anxiety and weight, I do think that you were too quick to discount the drs suggestion of joining WW. You said that it would 'probably' cause you to eat more. How do you know unless you have tried it? Slimming groups are very kind and supportive. Social anxiety gets worse the more that you avoid things. If anywhere is going to be supportive, it is going there. You don't even have to stay for the meeting. You can just weigh in and run. If you were able to force yourself to go, then it could really lift your confidence and in turn help you to lose weight. They also have lots of online options at the moment so you don't even need to attend in person and the apps that they have are really good to help you keep on track. Many drs will prescribe free sessions (3mths worth to WW or SW). There are also plenty of apps on controlling and understanding emotional overeating. And lockdown is an opportunity to go out for a daily walk/get some exercise.

A new GP would help, but you have to also remove some of those obstacles that you are placing in your own way and setting yourself up for failure before you begin. Fire yourself up and start to have some faith in yourself.

@ChiaraRimini to be fair she did mention medication but it was in the context of if you don’t stop eating now I’ll have to put you on medication and your too young, then in the same breathe said I was too old to be this fat

I honestly dread the thought of having deal with her, as if it wasn’t mortifying having to admit that after she read me the riot act last time I did manage to shift over a stone but I’ve put most of it back on over lock down I spent most the holidays with one eye on my mobile as I’m paranoid she’s going to ring me to ask where the monitor readings that I haven’t done are

Specks, have you been tested for PCOS yet or had a referral to get checked, as some of those symptoms would be explained by PCOS.

@Fandaddydoozie See this is exactly why I’m terrified of approaching the gp for help, she thinks I’m just making excuses and putting obstacles in my own way.

My social anxiety is so bad that I’m struggling to leave the house and engage with people at times so yes I can pretty confidently say I wouldn’t be able to cope with public meetings without having been to one, it also costs money and there was certainly no offer of funding for it. I’ve engaged with every free service she refers me too but my problems seem to be too complex and I was told there was no funding for better therapy or counselling.

Lockdown was also one of the reasons the weight crept back on, I could no longer get outside for a walk daily like I had been as I had my vulnerable son at home shielding. As soon as he was back in school I was walking again and haven’t put on any more weight since then but it’s obviously not an option right now with my current bleeding and the fact his schools not reopened yet.

Explaining why something is untenable is always going to be seen as an excuse by someone who doesn’t have the exact same problem.

@Orange32 a former gp looked into pcos when I was younger as we struggled to conceive and I had all the classic symptoms but they said nothing on the scan indicated I had it, she also dismissed it after seeing my blood tests. She suspected thyroid issues at one point as my hair was dropping out in clumps but I think that was mostly stress and anxiety induced as it eventually stopped and it wasn’t mentioned again. She hasn’t really given me a reason my why weight is causing it either, just said to lose weight.

You need that referral, I would phone your practice and request a different doctor. Explain it’s about an ongoing issue, you were referred but are yet to receive an appointment. They will look at your notes and get up to date with your current situation and hopefully re-refer you to the hospital. It’s disgraceful how woman are left to just get on with it and ignored or made to feel ashamed.

It's tough because dieting isn't cheap, and its certainly not easy.
You can make a complaint- have a look at Citizens Advice bureau. She sounds like shes deliberately being difficult. Definitely request another doctor or even change surgery.
In the meantime, try and get some gentle iron supplements to help prevent you becoming anaemic from the sustained blood loss. That will also help energy levels too. Spatone or Floravital are good.

Could it be this?

@HotButteredRumPaPumPum I’ve just started on iron again, the last time this happened I was on the verge of needing a transfusion so I’m definitely concerned about it again. I only found out as the lovely gp who prescribed me the tranexamic acid requested a blood test to check my iron levels. I’d have switched to him in a heartbeat but sadly he’s now retired.

I have the option of two other gps so I think I need to put my brave face on and request to see one of them. I have awful inflamed contact dermatitis all over my hands from having to wash them so often and have been putting off asking for advice about that too just to avoid the lecture about not monitoring my blood pressure and having to admit I just don’t have the spare money to buy one yet

Op I’m so sorry you have been treated so awfully by your doctor. I have similar issues so hopefully this will help:
Some suggestions:
You might be anemic so that’s a vicious circle- the more you bleed the more anemic you get and the more you bleed etc
Quick way to stop anemia is an iron infusion. Don’t let them fob you off with tablets.
Also you need an ultra sound to check for fibroids.
Also with your comments about hairs on the chin as for a fasting test for polysistic ovaries.
Can you have a friend support you? Or write a list of your issues. I am not assertive at the doctors. But often they are not sure what they are doing either.
One last thing to consider is a form of endometriosis that is called Adenomyosis it can cause heavy bleeding.
It’s time to get a referral to a gynecologist- or can you self refer? They pill isn’t finding out what is wrong. It’s a sticking plaster. Espically if you would like another baby.

Lastly weight loss- as someone who finds it hard to lose weight and is very responsive to sugar and was obsessed with food a eating plan called The Human Being Diet by Petronella Ravenshear has really helped me. I have lost 10 kilos since October. It stops cravings and balances the blood sugar. It’s hard at first but there is a lot of online support - every Tuesday there is an Instagram live. But I don’t think about food in between meals anymore and I feel a lot lot better. Sadly my periods have not improved much despite going from obese to overweight. However in a way that is an answer that more than weight is affecting my cycle. Hope you find answers.

@Cameron2012 I have every symptom on the list, my weight initially started increasing despite no change to my diet and working an active job for 12 hours a day, I started growing hair all over my face at the same time, took five years to conceive my son and have no luck over the years with a second, my periods go from being months late to lasting weeks, and I’ve got terrible skin but every medical person I’ve seen says no cysts so it can’t be that. I almost wish it was that just so I’d have a answer to what’s going on that isn’t your fat and lazy.

[quote Specksofwhiteallaround]@Orange32 a former gp looked into pcos when I was younger as we struggled to conceive and I had all the classic symptoms but they said nothing on the scan indicated I had it, she also dismissed it after seeing my blood tests. She suspected thyroid issues at one point as my hair was dropping out in clumps but I think that was mostly stress and anxiety induced as it eventually stopped and it wasn’t mentioned again. She hasn’t really given me a reason my why weight is causing it either, just said to lose weight.[/quote]
OP you might need those bloods repeated.. I had PCOS since teenage and my weight pretty much doubled, while I was having heavy periods and erratic cycles.. tranexamic acid is very temporary (but I literally wept with gratitude when it stopped the bleed) and it was a combination of Metformin and exercise (I preferred Zumba to anything else) which helped the condition.. it might be that the weight gain and the PCOS are worsening each other and that cycle is really tough to break without medication. I hope you can speak to a different GP and have an open conversation about what is helpful for you..

Even my last scan showed no cysts. But my fasting insulin levels were sky high which is why PCOS was suspected and I was treated accordingly..

@Serenschintte she said she’s referred me to the gynaecologists at the hospital again so I need to chase that up as last time she said it would be a long wait so I didn’t really question why I hadn’t heard from them until the problems reared up worse again.
I did have a scan last time and all they found was lining of my uterus was thickened but it was never explained, definitely no cycts or fibroids though.
My period woes started when I was still very slim so I find it hard to believe that my weight is the sole cause, making it worse definitely but I dont think losing weight is going to be the instant fix this gp is implying.