Would you report,confront or leave if you know someone is stealing from their workplace?

[thecatmother]

I have found out that my close friend 's ex partner was regularly stealing from their workplace. He is a manager in a private care facility for adults with complex neurological disabilities.
She told me that whilst they were together they never paid their food bills, he would go to the supermarket or wholesale and shop there, incorporating their shopping into it (they have 3 children, just for the information). Same with diesel, he would drive the van from the facility and she would follow in their car and fill both up and pay from the work money. He would take cash from work and replace it with receipts from somewhere etc. I'm sure there's much more to it... obviously she is not innocent thats why she has only now mentioned it to me ,and they haven't been together for long time. They have a relationship where he controls her still and anything to do with their children, she was SAHM and is working part time now, so she does need his support. She is also worried that she will be hold accountable and could potentially loose her children.
I am her friend, so I know him very well, he is a very good manipulator, most of his work stories are about how proud of himself he is, what an amazing job he does, how he "fights" at the meetings for more funding... I am so angry! My brother in law has aggressive MS , he is only 37 ! My sister has lost her husband to an illness, she relies heavily on his respite facility and it is very expensive for them. And to find out that this man has been treating his duty as a care provider to the vulnerable and their families as means to enrich himself makes me feel sick.
Of course I promised my friend not to say anything, and I wouldn't even know who to say anything to and how. And I realise that if I confront him he might do something bad to her , financially or emotionally.

I'm just ranting here instead!

I was trying to post this in Chat but the app jumped to Parenting, any idea how I can move it please?

The trouble is, he is the manager of this facility.

Governing body sounds like a good place. I feel sick about finding this out because of our family situation. And I feel torn, as I don't want to get my friend into trouble.

We've moved this to Chat for you, as requested, @thecatmother

Thank you MN admin!

What about reporting to the care commission?

why on earth did she tell you that!

I think I'd have to report it I'm afraid.

It's the worst kind of breach of trust. He may get in a lot of trouble. The employer may well report to the police and they would take this seriously.

The facility will be owned and run by a care provider - a company or not-for-profit trust. They are this man's employer and they will have procedures for things like this. You need to find out who this care provider is and report it to them.

Good luck, you are doing the right thing.

THe CQC is unlikely to act I think, because the employer's internal policies should be applied first.

That needs reporting. I know of someone locally who stole from a GP practice where he worked in an administrative role, he's in prison now. It's a huge breach of trust.

Police

Not really sure. How would you prove it? I bet this guy covers his tracks extremely well. & I can't see why on earth your friend would suddenly tell you this in such detail. If she was generally indiscreet he'd have been caught ages ago. He wasn't - So she's not habitually indiscreet. Could she be setting you up for a fall?

This will be an emotive thread, of course people want him punished. He's stealing from the vulnerable. But just be careful. You've put in a lot of back story about your own situations and you're friends with his partner too and talking about him in relation to her, also. You seem interested in him.

& This thread is pretty outing, if any of them see it. Which won't help future proceedings if the matter is taken up by police

Detach and focus on the situation practically if you're going to report. As in - Report what he's done then stop looking at him.

& Let justice take its course.

What you've described is a criminal offence. If your friend cooperates with the police then she may be able to avoid prosecution/ a custodial sentence. But if she waits until the police come to her this is much less likely.

Yep, I think I'd also contact the police. Even if they can't act, they can usually point you in the right direction of where else to report stuff.

And yes, ask to have this thread removed.

For the fuel - the petrol station may well have CCTV footage, if receipts have been kept it's quite easy to work out how much fuel was paid for vs how much the van's tank can hold - the extra has to go somewhere.

I was surprised that she told me about it, as we are friends for over a decade. She was very upset over the Christmas, as it was his turn to have the children and he wouldn't let her call them. He also didn't transfer the money that he had promised her to , I was supporting her and told her to apply for child support officially, not live in fear of choosing between paying her bills or feeding herself. That's when she mentioned that. She did have a bit to drink, she had always been told by him that she would also be held responsible, hence the silence.
My friend is not on MN (I have tried to get her on for years) , but if she is and reads this, maybe we could go on from there, because so far she hasn't had any support dealing with him.

I agree with DeeCee, I bet he is very capable of covering his tracks well. If the company has food bills of many £1000's per month, and fuel expenses of similar many £1000's, a couple of tank fulls of £80 wouldn't even get noticed.

He is unlikely to cover his tracks well enough that an audit won't pick it up, if the company/care trust is alerted. They will probably find the evidence if they investigate. It's really hard to pull this sort of thing off over a long period of time and to leave no traces that an investigator would pick up on, I think.
I would go to the care provider as stated above.

UPD: I told my partner about it, and he is of opinion that I shouldn't report it yet, and definitely shouldn't confront the man. DP thinks that my friend is reaching the point where she might go the official route herself and testing the waters, so to speak ,with me. As in to see, if I would still remain her friend if this truth comes out (I definitely will, as I'm not naive, and I imagine that she went through quite a bit in that relationship, that we yet to learn about).

Problem with hearsay is that you don’t know if he has embellished things to her or that she is not taking maliciously about him to garner sympathy.

I would write down what she has told you in a factual non emotive manner, no need to bring in that you have relatives suffer and appear in a moral outrage.

Your judgement of him is unnecessary in your report.

Yes, he sounds bloody awful if it’s true but you done want someone dismissing your report as being malicious or acting from jealousy.

I would submit the report to the governing body/trust.

It does need to be reported because if true it is a nasty crime.

I agree, I am emotional about this because of my family. Thats why I need more time to mull it over, I don't want to overthink it. I will, however ask my friend more about it, and will see how she reacts to me. Ultimately, I don't want to get used in their battle of wills.

Don't confront, because there is no possible good outcome..
I would just report. Your friend is not going to report it - at least, the fact that she has been complicit and her worries about the children make her extremely unlikely to.