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Original poster

Council house advice MIL can’t afford rent.

250 replies

velvetcandy · 27/12/2020 19:17

Does anyone know anything about the old style council house system?
My MIL is in a three bedroom house with the old style agreement back in the 80s she says it’s a house for life unlike the contract you would get today? She’s also on her own, her partner died last year. She’s complaining she can’t afford the £700 rent a month but doesn’t want to downsize does anyone know if they reduce rent? Just to clarify I think she should move to a flat but it’s not my business, what is my business is her asking us for money so I need to get the right information on this, cheers x

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 28/12/2020 11:05

I agree that there is a lot of nastiness on this thread. Yes, the lady in question needs a reality check, but in a gentle way. This is someone who has had her world turned upside down in the worst year ever for most people, and the way several posters have commented is awful.

It's Chat, not AIBU.

Sassy31 · 28/12/2020 11:09

Another thought has she applied for widowers allowance? If her husband has recently passed.

I do think some of the comments here are appalling there are plenty of other claiming benefits with no intentions of ever working and this women is working. As other have rightly said, she may not be able to get full time hours a lot.women are in this position due to the changes in retirement age and many will find themselves on benefits as there are no jobs out there. So it’s rather unfair to tar them.
Yes a council house is a precious commodity but a lot of new build will have a higher rent then a three bed.

daisypond · 28/12/2020 11:28

Another thought has she applied for widowers allowance? If her husband has recently passed.

This doesn’t exist any more. There is a bereavement support payment - only if they were legally married or in a civil partnership, and it only lasts 18 months from date of death. There’s a one-off payment and then £100 a month for 18 months. It can’t be backdated. As the OP refers to her mum’s partner and says he died last year, I suspect she isn’t eligible.

AldiAisleofCrap · 28/12/2020 11:33

@viques yes I am aware she isn’t a pensioner , I posted before he op said her age.

Original poster
velvetcandy · 28/12/2020 11:34

Woah loads of comments 😅
I believe she is getting anything she’s entitled to but she does work. I think she was hoping she wouldn’t have to work too much longer after 60 but then they moved the pension age.
Her only option is really increase work hours if she’s hell bent on staying in her house. Thanks

OP posts:
Reedwarbler · 28/12/2020 11:34

I wouldn't say this is the most unpleasant thread I've read on here, but there are some very unpleasant posters who have both axes to grind and chips on their shoulders. I especially liked the suggestion that she should be housing the homeless in her spare rooms. Bonkers.

SimonJT · 28/12/2020 11:37

@velvetcandy

Woah loads of comments 😅 I believe she is getting anything she’s entitled to but she does work. I think she was hoping she wouldn’t have to work too much longer after 60 but then they moved the pension age. Her only option is really increase work hours if she’s hell bent on staying in her house. Thanks
Shes had almost 30 years to prepare for her retirement age, had she buried her head in the sand?
Original poster
velvetcandy · 28/12/2020 11:37

Also I do like my mil that’s why I’m trying to find the right help and she’s in perfect health

OP posts:
Original poster
velvetcandy · 28/12/2020 11:39

Yes she’s very bad with money it’s awful if she has it she will spend it like it’s going out of fashion, okay none of my business but then when you ask for our help it becomes my business! She doesn’t have a private pension and just keeps spending over the last year it’s really frustrating for us

OP posts:
huuuuunnnndderrricks · 28/12/2020 11:40

If she is 61 can't she still work?

TheQueef · 28/12/2020 11:41

Too many shit head posts on this thread.
It really does amaze me the vitriol against this woman or others in her situation.
She didn't cause the housing crisis nor is she taking advantage.
Firstly council housing isn't poor housing, it is SOCIAL housing for the society. Instead of ripping a stranger to bits for some perceived crime of cheaper accommodation rip in to successive governments who have done fuck all to avert the crisis.
They STILL don't rebuild or rebuy when a house is sold, the money from RTB is not reinvested.

Easier to slaver over an innocent victim who's had the rules changed under her feet though.

IndecentFeminist · 28/12/2020 11:54

Wow @20mum, aren't you an utter peach.

VinylDetective · 28/12/2020 12:04

Shes had almost 30 years to prepare for her retirement age, had she buried her head in the sand?

It’s not as simple as that. The 1996 changes added around a year to women’s pensionable age. Most of us sucked that up and moved on. The 2011 changes added around another five years for women born in 1959 with approximately nine years’ notice and no notification. Literally nobody got 30 years notice - it’s only 24 years since the first increase in age.

SimonJT · 28/12/2020 12:08

@velvetcandy

Yes she’s very bad with money it’s awful if she has it she will spend it like it’s going out of fashion, okay none of my business but then when you ask for our help it becomes my business! She doesn’t have a private pension and just keeps spending over the last year it’s really frustrating for us
Do you think she would be comfortable asking for financial advice?

Be it from moneysavingexpert, financial adviser etc who could help her make a sensible budget?

freeingNora · 28/12/2020 12:12

There's a lot here that she doesn't want to do but at 61 in a 3 bedroom house with a house bigger then her needs I'd say that she's being short sighted council housing was done on need and she doesn't need that especially when there are families living in hostels and bed and breakfasts because houses are as rare as hens teeth.

If I were you I'd leave her to it

BarbaraofSeville · 28/12/2020 12:14

Sensible budgets will advise her to prioritise her rent, take in s lodger, work more or live somewhere cheaper. They won't advise her to tap her relatives for extra money to spend on crap.

Do all those who say the OP is being unreasonable happy to subsidise a healthy spendthrift so she can live in a family house while working part time?

No the MIL didn't cause the housing crisis, but we all have to cut out cloth and make the best of our circumstances. Why should the OP make sacrifices to give money to someone who seems unwilling to make any herself?

VinylDetective · 28/12/2020 12:17

I don’t think OP should subsidise her rent. I do object to some of the vile bollocks that’s been spouted in this thread.

TheQueef · 28/12/2020 12:18

The question is then why did the OP have to mention council housing?
If mil is spending more than she can afford OP shouldn't give her money regardless who her ll is.
It does get people frothing about social housing scroungers though as the thread shows.

Svalberg · 28/12/2020 12:26

@VinylDetective

Shes had almost 30 years to prepare for her retirement age, had she buried her head in the sand?

It’s not as simple as that. The 1996 changes added around a year to women’s pensionable age. Most of us sucked that up and moved on. The 2011 changes added around another five years for women born in 1959 with approximately nine years’ notice and no notification. Literally nobody got 30 years notice - it’s only 24 years since the first increase in age.

That's not true. I knew in 1996 that my state pension age was increasing from 60 to 65 - we had quite a few meetings at work about it as they increased the private pension age for women in line with it.
daisypond · 28/12/2020 12:26

If it’s possible, getting a lodger is the easiest way of bringing in more income, especially as it is tax free - up to a certain amount.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/12/2020 12:32

When you came on here, I imagined a much older lady. She's a year older than me, and I just can't imagine trying to tap up my DD and her partner for rent. If she is hail and hearty, and lives to be a hundred, this is the best part of 40 yrs you'd be bailing her out for. Please nip it in the bud.

tanguero · 28/12/2020 12:38

VinylDetective Mon 28-Dec-20 12:04:52
Shes had almost 30 years to prepare for her retirement age, had she buried her head in the sand?

It’s not as simple as that. The 1996 changes added around a year to women’s pensionable age. Most of us sucked that up and moved on. The 2011 changes added around another five years for women born in 1959 with approximately nine years’ notice and no notification. Literally nobody got 30 years notice - it’s only 24 years since the first increase in age.

That's not true. The law to raise women's pension age to 65 (in stages between 2010 - 2020) was passed in 1995. The Pension Act of 2011, increased it to age 66 (for both sexes) from 2020

ElinoristhenewEnid · 28/12/2020 12:44

@Svalberg you are correct re increase in pension age. The 1996 act added between 1 month and 5 years to pensionable age for those born between April 1950 and March 1959 and then an additional 1 month to 1 year for those born between April 1959 and March 1960.

The 2011 Act added up to an additional 18 months for those born between April 1953 and March 1955 and up to an additional year for those born after April 1955.

Based on OPs MILs age she would have known in 1996 that she would have to work an additional 5 years after age 60 and in 2011 another additional year to 66. (I am a year younger than ops mil)

20mum · 28/12/2020 12:58

If you really like her then do her the favour of tough love. You are an enabler. Shoving money at any addict is not kindness. She is, you say, a spending addict.. At 60, it's time for her to grow up and tie her own shoe laces.
Any habit gets worse, not better, by sentimental indulgers enabling it. If you could actually watch her phoning her drug dealer or placing her gabling bets, as soon as you hand over the cash, you would realise it must stop.
You don't know what she spends her money on, but seem to think it an endearing little foible that she has a life long habit of squandering, and no private pension. Take it seriously. You may be so rich you have more money than you can think what to do with now, but you cannot be sure you can cover the habits of a parasite who writes blank cheques for others to meet, for the next forty years she may live on your/our backs.

Designer handbags, drugs, alcohol, toyboys, gambling, extravagance of any kind is not within her reach now her two husbands are gone. It simply doesn't matter what she is spending it on. She must live within her means. Going into re-hab will be a shock, but one she really needs.

There is an organisation (Steps??) who do people's budgets for them. Possibly CAB will, as well. There are certainly lots of people in debt, and lots of people and organisations dedicated to explaining to them the wisdom of Mr Micawber. Some of them don't go for a realism wake-up until they have become homeless and in hopeless debt which will take the bulk of their income for decades. Is that what you want for her?

Your 'enabling' hand outs are cruelly blocking her from having the incentive to pull herself together and learn to live happily ever after.

(Would it help you to imagine yourself in the position of someone whose vet warned them their pet will die of obesity, yet they enjoy giving it 'treats', and it enjoys eating, so they persist and finally kill the animal? )

WeAllHaveWings · 28/12/2020 13:07

She is burying her head in the sand. Your dh needs to make it crystal clear you will not be financially supporting her. Is it possible he has told her, out of your earshot, not to worry it will be ok/something will be sorted out?

Would she see an IFA who could go through her finances and tell her plans are unrealistic?