Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Called Fat on Christmas Day

75 replies

Feelinglow8736 · 26/12/2020 14:13

I was hosting yesterday, getting everyones drinks and food and my 6 year old niece started telling people to call me fat.

My dd said no and I just brought the drinks in the lounge and she stormed in and shouted Aunty you are so fat! I said stop being naughty and went into the kitchen. She said get away from me, you will just eat me. You are so big you will eat this whole house. Aunty is so fat!

I went into tell my ds and she was in the middle of saying her husband was so fat and couldnt fit in his new outfit. I said what happened and she did nothing. I dont know if Im being oversensitive. Ive just had a bereavement and was feeling low anyway. Im a stone overweight and intend to go on a diet in the new year. It just made me feel very low

My dh said try not to let it ruin my day, my neice came up to him yesterday wobbled his belly and started laughing. I have a child the same age and they know that is rude. I was just taken aback by the behaviour.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2020 17:19

This! You've just said you're overweight. It's ok to feel upset and understandable but it's not really a 6yos fault. Kids say things.

She wasn't just stating a fact though. She was getting other people to call the OP fat. 6 year olds know what teasing is and they know it's unkind.

And if she was in any doubt, the OP told her to stop being naughty. After that, the 6yr old still went on to say...

Get away from me, you will just eat me. You are so big you will eat this whole house. Aunty is so fat!

Totally different.

OTannenbaum · 26/12/2020 17:22

So so rude. And terrible of your sister not to give her a talking to. I do think at age 6 they are sometimes not aware that “fat” carries nasty overtones socially in a way that other objective descriptors do not “brown hair” etc. It’s complicated to explain it to a kid. But what your niece said to you is a world away from innocently saying something like “which auntie did you want me to give the cup of tea to, you mean the fat one?” (If not sure if your name etc) Which sure stings but isn’t really intended to be offensive. Saying she is scared to go in the kitchen with you in case you eat her and that you are going to eat the whole house is rude and mean spirited. But does sound like she is picking it up from her mum.

CoffeeRunner · 26/12/2020 17:25

Well you can see where your niece has learnt her behaviour from.

I have met people from other cultures who consider telling people that they are getting fat a kindness so that they can “deal with it”. But assuming your DSis & niece are from the same culture as yourself - totally unacceptable.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weight management

IMNOTSHOUTING · 26/12/2020 17:32

I get that 6 year olds can be brats but surely if your child did that you would apologise profusely and explain to them how upsetting that is and ensure they apologise profusely too. When DS was 3 or 4 he saw a man who was very very obese and I could see he was about to make a loud pronouncement about it. We simply explained that it wasn't ever nice to comment about people's bodies especially to say something mean.

It sounds more like your sister has weird issues about weight and is passing them on to her children.

Topseyt · 26/12/2020 17:53

@PhilCornwall1

I would have told her mother to collect all the child's things and anyone else that was with her and told them all to bugger off and not come back.

Problem solved.

I'd have been tempted to do that too, and in the absence of effective parenting from sister I would have severely admonished the little shit myself.

If I had ever heard tell of any of my own children speaking like that to anyone I would have read them the riot act too.

I'm no slim Jim. I too wish that I were only a stone overweight.

time4anothername · 26/12/2020 18:10

it's a bit painful reading all this vitriol on a 6 yr old. If I read correctly that her Mum is having a go at her DH for putting on weight then there's probably a lot of tension around the 6 year old is confused and acting out, and not being helped if her Mum said nothing. Bad behaviour in DC this age if often acting out distress from home

Leannethom85 · 26/12/2020 18:14

6 year old or not.. Knows calling names is wrong, vitoril is following her aunt around her own home calling her names. Stop appeasing bad behaviour and call it for what it is.. A bratty child with no respect for anyone including her own family.

thehairyhog · 26/12/2020 18:29

There's no telling people who just brand children 'bratty' and 'naughty'. Neither of these words mean anything definitive to children, it's just modelling more name-calling to them and shaming them.

Further, making a big deal about it will likely just increase this behaviour in her. She'll see it gets a response. It's just a word. Yes, loaded for us adults, but we shouldn't pass that burden on to a 6 year old.

Surely as adults, after a moment of hurt we are regulated enough to shake off silly comments from young children. Worrying if not.

Children get over excited and over stimulated at Christmas, and children test the boundaries with language they have heard elsewhere. Again, all completely developmentally normal. Really no need for anything more than a calm quiet word and maybe calming her down a bit or taking her home.

Dyrne · 26/12/2020 18:32

@Chocolate1992 presumably you get called a Cunt then on a fairly regular basis?

After all, they’re just being honest...

I agree with PP that there is a world away from calling someone Fat and going around shrieking that “fat auntie is going to eat me”.

Child was probably hyper and acting up because of all the excitement and lack of routine - it’s normal, but it’s then down to the parent to admonish their child, explain that they’re not being kind, and prompt to apologise.

Crimblecrumble1990 · 26/12/2020 18:35

I think this is clearly your sisters fault, not necessarily your niece. She is clearly modelling your sisters language. I would have let her know my feelings were hurt but I wouldn't dwell on something a 6 year old says.

Original poster

Feelinglow8736 · 26/12/2020 19:00

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate it. Im not huge but bigger than my dsis. She has a lot of weight issues and extremely conscious to keep her and her childrens weight down.

I was just feeling let down by the way my dn spoke to me and trying to encourage my children to call me fat.

I did walk in to explain to my dsis what happened and she was in the middle of calling her husband fat . I did tell them but they said nothing

I shouldn't take it to heart but was feeling particularly low cos of a bereavement and that certainly didn't help.

OP posts:

MrsDiplo · 26/12/2020 19:10

@pinkdragons I remember being 5 or 6 and calling my D.grandmother fat. And telling her I wouldn't hug her because she was so fat.

Oh thats so sad. What did your grandma do? did you ever speak to her about it as an adult.

time4anothername · 26/12/2020 19:10

@Feelinglow8736

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate it. Im not huge but bigger than my dsis. She has a lot of weight issues and extremely conscious to keep her and her childrens weight down.

I was just feeling let down by the way my dn spoke to me and trying to encourage my children to call me fat.

I did walk in to explain to my dsis what happened and she was in the middle of calling her husband fat . I did tell them but they said nothing

I shouldn't take it to heart but was feeling particularly low cos of a bereavement and that certainly didn't help.

This is even worse to read for your DN. Your Dsis is creating a very unhealthy atmosphere around food it sounds like and there's conflict in her relationship. I'd take this acting out from your DN as an expression of her own emotional distress and difficulties. I hope someone can get her some help to survive growing up around this.

MrsDiplo · 26/12/2020 19:11

@Feelinglow8736 I would ring your DS and let her know you found it unacceptable and are very disappointed in DN (and by default her parenting). You invited them into your house and were insulting. That was your DS is aware of the situation and it being a problem and can take steps to change things. Then next time it happens or you hear DN being mean you can address it there and then.

Crunchymum · 26/12/2020 19:34

Unless you are 4ft, a stone wouldn't be massively noticeable to a 6yo?

Could it be your own issues making you read more into this?

Being repeatedly called fat, when you 100% are not, shouldn't upset you this much?

Crunchymum · 26/12/2020 19:37

Sorry just read your update about your sisters weight / food issues and your bereavement.

I actually feel sorry for your DN. She shouldn't be exposed to someone else's insecurities at such a young age.

quarentini · 26/12/2020 22:06

Your DN is a brat with shit parents by the sound of things.

thehairyhog · 26/12/2020 22:10

[quote MrsDiplo]**@pinkdragons* I remember being 5 or 6 and calling my D.grandmother fat. And telling her I wouldn't hug her because she was so fat.*

Oh thats so sad. What did your grandma do? did you ever speak to her about it as an adult.

Also "Kids say things." and "fat doesn't always have to be taken as an insult". Agreed. However trying to get other people to join in and also saying she would eat the child and eat the house are not observations. They are insults. By a "mean girl" bitch in training. Imagine what fun she is going to be in school aged 15 if she thinks this is acceptable.[/quote]
Wow calling a 6yo a 'mean girl' & a 'bitch in training'. It's very sad how these completely adult and largely Hollywood movie constructs, are applied to children.

Noti23 · 26/12/2020 22:16

Brat. You can’t excuse this behaviour. I know plenty of 6 year olds and they would blush at the idea I’d I shy and adult like this. She’s probably bullying other children in school.

lazylump72 · 26/12/2020 22:29

OP as a proper overweight person can I tell you a story ..when my dd was 7 I collected her from school and one of her friends who was walking beside us with her mum, also a friend of mine ,the little girl said to my dd your mum is so fat! I nearly died on the spot it was awful and very loud.My dd stopped and said thats a horrible thing to say my mum is beautiful and i love her dont be mean and say sorry!!! My heart swelled and I just wanted you to know that your experience was hurtful and rude but it seems like not all kids know better...your sister and her dh are at fault really.

k1233 · 26/12/2020 22:30

Tell her appearances can be changed but ugly on the inside is forever. Does she want to be ugly? If not, then she needs to practice being kind and accepting people as they are.

pinkdragons · 26/12/2020 23:42

Oh thats so sad. What did your grandma do? did you ever speak to her about it as an adult.

Nothing much, I think she rolled her eyes and got on with whatever she was doing. My mum chatted to me (then or soon after) about how boring it would be if we all looked the same, and how everyone being different makes life more fun. That was all I remember about the conversation but there was probably more.

No I never mentioned it as an adult, I hope she took it for what it was, a silly over tired and over excited child playing up and not understanding it being potentially really hurtful. I adored my DG and still do, as she knows, she's in her 90s and I dote on her.

AccidentallyOnSanta · 27/12/2020 00:56

@Feelinglow8736

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate it. Im not huge but bigger than my dsis. She has a lot of weight issues and extremely conscious to keep her and her childrens weight down.

I was just feeling let down by the way my dn spoke to me and trying to encourage my children to call me fat.

I did walk in to explain to my dsis what happened and she was in the middle of calling her husband fat . I did tell them but they said nothing

I shouldn't take it to heart but was feeling particularly low cos of a bereavement and that certainly didn't help.

I'd wonder how normal comments like that are in their house and how often DN has heard exaggerated comments about fat people and possibly encouraged to say them out loud, like to her father. I'd also wonder what your sister is telling her in order to keep her eating/weight "in check".

Remember this is a 6 yo, with no tact or filter that by the sounds of it is copying your sister.

InTheDrunkTank · 27/12/2020 11:30

While DN behaved very very badly it's so nasty all these people calling her a brat. She's a six year old for god's sake who's being brought up in an unhealthy environment and naturally taking these attitudes on herself. I feel sorry for her as she's almost certainly going to have issues with food as she grows up. All kids will behave terrily if their parents model that behaviour for them, absolutely not the fault of the child.

ragged · 27/12/2020 12:46

This thread is a classic for projection.

Shame on those of you villifying a young child.

Flip

1 2 3