I've developed a huge fear and it's consuming me

[TurningOfTheWheel]

Please can someone just read this and maybe give me some realistic words. This has been making me ill for about 6-8 weeks and I don't know if I'm going mad or if I really do have something to worry about. I have anxiety anyway but I think being at home most of the time and working from home has compounded this.

I've developed an obsession with thinking about all the 'terms and conditions' and things I've agreed to in the past, whether it was personal things (social media, online shopping etc) or on behalf of work (I sometimes have to order things and buy things on behalf of work). I worry programmes and things I've used that I thought were free, weren't really free.

In the past I've rarely read the Ts & Cs, but now I'm thinking.... what if I have agreed to something in the past and I didn't know it
? What if a huge bill is going to come to me or work because I didn't read the small print?

It's driving me mad and I'm looking back at things I did 6 months, a year, 2 years ago and madly googling because I'm so scared a huge invoice is going to come. I'm thinking, I'll have to declare myself bankrupt if that happens.

I've even started calling companies I haven't dealt with in over a year and asking them to delete all my information, but I'm scared I've missed something.

Can bills come for things after a long period of time? A year after, or more?

I feel the worst I've ever felt mentally, and sometimes I feel this life is not worth living if I live with this intense anxiety in my head.

You're OK. Unless you have a shiny new car or kitchen that you haven't paid for, and i suspect you may have remembered those!!

I get it though. I also have anxiety and it affects everything i do really.

Look at the evidence - if you owed people money, they'd be hounding you. You'd know - trust me!!

You can check your bank accounts to make sure youre not paying for stuff you don't remember and those payments can be stopped. I bet loads of folk have subscriptions they are paying for for things they no longer use - so thats a positive.

It sounds like it has all come to a bit of a head , maybe talk to your gp??

You do need to speak to your GP. You need much more help with your anxiety.

Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I agree with LEM that your GP may be a good port of call here. This sounds like a manifestation of another, less articulated and more fundamental anxiety which is occupying you. It sounds exhausting and very similar to health anxiety, for example, where you get stuck in a loop of seeking reassurance which then feeds the notion that it's a legitimate fear until no reassurance is enough.

Do you spend time with others just having a fun time? Otherwise, I know this will sound really trite and I always dismissed this advice before, but if you're able to exercise, that could be an idea. Going on long bike rides with friends has worked wonders for my anxiety - gives you a different focus for a big chunk of the day which resets your thoughts and makes it harder to go down the anxiety rabbit hole again. Plus being away from screens is a big plus.

Firstly, you have nothing to worry about. I am 100% sure of that.

Secondly, your anxiety sounds really bad. Please speak your gp. Most areas have free NHS talking therapies you can self refer to.

Sounds a lot like ocd - there’s a kind called pure o where it’s about thinking and worrying in this way. Hope you can talk to your doctor.

I’m so sorry you’re having a horrible time with this. It sounds really tough.

Not to internet diagnose...but it could well be a manifestation of OCD. Maybe have a read about it online and see if it resonates? If so, in addition to seeing your GP, buy the book ‘Break Free From OCD’ (preferably until you get therapy - rather than instead of it).

Things are going to get better. Honestly. You just need to put in a bit of effort and get a little bit of help.

Op. Probably most people have never read full t&C's. Please do try not to worry. If there is something important that you need to be aware of, it is normally highlighted and you are made aware of it. Otherwise the queue at the courts would go around the world 😁. You are stressing unnecessarily.

OP I can totally empathise. This keeps me awake too. I thought my various anxieties were COMPLETELY normal and rational. It was only when I mentioned one of two of them to other people (luckily one of them was my GP) as part of totally different conversations that they told me they weren't normal!
I did once hear on the Jeremy Vine BBC2 show that for anyone to actually read all the terms and conditions they agree to would be several years worth of reading!! 😂
My advice for what it's worth is to deal with any repercussions WHEN or more likely IF they happen and not before.

OP, if it helps, please remember that in the UK contracts have to be lawful. For example, if you signed up to Netflix they can't just say in the T&Cs that you have to give them one of your kidneys in order to cancel your subscription! Just because you've signed something, it doesn't mean someone is able to automatically screw you over.

As a consumer if you haven't used a credit card it is unlikely you will have agreed to purchase something and thus entered onto a contract.

(If we ignore car loans etc)

You recognise that this is not a normal thought process and that you are struggling with how to overcome these intrusive thoughts.

I recommend this book to help calm you and to overcome your torment -

www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Agree that this sounds a lot like OCD behaviour. Have you had problems in the past with legal or financial issues that might have caused the focus on this particular fear?

OCD is a cycle. You have a mild irrational fear. You take irrational action (e.g. phoning the company) to try to get rid of the fear. You get temporary relief, but the action reinforces the circuits in your head that say this is something you should worry about. So then the irrational fear comes back stronger.

Here is how I beat mine. It's basically CBT techniques for OCD - you can find more info in books, online courses, and hopefully a referral from your GP.

1. Make a list of all the actions that you are doing, that an average person wouldn't do. E.g. someone with contamination-focussed OCD might avoid touching things, wash hands excessively, etc.

1. Rank them in a ladder of the easiest to stop, up to the hardest. E.g. the person would decide that washing their hands twice instead of three times might be relatively do-able.

1. Start from the easiest thing on the ladder, and make the change. This might make you feel very scared. The only way out is through, as it were - you need to just feel and accept the fear. "I'm afraid. It's a horrible feeling, but it will go away eventually. Giving in to it will just make things worse". Your body won't hold a state of panic forever, if you wait, you will get distracted by something else or the panic will recede.

1. When it's hard to find motivation, you need to think through the consequences of both paths.

Path A is that you ignore most terms and conditions. The most likely outcome is that nothing bad will happen. The worst case scenario is - what - some weird hidden term would somehow make you bankrupt? What's the probability of that? Do you know anyone in real life that this has happened to? You might decide that there is maybe some tiny risk with Path A, that you want to avoid. But then, you haven't looked at Path B yet.

Path B is that you obsessively read every terms and conditions. That you phone every company that you've ever had transactions with. That takes a lot of time. But because this is irrational OCD behaviour, it wouldn't be enough, your anxiety would fix on a new target. Maybe you'd feel you needed even more reassurance and start more obsessive behaviours. Path B leads to "I feel the worst I've ever felt mentally, and sometimes I feel this life is not worth living if I live with this intense anxiety in my head."

So let's go back and compare. Path A has a tiny chance of something bad happening, and a large chance of everything being fine. Path B is basically a certainty of a miserable, anxiety-filled life. So seek out treatment and get yourself back onto Path A, not Path B.

This really isn't about terms and conditions.
I also think you're experiencing intrusive thoughts. It's a form of OCD.

Thank you for all the replies. I have to admit I haven't considered OCD until now - I go between thinking maybe It's general anxiety, and then wondering is it anxiety, or do I actually have reason to be worried and concerned? It's a constant cycle.

How old are you?

@TurningOfTheWheel it is not a normal response. You must see your GP. A relative who didn’t see anyone is now really suffering. It’s so important to seek support.
It’s normal to feel anxious sometimes about some things. But your response is out of proportion.

I fully recommend hypnotherapy OP. I had anxiety/phobia and it sorted me right out. It’s now woo..it’s just relaxing you so you can retrain your thought patterns

Read up a little on intrusive thoughts and see if it resonates. Have a word with your GP. It can be managed. My DD has this and it does come and go in cycles.

Sounds a lot like a friend of mine with OCD. But the good news is it can definitely be managed, you need to call your GP when they open. The Ts & Cs obsession is a symptom not a cause x

Not woo I meant

Companys have to be upfront about fees and charges. If not you can challenge them due to consumer rights act.
So this current worry of yours is unfounded. That said I imagine once you can resolve this in your mind another one will pop up so you really do need to speak to someone about your anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

I personally have had good results with hypnotherapy and mindfulness. There are hypno and meditation videos on youtube obviously see the gp as well but you might find it is quite a wait to receive any type of help other than meds

It sounds like intrusive thought, I can thoroughly recommend reading 'the wisdom of anxiety' by Sheryl Paul. I'm still learning but it's helped me a lot.

It could also be something called Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) which is a type of chronic worry. The anxiety is always there, it just attaches itself to whatever comes up. You can refer yourself to your local IAPT program for some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to help with this if it is taking up a lot of time or energy, or if it is really upsetting you. Or you can look for CBT self help materials online - start with the GAD stuff, and then look at the OCD stuff if that doesnt answer your questions.

Literally no one, and not even the companies themselves expect people to read the T&Cs

One calculation I have seen suggests that if you did, the average internet user would spend 76 working days a year JUST Reading T&Cs.

If people were. Bankrupting themselves accidentally, it would be all over the News.

OP, if you’ve ever accidentally signed up for it, chances are it will show on your monthly statement.

Go through your bank statements for the last three months, make a notes of everything you don’t recognise. See if there’s any regular amount coming out, or an irregular amount on a regular date.

It’s good practice to do this anyway. I did this and found two £5.99 insurance payments for old devices! Cancelled them after paying out a few hundred in total over a few years!

Once you’ve done this, relax.

I don’t think your worry is unusual or invalid FYI.