WWYD - awful neighbours and young children

[WWYD2021]

Name changed. I’ll try to keep this short.

We have 2 boys -9 and 5. Both adopted. 5 year old is emotionally behind and immature due to early life experiences.

We live in a terraced house in London. DS 5 is quite loud and we are conscious of this and always trying to make him talk softer. He also gets over excited. One set of neighbours are lovely - never complain, engage with our kids. I am sure they lie but they say they never hear us. The other set is awful. They have lived in house for 18 years or so and their kids are now early 20s. Parents late 50s.

For the last 3 years - they have constantly complained about noise - eg our son on his 3rd birthday got a cleaning set and wanted to clean our patio windows. It was a school day and I let him go out in the back at 7.30am with a bucket of water and he started cleaning and laughing and giggling - and making a lovely mess. They wrote complaining. This is just one of the numerous pieces of correspondence we have had. Since lockdown in March - we have had constant “shut the fuck ups”. “Shut up you arseholes”. “Fuck you DS name. Fuck you WWYD2021” Its constant - at 9.30am, 11am. I tried to do some exercise in our living room (mostly strength exercises but 45 seconds of star jumps) - more abuse hurled.

To put into context - when their kids were young - constant screaming, shouting (in fact they struggled to cope with their son and sent him to boarding school for last 4 years). Even now - they have the most almighty rows as amongst themselves, play games into the early hours (lots of swearing in jest, drinking), they bang on our walls at 9pm when they know our boys are asleep.

We have not said anything but WWYD? I don’t want to move but I can’t go on like this and it will cost a fortune in stamp duty. I walk on egg shells...am dreading tomorrow morning when I know our boys will be up early with excitement.

It’s intolerable. Any advice?

Tbh there’s no dealing with people like this. Just carry on making as much noise as you like (they do!) and teach your children that there are some people you don’t capitulate to.

Sounds like their drinking every night and hungover every day. Sending letters , hilarious .
Ignore and make a game of calling them The Grumpies.
Suppose you are too polite to retaliate with a Go Fuck Yourself ?

Thanks - it is really affecting my mental health. I have begun logging everything (including the “shut the fuck up” when my 5 year old called out “I’m finished Daddy” after he had finished showering.

@Stillfunny - thought of retaliation but I honestly wouldn’t put it past them to actually do something really dangerous. The son used to think it was a joke throwing all his cigarette butts into our garden (couldn’t let my son just wander out unsupervised as he had a tendency to put everything in his mouth.

Our kids can be noisy but we take them out as much as possible - the 5 year old sleeps 11 hours straight, they go to school and are out 8.30am to 3.30. They are quiet when they are on screens but I want them to be able to play “superheroes” (as they were last week) until we got constant banging on walls and swearing. My 5 year old is not an arsehole and shouldn’t be told to “fuck you.”

I don’t want to move but maybe I will have to.

They sound like massive chavs OP, whereas you sound like reasonable human beings going about your daily lives. You can’t teach people like that decent manners unfortunately and I very much doubt it’ll get any better if you raise it with them.

Christ, if someone told my child to “shut the fuck up” I’d be knocking on their door within the minute.

The verbal abuse is unacceptable and I'd speak to the police about it, framing it as harassment.

Re: your child making a lovely mess at 7:30 AM. Sorry, but I'd be complaining (politely) if your kid was outside early hours and woke me up. His shrieks of happiness aren't as cute to other people.

I suspect neither of you are the sort of people that most would want as neighbours. I’d also move.

@YourWurstNightmare

The verbal abuse is unacceptable and I'd speak to the police about it, framing it as harassment.

Re: your child making a lovely mess at 7:30 AM. Sorry, but I'd be complaining (politely) if your kid was outside early hours and woke me up. His shrieks of happiness aren't as cute to other people.

This

If you own and speak to the police and council and make a complaint about them I think you have to declare it when you sell
So if your going to sell say nothing official and annoy the fuck out of them until you can sell up

Keep a diary /log everything.. Police and council..

You’d have to have really shit windows/glazing if you could hear a 3 year old laughing and giggling enough for it to wake you up. But sounds like the neighbours are twats those kind of people can’t be told op they won’t listen. I’d be out of there if could afford it. Sad been driven out of your home but if you can I would try to move.

Definitely go to the police.
You are being abused and harassed by these people.
Tell the police about the cigarette butts too.
Stop accepting this treatment.
Turn up your music when you hear them shouting.
You need the support of police.
Tell them you feel nervous and threatened by them.
So sorry

Honestly the swearing is verbal abuse. I'd report it to the police.

You can't please them they are not reasonable people so maybe try a firmer stance.

I wouldn’t do anything official as it might make your house unsaleable in the future.

Have you tried to have a civil convo with them?

Well a child outside making noise at 7.30am would annoy the hell out of me, so I suspect you’re more of a nuisance than you realise.

@Mamette

Christ, if someone told my child to “shut the fuck up” I’d be knocking on their door within the minute.

Omg yes.

Another one thinking this is harassment.

Move.

Yep - I realise letting a child outside in our backgarden on his birthday at 7.30am on a school
Day was a mistake - and so I don’t let them out until after school finishes at 3.30pm - and then we try to go to the park. It was once. My error. (I had thought them waking us up for 6 years at 6am with the revving of a motorbike would make them a bit more tolerant). No - I can see that.

I am very aware of how noisy children can be - especially 2 boys - that is why we keep them out as much as possible. But I think it is London living - the abuse is horrendous. But if I go legal - then I will have to declare.

Thanks everyone for all your thoughts. I am sure we are a pain to live next door to - and I am mindful of that. But I can’t suddenly make my kids grow up by 5 years and stop squabbling with each other and stop getting excited about things.

They sound awful but the 7.30am patio washing wasnt cool! I would have hated that as a neighbour!

I think moving is your best option. Just get away from them.

I don't think they way they are dealing with it is appropriate and I do believe that should be logged and reported.

However, 45 seconds from star jumps would actually piss me off too, particularly if I had had all the other noise to deal with - thud thud thud for 45 seconds is pretty antagonising, particularly as they have complained (in the wrong way) several times.

You need to teach your children to be quiet when at home I'm afraid, that's just the way it is for most families. Their shrieking is not enjoyable for any one else - and most neighbours would get it if it was just the odd occasion but it doesn't seem like it is from your post.

I have a neighbour's child that shrieks constantly - it is not enjoyable at all, but as with your kids their are other factors at play- they have just had a loft conversion done - and to be honest i am going to have to say something to do them because whilst I could deal with the shrieking I cannot deal with that and the thud thud thud of all of them running around the wooden floors in their loft - it vibrates through the walls.

Hi OP
I hear you!!
Horrid neighbours here too
The birthday is once a year
i think your neighbours couldnt cope with their children growing up and resent your familys happiness and loving bonds
Hope Santa is good to all in your house

Is it a Victorian terrace? They are impossible to sound proof. You could complain to environmental health, they would ask you to do a diary then put a recording machine in our ask you to use the noise app to make recordings. The thing is the neighbours attitude is anti social behaviour rather than noise from them by the sounds of things? That's where it gets complicated. Ultimately these types of issues, in these types of properties are extremely hard to resolve without one party moving.

One thing is certain normal family noise at normal family times will not be actionable.