Feeling knocked down all the time

[Downandupdownandup]

NC for this.

I just am feeling it tonight.

I escaped an abusive marriage and for 6 years I've worked on me and my boundaries etc but 6 years later endless court cases concerning custody -not getting easier although we have got a restraining order -but he is fighting it and trying to get it lifted. Still custody is being argued.

Moved 6 hours away with court permission to start and new job and have a new start back in my home town. Moved in with my parents. They are in their 70s and they offered.

They now want us to move out only been here a few weeks -we agreed 6 months as my house needed to sell and is on the market. I need to get equity out and pay off a shit load of debt. I can not make ends meet and am in serious debt. I have no savings.
Tonight parents -told me I have a few choices -as they have 'changed their mind due to Covid' and yes they have form for this. I nearly relocated 17 years ago back home and at the last minute they withdrew their deposit for a house as I was about to exchange as it wasn't 'their' choice and they weren't sure. So I moved up North as I was angry -and an abusive marriage later I'm back with two teenagers. Except I had counselling as I wanted to make sure the move was for the right reasons and took a year to get this far. Today my mother complained of chest pains during lunch and had to sit down, and told me she was having a heart attack but wouldn't let me phone an ambulance and then buggered off to B&Q with my Dad. Tonight she told me she's ready "to top herself" due to Covid and me being here with the kids as they are going to infect her. The kids are as good as gold. We don't go out to see anyone (tier 2 going to tier 3) as they will not allow us. But they bugger off out 3-4 times a day.

Choices-

1. Move in with a friend 45 minutes away we would have one bedroom, but it buggers the children and their school etc as they have both started new schools. We could do this -if push comes to shove.
2. Move back to where I have a house -but I have no job the kids have no school as they have now starting GCSEs and been enrolled in local schools by court order.
3. My parents say they will find me somewhere of their choice to rent and pay upfront for 6 months and I will pay them back out of house sale
4. Parents say we can stay here if I don't go to work and the kids don't go to school
5. Other suggestions from my parents is give the kids to my ex - which I just think is ridiculous. As I spent a fortune reducing acess as he is abusive.

Right now I just hate my life. Any time things look like they are perking up or a light at the end of tunnell -I get someone or something giving me another kicking. I can't take anymore.

My Dad has just gone to bed and said "Can't do anything until tomorrow. Have a nice sleep and we can talk again in morning". I won't fucking sleep and it's not fair.

My head is spinning. Merry christmas.

Option 3 and then when your hours sale comes through, pay them back and have contact only on your terms and when you want.

It sounds like their parenting is controlling and sadly that often produces a child that seeks a controlling partner in adulthood.

Break the chains that have shaped your life and with your new found independence in your own home take time to think about what is best for you and learn that you don’t have to appease everyone else.

House not hours ^

www.amazon.co.uk/If-You-Had-Controlling-Parents/dp/0060929324/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

How’s it today?

Fine thanks. My Dad has taken himself off to watch films alone much of the day. Youngest had gone to my ex. Eldest are fine. I had a migraine from all the stress and crying over the 3 days and worry. So that’s not great and still not sleeping. Emailed the freedom programme but having looked at a few clips it’s not like my parents hit me or anything - I just find all the undercurrents very very stressful. My mother told me just now that I was a rebellious and difficult child - I remember having extreme anxiety (they don’t know but I used to cut myself under my feet where no one can see or between my toes) etc and I didn’t have a good work ethic etc which wasn’t pleasant to hear. But I remember her with her nose in a book most of the time demanding quiet and threats of our father hitting us when he got home if we weren’t. So there was a report when he got in about who had behaved or not etc other siblings are low contact and live a long way a way and none of us really speak to each other - all very difficult.

I know my father had a difficult childhood and an abusive father but I just hate it when my parents tell me I’m ruining the children and involving them in discussions about the ex or where we are going to live etc as I shouldn’t involve them etc in my mind I’m a single parent so the dynamic is different - I don’t have a partner to make decisions with etc but according to them I’m buggering them up for life, a bit ironic considering what they have done to me.

Emotional abuse and neglect is just as damaging as physical!

You are in the FOG of your parents. Fear, obligation, guilt.

Your parents are poisonous OP. You need to get away from them for your own sanity.

And absolutely emotional and psychological abuse can be as bad as physical.

They sound so look mine. I was also a “rebellious and difficult child”. I wasn’t - I couldn’t say boo to a goose, but would very occasionally have to defend myself against their abuse.

It’s like these people have some sort of textbook! My mum also used to tell sob stories about her deprived childhood. I learnt later they weren’t really true - just an “excuse” for her awful behaviour.

There are many forms of abuse apart from physical. The Freedom Programme deals mostly with mental abuse in all its forms but also covers physical.

@TheSilveryPussycat

There are many forms of abuse apart from physical. The Freedom Programme deals mostly with mental abuse in all its forms but also covers physical.

I've emailed them. Actually standing up for myself a bit more and eldest I had a chat about it tonight. I just want to be more assertive.

How're you doing @Downandupdownandup?