What’s your “ How did this crap get published?!” book?

[MrsGrindah]

Just finished The Pretenders by Agatha Zaza. Gosh it was dreadful.Cannot understand how drivel like that gets a publishing deal. There was a scene where, in the middle of a “ dramatic” moment, one of the side characters crosses the room to his wife and “ took hold of the corner of her blouse” . What?! Who does that?! I can’t even picture it.

On the Kate that buries her face in her labrador’s fur.
Who does that? Yuck. Especially if you live in the countryside you really ought to know that your dog’s fur will be covered in the shit it has rolled in during your long, thoughful walks.
She probably weren’t paying attention and just thought the dog was ‘frolicking’ when in actual fact it took careful aim at various animal droppings and precision-rubbed itself in them.
Before they padded home 😄

Any of those bloody chick lit authors. The books are all the same! Recently broken hearted woman moves to a village in the Countryside/ by the beach, opens a book/cake/ chocolate shop. Meets local arrogant successful man with mysterious personal life / past. Falls in love. Happy ever after.

Now I confess to a bit of a soft spot for these so I am the guilty reader except why is the Local Man always arrogant and rude? Jenny Colgan is particularly guilty of this. Surely most women would think, 'What an arse. Move on.'

@SkintHippy

I have lurked on Mumsnet for a while, but just had to register so that I could comment on this thread! Totally agree with PP who made the comment about psychological thrillers featuring middle-class women called Kate. Are you me? :-) I couldn't agree more. I love a good psychological thriller but have recently given them up in disgust as they have become so formulaic and well, unthrilling. The main character is always a middle class women called Kate; she is always having a glass of red wine by the Aga, she is always being screwed over by a) her partner/husband, b) her best friend, or some variant of this. I actually once had in my pile of books during lockdown, THREE books where the main character was a middle class woman called Kate. No working class people ever appear in these piles of rubbish, unless they are a 'character' IYSWIM, ie the 'chavvy' family. UGH. I love the way Pat Barker writes ordinary working class characters, and agree with lots of you on this thread about what you fling in disgust. I'm writing a psychological thriller, no one is called Kate, no one has an Aga, no 'pads' anywhere. I'm obviously not doing it right.

Totally agree with you.

I have a personal pet hate for novels (I'm looking at you, The Family Upstairs by Lisa Jewell and The Poison Tree by Erin Kelly, for example) where people live in impossibly huge and expensive houses (usually crumbling and dilapidated and impossibly bohemian and in a part of London that would actually only be inhabited by stockbrokers and foreign investors) that they could in no way afford to rent/run/pay inheritance tax on. Just utterly unrealistic.

'The Child On Platform One'.
Absolute shite.

Badly written, ridiculous but easily predictable coincidences and frankly I found it deeply offensive that the author had used the story of the holocaust in this way.

The blurb said that the writer had finished an MA in Creative Writing and is a lecturer. I expect the positive reviews are from students the writer has taught or studied with.

I agree with Fifty Shades, I read all three...thinking it will get better seeing as so many people love it....urm nope!

They are now gathering dust on my bookshelf & will prob find their way to charity shop eventually.

There's some noted on here that I really love. Others...not so much

Donna Tartt - I have tried the Goldfinch and The Secret History. I can't tell you what either are about, they are so dull. Nothing happens.

Kazuo Ishiguro - I feel like I should love his books, but again, they are so dull. Even Never Let Me Go which from the blurb is right up my street just bored me.

I really disliked The Snow Child. It was raved about when it came out, I bought it and just couldn't get through it.

I'm probably more the type to read a crap but exciting book (see: lots of American crime thrillers!) than a turgid bestseller.

I got so fed up of the chick lit books I wrote a disparaging poem. Very cathartic. It got published in a local anthology thing. My fifteen seconds minutes of fame.

www.amazon.co.uk/Note-book-everyones-talking-about-ebook/dp/B07175T6GY/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&s=digital-text&keywords=the+note&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1608578476&sr=1-1

This - The Note. I bought it in WHSmith as I was about to travel. I have never been so disappointed by any book. Written by a primary school pupil? Actually, no, primary school pupils could do far better. Appalling and 8 per cent of readers on Amazon gave it one star.

The Truants, by Kate Weinberg.

I honestly couldn't believe how something so awful had been published or had so many good reviews on Amazon.

@AmadeustheAlpaca

Totally agree with SkintHippy. Really dislike books with main characters who have a designery/ vintage clothing business and live in stylish fashionable homes with no discernible regular income. Which leads me to The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox by Maggie O'Farrell - unpleasant characters and a ridiculous ending. Maggie has lots of fans but I'm not one of them. Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke. Some good ideas, but unreadable, especially due to the fake Jane Austen style. The Binding - Bridget Collins. Unlikeable characters apart from the sister who was treated badly due to the lurve affair of the two other main characters. Over dramatic descriptions and just well, OTT. Again some original ideas, but the denouement was obvious early on in the book.

I agree with you on both Johnathan Strange and Mr Norrell and The Binding. I was looking forward to both of those. Johnathan Strange I just couldn't get into the style, and The Binding was so disappointing! It has such promise, and turned into a predictable love story. Dull, with unlikable main characters.

@dayswithaY

The Tatooist of Auschwitz is actually quite a dangerous book. Because the protagonist is this ducking and diving type we are lead to believe that the prisoners could just buy their way out of anything. Need medicine for your girlfriend who is dying of typhoid? No problem, just bung the guards some jewels. Need some chocolate? Just bribe a passing workman who is apparently invisible to the guards. Need to escape? Just walk out through a gap in the fence. I really don't think anyone's experience matched this, what happened to fact checking or can we all just make stuff up now?

Agree , and she'd never visited before she wrote it.

@SimplyRadishing

"Jodi picoult - perfect match.
In fact anything by her. If someone gives you a copy just treat yourself and put it in the bin."

100% agree and set the bin on fire!!!!

Totally agree with the tattooist of auschwitz - it made me furious. Agree with the poster who said it was almost dangerous the way it completely neglected the true horror of the camps, even somehow sanitised it. I couldn’t finish it, had to go and read If This Is a Man by Primo Levi again to remind myself of the actuality.

A kestrel for a Knave. Miserable poorly written drivel with no literary merit. In fact I go so far to say that the north south divide should be widened to about 30 miles and filled with water!

Another one for 50 shades. I couldn't get past chapter 3. It was in serious need of a good editor.

I bet the author doesn't care how bad it was though, she made her fortune from it!

@Llyn

The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton. Anachronistic, two-dimensional, tedious drivel.

Exactly this! And several glaring mistakes that got my goat. It was so lauded! And I could never get past the first few pages of 50 shades. So badly written.

Giovanna Fletcher "Billy and me"

Sounded like it had been written by a lovesick 14 year old...

@GuiEtVin

One called Nemesis by Shaun Hutson I think. There was a bit where he was describing the body of a naked 17 or 18 year old girl in a sex scene and it said "her cleft wept moisture."

And where the woman is carrying a baby with a genetic cannibalistic intent and she is being raped by the villain, the baby REACHES INTO HER VAGINA and tears the man's dick off before retreating back inside with its snack.

I've never forgotten it, it's awful in so many ways. There's a paedophile, a murderer, a monster, some cannibals......

Also Donna Tartt. I sort of liked The Secret History, but A Little Friend is dire.... it takes a very long time to tell you nothing more than you knew at the beginning.

Couldn’t get into Johnathan Strange, too waffle!

Mind you I can’t stand Tess of the Dubervilles either, and Henry James paragraphs go on for so long I’ve lost the gist before I’m halfway through.

Pp, if you don’t like Shaun Hutson steer WELL clear of Richard Laymon. Awful. Makes you want to bathe your mind in bleach.

I've fund my people

Agree with so many mentioned.
I read loads but I've started avoiding anything with a booker prize sticker on after reading 'The Milkman'. Miserable unreadable drivel, just published because some twat in a publishing house wanted to virtue signal and give himself literary academic points.

Also any 'feminist retelling'' of an ancient greek myth or similar. I love feminism but write your own fucking stories, lazy lazy lazy!

I couldn't get past the first page of 50 shades.

Also agree with Ducks, Newburyport. Utter drivel. Another Booker wet fart!
You can almost hear the excited thigh rubbing of the toff in the publisher, thinking about good the 'concept' is. Ignoring that it's shit, boring and that the whole point of reading for pleasure is to be entertained.

I loved Harry Potter, Normal People and anything written by Elena Ferrante though!

I read a book called At Hawthorn Time recently and I wish I hadn't bothered. Nothing happens, the characters are all awful and there's no real resolution at the end. I enjoy most books for the escapism but that was just a dirge of a book!

The Milkman is a brilliant, brilliant book. Yes it's very recondite and literary, and certainly extremely intellectually challenging, but just because it's not to everyone's tastes doesn't mean it was only published because the publisher was "virtue signalling". What does "virtue signalling" even mean in this context? The book isn't written by someone who is a minority and doesn't explore social justice themes (except for male abuse of women), so it's hard to see how "virtue signalling" applies.

Or do you think it's "virtue signalling" just because the author is a woman?

@FlippingNightmare I'm so glad that you hated The Milkman. I've had it on my bedside table since last Christmas and have been feeling guilty that I never managed to finish it.

But I disagree with you about the retellings of Greek myths and legends. I loved Circe, The Song of Achilles, The Silence of the Girls, and The Penelopiad. I thought that they were all well written and enjoyable in their own right but also liked the new perspectives that they gave me on stories that I'd grown up with. These stories were originally told and retold; stories that come from an aural tradition will always have different versions. Later, Greek playwrights (like Euripides with The Trojan Women) put their own spin on already ancient stories; modern female writers are just doing the same thing.