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Original poster

Has anyone got/had a prenup?

31 replies

Christmasbeach · 15/12/2020 14:21

I’ve got a feeling that DP is going to propose over Xmas/NY.

I do love him but my parents had a very messy divorce which ended with them using me as a pawn (looking back mum was desperate as dad was going to wipe the floor of her).

Unfortunately Ive lost both of my parent leaving me with 1.5 houses. As far as a twenty something from the outside I look like I’ve got it made.

I don’t want to seem like I’m presuming the marriage is going to fail but I’d hate the idea of someone being able to take or for me to get into debt for me to be able to still have the house my mum worked her arse off for.

I know that U.K. prenups aren’t watertight but is there anyway I can protect the properties without just staying engaged?

OP posts:

Amira19 · 15/12/2020 14:22

Whats the point in getting married? Seriously just stay as you are if you're prepared to keep financial side separate. What happens if you have dc together?

Eifhsg · 15/12/2020 14:23

You need to speak to a solicitor, not Mumsnet.

It is unusual for a prenuptial agreement not to be upheld by the courts in England and Wales now. Despite the myths that abound.

Bells3032 · 15/12/2020 14:26

If the money is going into a joint property you can have a tenancy in common agreement with a it belonging to both of you in different amounts. But see a lawyer and discuss. it's a good thing to protect yourself....hope for the best but prepare for the worth

Seeingadistance · 15/12/2020 14:30

If he does propose, you can always decline - gently and explaining why.

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/12/2020 14:40

You have property. Do not marry this man unless you are happy to give him a chunk if you divorce. That’s the reality. Defo see a lawyer to check what can and cannot be protected if you do decide to get married - and if a large chunk of the funds can’t be protected think very seriously about why on earth you would want to risk it...

ChristmasUserName2020 · 15/12/2020 18:37

Are you just worried that things are going to end badly? Because if that’s the case then you need to address that first before worrying about money. If he’s not the right one then you’ll never marry anyway so money won’t factor into it. I think you need to think about whether love or money matter more. If you can ring-fence the money then great. But if you can’t, do you want him enough to risk losing some? It’s fine to choose money over love by the way as you may find someone you prefer.

nosswith · 15/12/2020 20:28

You have doubts. Don't marry him.

sonicbook · 15/12/2020 20:34

It's very easy to do. I completely understand why you would want to protect yourself. He will understand too. People on MN tend to just want to disagree with the OP. It's perfectly sensible to be in love with someone but to understand that life isn't perfect. The divorce stats demonstrate that clearly.

RuthW · 15/12/2020 20:39

Protect yourself. See a solicitor before you commit.

MsSquiz · 15/12/2020 20:50

DH and I have a pre nup to protect his (substantial) assets and I was happy to have one.
We included a section that covers child maintenance & school fees for the future as I grew up with a single mum and a dad who didn't pay a penny towards my upbringing.
It also keeps certain assets separate - he would have no claim on my inheritance from my DM and I have no claim on his family money, but our house would be split 50/50 and I would receive a certain percentage of other monies (which increases with the number of years we have been married)

waitrosetrollydolly · 15/12/2020 20:50

Too late now as he more than likely knows, but anyone else reading this, always make out you live in a rental property, never tell people you have money /assets / property . That way if they love you it's actually you they love , not your bank balance.

Dowser · 15/12/2020 21:41

Put it this way
I was really pleased I got divorced before I inherited two properties.

However I did remarry..and no there’s no prenup 🤞

Guineapigbridge · 15/12/2020 22:02

Yes, I do, and yes it's a sensible thing to do. Happily married for over a decade now but at the time both of us wanted to protect ourselves.

It,
makes a record of the value of the assets we both bought in, which we agree will be the value that we both take out if we divorce or separate
allows me the first right of refusal to buy him out of his share of the family home
allows me the right to stay in our family home (he moves, not me)
details what will happen with future inheritances from our parents
details what will happen with beneficial interests from family trusts
details what will happen with my shares in our family business

It gives me comfort knowing its there. The valuations are clear, unequivocal. It'll avoid conflict if we ever do divorce.

Guineapigbridge · 15/12/2020 22:03

Sorry, one more thing,
we both agreed that any increase in net wealth from our business or our private investments that was earned during our marriage would be shared equally.

Guineapigbridge · 15/12/2020 22:04

I prefer full disclosure of financial interests and a rational discussion, actually.

ginandvomit · 15/12/2020 22:07

No experience with a prenup but I think you're being very savvy wanting to protect your future. It doesn't matter how happy you are now, statistics don't lie and a huge proportion of marriages end in divorce. The reality is people change and circumstances change. I think you need to find a good family lawyer and seek advice.

BeesAnkles · 15/12/2020 23:35

I do, as do most of my friends. We live in a European country where it's not considered as strange as in the UK.

Having a pre-nup doesn't mean you doubt your DH's intentions or feel that the marriage will fail. But considering about half(?) of all marriages break down and not often amicably, it is sensible to protect yourself and everything your parents worked for.

You can still share finances and make joint financial decisions while married. It just means that, in the event of it not working out, you both get to keep what you started with and not be liable for the other one's debts.

Those who think you shouldn't get married; for me, at least, marriage is about so much more than sharing previously owned assets. It's about forming a family unit, being able to make medical decisions, inheriting in the event of death, the act of making a commitment, etc.

A pre-nup is only enforced in the case of divorce, it doesn't change the marriage. Especially for couples marrying later in life, it makes total sense.

TheRubyRedshoes · 16/12/2020 00:08

Pre nups are not a fail safe, each individual circumstances come into play nothing is guaranteed unless you don't legally make it so by marriage.

There are some measures to take but I wouldn't be marrying someone I was worried about this for...

8obbingabout · 16/12/2020 00:31

You have doubts. He is not the one for you.

itsureis · 16/12/2020 00:42

I don't read that the OP is having doubts about her man. She may love him with all her heart but in years to come HE can be the one that walks away, taking half of her family's inheritance.

If he doesn't agree to a prenup then you may need to think why not but personally I think it's very wise decision.

Titsinknicks · 16/12/2020 00:55

Marriage is a contract. One of bringing together assets and lives.

What does getting married mean to you?

FabulousIAm · 16/12/2020 01:11

Just because you get married your assets don't become your partners. My friend married his girlfriend of 15 years and the home is still his wife's and will never be his but will be her children's when she dies. His name isn't on the deeds and he just pays rent to contribute to the bills etc. I didn't believe this was possible but apparently it is.

Hawkins001 · 16/12/2020 01:58

Stay single to protect your assets as the prenuptial agreement can be ingored and besides all may be well when your partner is agreeing to it, but then if the relationship goes south and it's defcon 5 then it's lawyer Vs lawyer.

Figgyboa · 16/12/2020 04:39

I received a large inheritance. Aside from a pre-nup, I set up a trust and put all my assets in there. The trust is 100% protected from marriage and any other people that may think they have a claim (the inheritance payout was messy)

Twizbe · 16/12/2020 06:54

My husband inherited a lot of property before we married. We discussed a prenup (but didn't get it as, at the time they weren't often worth more than the paper they were written on) to me they are like a seat belt. You don't get into a car planning to crash it, but you never know what is round the corner.

We agreed as part of our discussion that the property he inherited fell into 2 groups. The house we live in and the rest. The house is a joint asset as it's our family home. I'd be entitled to half if we split. The rest is entirely his and I have no claim to it. However, if we divorce he should change ownership of it to our 2 children. Protecting their inheritance basically.

Speak to a solicitor about what you can do.

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