Wedding Dress Shopping Etiquette

[Fressia123]

Yesterday I went to a bridal shop for the first time. But I'm for once confused as to what was supposed to happen. Do you make a decision on the spot? Do you think about it? Do you shop around? They also wanted to see me again ASAP (don't quite understand the rush). Last but not least was I supposed to be wearing spanx?

You should wear whatever underwear you think you will be most comfortable in on the day, bearing in mind you will be wearing it for a very long day potentially. In terms of decisions, you are likely to be spending a lot of money, you should feel comfortable visiting as many places as it takes to find the right dress for you. Don't feel pressure to choose anything unless you're sure its what you want. Any shop that puts that kind of pressure on you is probably not one you want to spend money with.

Visit loads and try on loads. You’ll need to to find “the one”. Don’t be pressured into making a quick decision.

Do whatever feels right for you.

I turned up on my own, which was apparently unusual, and picked the first dress I tried on. The end - thank God because I found the whole thing weird.

Underwear - wear something comfortable! I dumped half my carefully chosen underwear halfway through the day because I felt like it was strangling me. No to Spanx.

Yes I went on my own too (with 14mo). Found toe that I really liked and one definitely felt like "the one" but neither are what I would call my style. There's only one he's ther local shop, so to get more options I'd have to travel 60-70mi each way.

I wouldn't say it was stressful but did make me wonder if I was rushing u to buying either of the ones I liked.

Wear spanx if you would wear them on the day or intend to look how you look in spanx by the day.

When you have found one you love i would go out again and see if there are others that are as nice/better then back to original shop to confirm you want the one you originally picked.

Try as many as possible, ask for their ideas as I wanted a particular style. The woman said I’ll let you try one in but you have the figure for half gown, A line. She was right, the style I wanted looked awful as I have big hips. Take down the babes of the ones you like do you have a shortlist. Ask if they can take photos of you so you can look at them again later. I bought the sample as it was £700 and as it was between that and another gown the sample won.

I thought the consultant would be able to tell me what style suited me best (but she didn't) she was the type "they all look lovely!"

I turned up on my own, which was apparently unusual, and picked the first dress I tried on. The end - thank God because I found the whole thing weird.

I'm convinced it isn't actually that unusual. Wedding dress shops really are something else. The whole cliche about a bride-to-be turning up with her mum, sister and bridesmaids, where they all get teary-eyed about how beautiful you look, I'm convinced it doesn't happen anywhere near as much as people claim. I'm not convinced that many of them serve you a glass of champagne either, which again is a cliche when people talk about it. It's very, very dodgy to ply someone with alcohol when they're about to spend £1,000.

@Fressia123

I thought the consultant would be able to tell me what style suited me best (but she didn't) she was the type "they all look lovely!"

Count yourself lucky they didn't do the opposite. There is so much body shaming going on in wedding dress shops, I couldn't believe the way I was spoken to.

As for the Spanx comment, the only thing you're "supposed" to wear is whatever makes you feel comfortable. Wedding dress shop staff really do come out with some right BS.

Some high-end wedding shops won't serve you if you turn up in jeans. Not sure what you're supposed to wear, a pretty frock maybe.

Heels of the appropriate height would be useful I think too.

They did have a mini fridge with bubbly! And I showed up in jeans

Depends on the shop. One I went to was very small and boutique-y and she only let me try on 2 dresses. After that she said she wanted me to "really think" about what I was looking for (um, a wedding dress and you're not letting me try them on!). Another was almost the complete opposite - basically showed me to a changing room, offered my friend and I a glass of bubbly then basically left us to it! I tried on loads and nearly went for one of the dresses there that was on sale. I finally bought from a lovely bridal shop that stocked tons of dresses. I could try on as many as I wanted and went back for a second time before buying to re-try my three favourites. There was no pressure and the woman helping me was really good - honest but nice. So definitely try a few places.

Underwear - wear something neutral until you've decided on a dress, then wear the underwear you'll be wearing on the day for fittings (to make sure you can't see straps etc).

Might sound obvious, but you will likely be asked in advance to avoid fake tan/make up to protect the dresses, I would also bring a nice pair of shoes similar height to the one you would invisage yourself wearing to get an idea of the “look”. I would try on a few in different shops before making my decision.
Ask if you can take photos of you in the dresses also to compare after the fact.
Bridal store prices can vary wildly depending on brands - so confirm the price ranges they stock when booking an appointment - you don’t want to find yourself in a store with all dresses more expensive than you planned and falling in love with one or having to leave earlier than planned

Im a bridal seamstress, I’m not a sales person so I’m fairly unbiased.

No Spanx, most just push the fat to an even worse place so dresses usually look better without it. Many dresses should be worn without a bra, and if you find the dress doesn’t have the support to make you look fab without Spanx or bra then you are probably choosing the wrong dress.

Timelines are tight right now if you’re getting married this summer. Many designers have a 4-6 month lead time as they don’t have a stock of dresses, they’re made in batches or to order. Smaller designers may have even longer lead times. Months may be counted by a certain date so eg the 15th of the month so if you order on the 16th you’ve missed the cut off and you have an extra month to wait. Some designers have stock so can deliver quicker but then you’re at the mercy of what is available, for instance recently a bride had a choice between the right size but with a corset back (she wanted buttons) or a button back but three sizes too big.

Then you have fitting time, so if your dress is going to take 5 months to arrive you also need 2-3months for fittings. I start fittings 8-10 weeks before the wedding, if you’re unlucky and the good seamstresses are booked up for your wedding date you might need to book for even earlier. Quick turnarounds are sometimes available but will be charged extra!

So they might have been rushing you, or they might actually just be worried you won’t get the dress you love in time for your wedding if you put off buying it soon!

Next time do take someone with you, especially if you will be taking your child. It’s much more relaxed for you if you’re not worrying about your child while trying to choose dresses, and you need the input of someone who can see how the dresses look on you. But ideally not someone who will take over or who has very set ideas about what you need as they can be a pita when they won’t let you consider dresses that look brilliant on you but aren’t to their specific taste!

@Fressia123

I thought the consultant would be able to tell me what style suited me best (but she didn't) she was the type "they all look lovely!"

I found this at the shop I went to - the woman just made weird "positive" noises all the way through and was basically no help!

I used to design and make wedding dresses for a living.
Try on as many as you can, all sorts of different styles at first, even ones you think are not your usual 'thing'. This will help you weed out the definite non-starters and give you a shortlist of shapes and shades that you prefer. This makes shopping easier.
Wear the kind of underwear you're comfortable to wear all day under your chosen style. It will be a very long day, so comfort is essential.
Take along shoes of a similar heel height to the ones you intend to wear on the day. Shoes make a huge difference to how you stand and walk, especially in a long gown.
Don't be pressured. A wedding gown is an expensive purchase and a big decision. Choose only what is right for you.

Or, OP, you could just give up on all this nonsense and buy a normal dress from a department store . I could not believe the levels of bull involved in this wedding dress shop malarkey.

Surely you can’t decide on underwear until you’ve chosen the dress? I had envisioned wearing a corset underneath mine but my dress was a soft silk and it was not appropriate - I had to take my knickers off In the end too - I did wear a Spanx slip though I think ( trying to recall ).

I would definitely take a friend if I were you or your mum, even your husband to be - I know this is frowned upon but I did it this way and the look on his face when I had on the right dress was a look I shall always remember! I felt so good in the dress and then I turned and looked at him and there were tears in his eyes! That was the dress...

... anyway ... you need an unbiased second opinion. The retailer wants a sale. Some retailers are wonderful and will help you to find a dress that suits your figure and so I would definitely go somewhere else, with a salesperson who is more helpful. Where I went the lady looked me up and down and knew immediately my size and what would suit me. Many do know what to advise for different body types, ages, etc and the word of mouth sales they would get from this are potentially massive.

I was once asked to go along to a fitting by someone in my apartment block, years ago. I didn’t even know her well and yet she needed someone with her and so I went and was happy to offer an unbiased view. Remember the shop assistant wants your money. You need the view of a person you can trust.

As people have said above - wear the underwear you would like to wear on the day. I wore Spanx! Comfort is essential and you don’t want to be fiddling with your underwear, all eyes will be on you in the big day.

Good luck and enjoy it!

Oh and I had an awful experience Wedding dress shopping in a traditional shop. All the samples were a size 12 and I was a 16. It was incredibly humiliating to be manhandled into a “ too small” dress - I cried when I got out. In the end I had a dress made ( non traditional ) but I wouldn’t have a problem with an evening gown. I find the whole tradition around white dresses a bit dull.

@LittleTiger007 I actually want to take my husband to be. I've shown him the selfies and I don't think he likes either?? He could just be being nice I don't know!

I bought my dress last year. I went on my own to the 1st dress shop. I am a shopper and am quiet decsisive and no what i like but didnt like wedding dress shopping. I was allowed browse through the dresses and pick out the ones i like. I also told the girl what i didnt want ie no strapless or big dresses. I tried them on and then the girl picked some others that she thought i would like, but wouldnt picked my sel. It opened my eye up to didffernt stsyles. She told me the price etc on each aswell as how long each dress would take plus rules, ie deposit paid and timeline for patayment etc. I went to about 5 more shops some on my own and some with a friend. i ended up goingback to the 1st shop and buying the dress i tried on 1st on my own . My advice would be do a little research on what you like, also on what you dont want and make sure theis is told at the beginning of your appoinmnet. I wouldnt recomeend going to loads of shops, its exahaustinga dnaswell as that you will find that by looking at 50 drsses they all become a blur. Do your research on shops too, make sure you go to ones that stock different brands han the shops you have been previlosly. Go onyour own if you feel conforatble, or bring just one friend. I dont agree wuith a huge crowd as their opnions will only cloud you. Be open and trust the shop assisatnsts they do know their stuff, but you must like them too as you will be delaing with them for the next 6 to 9 months. Take phots and then look back afterwards, elimnate ones you dont like and then narrow to your top tow or three, go back and try these on again, once you try o the right dress yuu will know. Make sure you let te shop know your budget too, do not try a dress on that you cant afford incase you fall in love with it . Have a look at pre loved ones too Best of luck

[quote Fressia123]@LittleTiger007 I actually want to take my husband to be. I've shown him the selfies and I don't think he likes either?? He could just be being nice I don't know![/quote]
Do it! Take him along. The tradition of the man not seeing the dress is superstition.
I loved the fact that a. I loved my dress and b. My fiancée loved my dress! I had prepared him with a stern warning that I wanted and needed him to be honest and kind in his comments but that I also really needed his opinion.
Good luck! Enjoy the search.

I'll see if I can convince him to come!!