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Original poster

Anyone had a late miscarriage/missed miscarriage?

27 replies

Trinpy · 14/12/2020 13:12

I've had a missed miscarriage at 4 months pregnant and will be going in to hospital tomorrow to be induced. I've googled a lot and read through the miscarriage sub forum on here, but I was wondering if anyone who had also been through this had any tips or advice? I've had a 1st trimester miscarriage before but that was early on enough that it all happened naturally at home and wasn't much worse than a very heavy period.

Thanks Xmas Smile.

OP posts:
Ismellphantoms · 14/12/2020 13:20

I had mine naturally. Very heavy bleeding with contractions. Strangely got the milk let down reflex a few days later when holding a friend's newborn which was a bit of a surprise. I recovered very quickly physically.

Original poster
Trinpy · 14/12/2020 14:16

Thank you Flowers. I was a bit worried about my milk coming in,but no one had mentioned anything about this to me so I'll just deal with it as it happens.

OP posts:
Merryhobnobs · 14/12/2020 14:22

I had a miscarriage at 14.5 weeks. Yes same as above to the milk. Just be kind to yourself. I had night sweats and other post partum symptoms for a while. And probably should have sought some help for my mental health but very much felt I had to just get on with things.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy
Original poster
Trinpy · 14/12/2020 16:21

Thank you @Merryhobnobs. Can I ask when you felt physically better and able to get back to normal life? I'm supposed to be doing the school run (walking) on Friday but if I'm still bleeding a lot then then I was thinking of just keeping them off since it's the last day of term and we can have a sofa day watching Christmas films. I've also got them on my own all weekend which isn't the best as they are both very active and will want to go out for long walks and things.

OP posts:
Biglieyoutold · 14/12/2020 16:35

I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

spiderlight · 14/12/2020 16:40

So sorry for your loss Flowers

I had a MMC at 13 weeks. It happened naturally at home - I'd been told there was no heartbeat at my 12-week scan but they'd booked me to go back a week later to check for growth, and then the bleeding started a couple of days before the second scan was due. I had very heavy bleeding and contractions (weirdly almost all in the evening, but for hours at a time and intense enough that I needed my TENS machine - easily as bad as actual labour) for about ten days before the miscarriage 'completed', in my GP's words, and then bled like a heavy period but manageable for another few weeks. You shouldn't have such severe pain and bleeding if it's medically managed but I would try to arrange some backup childcare for the weekend if at all possible (not easy with all the restrictions at the moment though, I know!)

wendz86 · 14/12/2020 16:45

Sorry to hear your news. I had a mmc at 16 weeks and was also induced in hospital. It is labour so make sure you take any pain killers available if you want to. I was kept in overnight after, not sure if that is always the case so worth taking things just in case. Mine was 6 years ago so can't remember how much bleeding there was after but i took it easy for a few days.

wendz86 · 14/12/2020 16:46

Just to add i went back to work a week later . That was a personal choice as i felt i was just thinking about it all the time. Physically I was ok but mentally not as good.

FoxyTheFox · 14/12/2020 16:53

I had one, also at four months.

One thing I was not at all prepared for was my waters breaking and contraction-like pains, I think I had it in my head it would be like a heavy period rather than an early version of labour and delivery. Ask for pain relief if you need it and you can also ask for a dose of anti-anxiety meds to take the edge off emotionally if you need to, I had propranolol which helped me get through the day then I was able to deal with the emotional side once I got home.

Be prepared also that they might ask if you want to hold your baby. There is no right or wrong answer, do whichever feels right for you, but again it is something I wasn't told ahead of time so wasn't prepared for. I did hold my baby and they let us have time alone to say goodbye.

Recovery-wise, heavy bleeding for a week which tapered off over the next few weeks and then stopped by around week 5.

I would keep the DC off school on Friday and have a snuggle day.

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
Trinpy · 14/12/2020 17:22

Thank you so much to everyone who has replied. This is exactly the kind of thing I wanted to know. I definitely want to hold him when he's born. I just don't know how I'm going to be able to give him up again Sad.

OP posts:
FoxyTheFox · 14/12/2020 17:35

Ah OP Sad I really am so sorry, its a shitty time and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. What I can tell you is that it gets easier with time, it never entirely goes away but it becomes less raw, more like a scar than a gaping wound. And he will always be with you. His whole life all he knew was warmth and love and your heartbeat, he will never entirely leave you Flowers

Laiste · 14/12/2020 17:40

FlowersFlowers OP
Sending you strength to get through and peace to recover x

GrapesAreMyJam · 14/12/2020 17:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

AlexaPlayWhiteNoise · 14/12/2020 18:01

I am so, so sorry for your loss Trinpy

We lost a little boy last month at 21+4, I absolutely echo what *Foxy" had said, it is so shit and utterly heartbreaking and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

Ask for painkillers if you need, there is also a medication to stop/stunt your milk coming in.

Hold your boy, take a book in maybe to read to him, sing him songs, tell him how loved he is and will always be. Take a blanket to wrap him in. I wrote a note to tuck inside his blanket and send with him.

The hospital may take his little hand and footprint for you, but if not, take an ink pad and some card, so you have them.

He never knew hunger or cold, sadness or fear, all he knew was the warmth of your body and your love. He will always be part of you, and part of your family.

I will light a candle for your boy and say a prayer for him tonight, if that is ok with you 💙

Original poster
Trinpy · 14/12/2020 19:03

Thank you @AlexaPlayWhiteNoise that's very kind of you and I'm sorry for your loss.

Sorry for everyone on this thread who has had to go through this Flowers.

They have mentioned doing hand/footprints at the hospital so hopefully they will do that tomorrow. My mum knitted a little blanket for him when I fitst told her I was pregnant so I'm going to bring that into hospital tomorrow to wrap him in while I'm holding him then maybe take it home with me afterwards as he will be sent off for post mortem before he can be cremated, and I'm told this can take a few months.

I didn't know that there was something they could give you to stop your milk coming in. That would be really helpful.

Thank you everyone for your advice and kind words.

OP posts:
Glitterandunicorns · 14/12/2020 23:40

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had a MMC and needed to have an ERPC in hospital as it wasn't resolving itself. I was about nine weeks, so earlier than you. It was my second loss (and each pregnancy had taken over 18 months of trying) and I ended up needing to take about six weeks off work while I came to terms with it.

Original poster
Trinpy · 15/12/2020 09:09

That sounds awful Glitter Flowers.

I'm at the hospital now and feeling very alone. I should have someone coming to sit with me later so I just have to hold it together until then.

OP posts:
Mishmased · 15/12/2020 09:22

Wishing you the best for today and so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks naturally in late July. It does get easier, sending you strength ThanksThanksThanks

Original poster
Trinpy · 15/12/2020 09:50

Thank you Mishmased.

OP posts:
Thousandmiles · 15/12/2020 09:50

I’m so so sorry for your loss, OP. I’ve been through this, the hospital took my DD’s hand and footprints for us and we have treasured them ever since. We also chose a name for her. Taking the blanket your mum knitted sounds absolutely perfect. My loss was very sudden so I didn’t have time to prepare anything like that but if I could have done, it would have brought us a lot of comfort.

You will be really looked after in hospital. Physically, the recovery was fine, although it took a few weeks to feel back to full strength - the emotional side took longer. I found Sands and Tommy’s charity really helpful, they both have a lot of support and information available. The hospital should also offer you counselling which you could consider if you think it would help you.

I didn’t have any other children at the time and everything felt very bleak but I did go on to have my rainbow baby without any complications.

Please be kind to yourself over the coming weeks, it’s such a horrible thing to go through. Keep checking in on this thread if you want to chat or if it helps. Flowers

Original poster
Trinpy · 15/12/2020 15:04

Thank you Thousandmiles and sorry for your loss Flowers.

The induction was much quicker than I thought it would be and it was all done by lunchtime. I'm just resting for now and waiting for the doctor to go through post mortem consents and the the chaplain to come to do a blessing.

OP posts:
Mishmased · 15/12/2020 16:12

@Trinpy Been thinking of you. I'm glad to hear things went as best as they could have. Make sure to rest loads and be kind to yourself 😘😘

Original poster
Trinpy · 15/12/2020 16:39

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
Greenbks · 15/12/2020 16:50

I’m sorry for your loss. Did you name your baby (no pressure to of course).

I had my son (premature labour) around 19weeks. He was born Alive and we cherished those 45 minutes of his heart beating. I was given a tablet to stop my milk from coming in.

See how you feel and Keep the kids off if that’s what you want to do. I was a complete mess physically and mentally but was very kind to myself. So my advise would be, don’t underestimate your feelings and be kind to yourself. Seek help if you want to and indulge in a few treats. Take care of yourself. Xx

spiderlight · 15/12/2020 18:20

Thinking of you Flowers