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Partner annoys me.

53 replies

Sarah24680 · 13/12/2020 12:59

This is going to be fairly long so bear with me.
Basically I feel that my partner annoys me a lot of the time.
He smokes weed a lot (he says it's partly for the pain he's in for a serious injury/disability he has). I hate the smell and it actually makes me feel ill if we're in a confined space.
I think because of this he talks a lot.
He doesn't work cos of this injury/being disabled and I feel sorry for him cos of this.
To make extra money (he gets barely any universal credit including no disability payment cos they reckon he could work despite having actual brain damage as well as physical disablement) he sells weed to his friends to make a bit of extra money.
Therefore people show up throughout the day, morning til night, some phoning ahead, some not.
I feel like I'm constantly having to be polite and make small talk when I can't be bothered to see them.
Some in particular are good mates and stay for hours.
We don't live together so I can go home which is the saving grace of the situation.
He has many redeeming qualities. He is 45 and also has a daughter who doesn't live with him.
He knows my feelings about it all.
Sometimes I just want to leave. Other times we just roll along.
Thank you.

OP posts:
Sarah24680 · 13/12/2020 13:01

I suppose I'm wondering your thoughts. Does anyone have any similar experiences? Any thoughts for changing things?

OP posts:
Sarah24680 · 13/12/2020 13:02

One of his friends in particular annoys me. I find him very judgemental and anti women.

OP posts:
Hailtomyteeth · 13/12/2020 13:06

Sorry, I'm laughing here. You want my thoughts???

You are associating with a middle-aged dealing stoner.
Stop.

For heaven's sake - you don't even live with him. Why are you with him at all? Can he even get it up? Just sack him and start a decent life. Go for it.

Buzzer3555 · 13/12/2020 13:11

I'm with hailtomyteeth on this. He sounds like a loser and I feel he will drag you down. Think about what you are actually getting from the relationship.....would life be so bad without him?

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/12/2020 13:13

Your self esteem must incredibly low. If this is real. What’s so wrong with you that you think this is all you’re worth?

Speechless.

ApolloandDaphne · 13/12/2020 13:16

My thoughts are that you have no self esteem. In order to change things you need to leave him and find someone who is not a deadbeat, dealing stoner.

Plastichearts · 13/12/2020 13:17

You must be absolutely mad.

Superstardjs · 13/12/2020 13:18

I can't imagine what his redeeming qualities are, nothing you put brings to mind anything other than a lazy, druggie middle aged twat. He annoyed me just reading about him.

C0NNIE · 13/12/2020 13:19

What @Hailtomyteeth said.

FlibbertyGiblets · 13/12/2020 13:20

Ugh. There is no talk of love, or affection, just irritation and "rolling along".

You don't like his habits, his way of funding himself, the company he keeps - I don't blame you.

So. Thoughts on changing things?
Yes. Get rid. It isn't working for you and that's okay. You don't have to stay coupled with him just because you feel sorry for him.

Plastichearts · 13/12/2020 13:24

When people ask what your partner does for a living, what do you say?

gamerchick · 13/12/2020 13:24

Just save yourself some time and dump him. Pity isn't a reason to stay with someone.

madcatladyforever · 13/12/2020 13:25

What redeeming qualities does he have? I can't see any.
I've had a serious mental illness for more than 40 years which is under control because I make sure I take medication for it and I'm physically disabled but I still manage a full on job in the NHS as a medical professional. I don't smoke weed either.
He is lazy, a stoner and a drug dealer and the people he sells to are turning up at all hours of the day and you feel you need to be polite to them?
He can work but doesn't choose to.
How did your standards get so low that you are kowtowing to a complete waste of space like this and trying to be polite to other druggies?
What about your kids?
Do you have absolutely no standards at all? I would sooner live alone for the rest of my life than live with an utter waste of space like this.
What kind of future do you see with this man? Because there isn't one.
Get some counselling and try and work out how you can improve your life rather than dragging it into the dirt.

SmileyClare · 13/12/2020 13:25

I think it's harsh to label a disabled person with a brain injury "lazy" He may well be self medicating with weed for his constant pain. I feel sympathy for any person unable to work and limping along on benefits. It's no life.

That said, perhaps you are staying with him out of guilt Op? You feel bad about his difficulties and disabilities and that's stopping you ending it? He's prioritising his friends when you visit and you're expected to put up with that. It's just not working and you're allowed to end it without feeling bad. Flowers

Aquamarine1029 · 13/12/2020 13:29

You're dating and associating with a drug dealer. You are present when he is dealing drugs. Are you mad? Do you have no standards whatsoever?

MumUndone · 13/12/2020 13:30

OP, you deserve more.

Sarah24680 · 13/12/2020 13:32

I think some of you are being very harsh. He was very successful when younger and very hardworking. However one day when leaving work (he owned a phone shop) he was mugged by someone who smashed him over the head with a brick. He was in a coma for two months had to have brain surgery and had been left severely disabled on his left side as well as with branch n damage including loss of short term memory so I don't think he could get a job.

OP posts:
Sarah24680 · 13/12/2020 13:33

He is caring kind funny thoughtful kind and knowledgeable.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/12/2020 13:33

Every drug dealer has a story I'm sure...

Anyway, what are you going to do about it?

You have 2 choices - dump him or stay with him.

Sarah24680 · 13/12/2020 13:34

Honestly I think some of you need to take a look in the mirror. Life must be sweet for you lol.

OP posts:
Sarah24680 · 13/12/2020 13:35

Thanks for the people who've actually been decent.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 13/12/2020 13:38

He can work but chooses not to I'm not sure why posters are saying this. The government have fucked nearly all disabled people by cutting benefits and telling them they're "fit" to work. It's not a simple as that for most people with life limiting injuries and disabilities. It's actually near on impossible for many to find work and opportunities are extremely limited in finding something that accommodates physical and mental impairment.

That aside, the relationship sounds pretty awful in terms of what you're getting out of it. Don't stay out of some misplaced obligation Op.

Sparklfairy · 13/12/2020 13:39

@Sarah24680

Honestly I think some of you need to take a look in the mirror. Life must be sweet for you lol.
Whilst most people here (myself included) would not choose to have a drug dealer as a boyfriend, the fact remains that the crux of the issue is your thread title. Your partner annoys you!

Stay friends with him if you like, but this isn't a relationship. Let him go and find someone who really makes you happy, not just someone you 'rub along with' but irritates you. Life is too damn short.

funfunfunfunfun · 13/12/2020 13:40

Your so called partner is a drug dealer and smokes weed which you don't like. He won't change for you. You don't live together so end it and meet someone you actually like.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 13/12/2020 13:42

Pity though doesn’t replace love, which you haven’t mentioned.
He’s on a vicious circle here, he buys drugs,(which aren’t cheap), to afford drugs he sells drugs. This will mean mixing with some very unsavoury characters. He is also dealing, which is still illegal and could end up with him being arrested. You want to be mixed up in that life?
To borrow a phrase, does he bring you joy? No? Then get rid.

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