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Original poster

Partner annoys me.

53 replies

Sarah24680 · 13/12/2020 12:59

This is going to be fairly long so bear with me.
Basically I feel that my partner annoys me a lot of the time.
He smokes weed a lot (he says it's partly for the pain he's in for a serious injury/disability he has). I hate the smell and it actually makes me feel ill if we're in a confined space.
I think because of this he talks a lot.
He doesn't work cos of this injury/being disabled and I feel sorry for him cos of this.
To make extra money (he gets barely any universal credit including no disability payment cos they reckon he could work despite having actual brain damage as well as physical disablement) he sells weed to his friends to make a bit of extra money.
Therefore people show up throughout the day, morning til night, some phoning ahead, some not.
I feel like I'm constantly having to be polite and make small talk when I can't be bothered to see them.
Some in particular are good mates and stay for hours.
We don't live together so I can go home which is the saving grace of the situation.
He has many redeeming qualities. He is 45 and also has a daughter who doesn't live with him.
He knows my feelings about it all.
Sometimes I just want to leave. Other times we just roll along.
Thank you.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 13/12/2020 13:46

If the main issue is the constant stream of friends coming and going or staying for hours then that can change can't it?

I'm not judging on the small scale selling of weed. He's doing it to get by and fund his own use to medicate his injuries.. My experience of heavy cannabis users however is that they're quite annoying when they talk on and on and laugh at inane shit etc unless you're stoned as well. Confused
There are also other forms of CBD oil sold legally online which could be used for pain relief. I don't know how expensive or successful they are.

dottiedodah · 13/12/2020 13:46

He may have been successful when young ,and have many redeeming qualities .However dealing Weed and smoking it is not not exactly a recipe for responsible behaviour in a middle aged man is it!

Plastichearts · 13/12/2020 13:49

What kind of lifestyle is that for you? He’s dealing morning till night (your words.)

MrsLebowski · 13/12/2020 13:52

I mean I love The Dude but would he make a good DP irl? Probably not.

WorraLiberty · 13/12/2020 13:56

If he can manage to source the weed from his own dealer, weigh it out, bag it up and make himself available throughout the day and night for sales, perhaps you could suggest a legal job he could do from home?

One where he's not breaking the law, cheating the benefits system and probably annoying the fuck out of his neighbours?

user42579522 · 13/12/2020 14:00

He can work but chooses not to I'm not sure why posters are saying this. The government have fucked nearly all disabled people by cutting benefits and telling them they're "fit" to work. It's not a simple as that for most people with life limiting injuries and disabilities. It's actually near on impossible for many to find work and opportunities are extremely limited in finding something that accommodates physical and mental impairment.

Agree with this. But then more often than not if a disabled person posts on MN about struggling with work or needing their employer to make reasonable adjustments, they get told that their disability is incompatible with business needs and if they can't access the workplace without adjustments they are obviously not trying hard enough and need to leave instead of bothering their poor little employer.

So the attitudes on this thread don't really surprise me.

something2say · 13/12/2020 14:03

Hello. My thoughts are, this is the life he is going to live. You don't have to judge it harshly, but you do owe it to yourself to ask, does the shoe fit me? It's perfectly reasonable to conclude that no it does not, and to move on.

hadesinahalfahell · 13/12/2020 14:07

He sounds like a massive loser with nothing going for him. Also, I'm sure if he can manage to deal drugs all day he could also manage to get a legal job.

SmileyClare · 13/12/2020 14:17

@something2say

Hello. My thoughts are, this is the life he is going to live. You don't have to judge it harshly, but you do owe it to yourself to ask, does the shoe fit me? It's perfectly reasonable to conclude that no it does not, and to move on.
I think this is brilliant advice. He's on Universal Credit which lets face it, you can barely survive on long term and he's supplementing it with a cash in hand weed dealing. I don't think that will change.

He may well be an interesting, kind, funny, highly intelligent person who you like to spend time with but his lifestyle is jarring with what you want or need in a partner.

malbecchio · 13/12/2020 14:18

@WorraLiberty

If he can manage to source the weed from his own dealer, weigh it out, bag it up and make himself available throughout the day and night for sales, perhaps you could suggest a legal job he could do from home?

One where he's not breaking the law, cheating the benefits system and probably annoying the fuck out of his neighbours?

THIS. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
MrsBrunch · 13/12/2020 14:23

Where does he live that he can have people in and out of his house all the time?

SmileyClare · 13/12/2020 14:23

It's a nice idea Worra bagging up and selling something legal from home. Facebook tat or similar. He would have to declare that and get his UC claim suspended for weeks and then reduced from £50 a week to probably nothing.

That's why cash in hand work is beneficial to him. I'm not making it right but it's not as simple as get a job is it.

WorraLiberty · 13/12/2020 14:29

@SmileyClare

It's a nice idea Worra bagging up and selling something legal from home. Facebook tat or similar. He would have to declare that and get his UC claim suspended for weeks and then reduced from £50 a week to probably nothing.

That's why cash in hand work is beneficial to him. I'm not making it right but it's not as simple as get a job is it.

Yes, it's beneficial to him until he gets nicked.
MrsDThomas · 13/12/2020 14:33

Jeez you’re here asking for advice?😂

Pretty clear to see what you need to do.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 13/12/2020 14:35

I'm not sure what you're looking for from this thread. You give a long list in your OP of things each one of which would be a relationship ender for many people. You say yourself that you are not happy with things. But when posters have suggested that you could do better or that you would be happier without him you are angry with them because they are not taking into account his good qualities (which you hadn't mentioned in your OP).

You feel that something is not right in your life, otherwise you wouldn't be asking for opinions. My opinion is that he isn't going to change so the choice lies with you, either continue as you are or break up with him. Pick whichever option makes you happier in the long term.

AdventureCode · 13/12/2020 14:50

Dont stay with him out of pity, especially if he annoys you a lot of the time. I don't agree with others saying you can do better, you must have shit self esteem etc. I think he's clearly been dealt a shit hand.
Decide whether you want more of the life he offers you going into 2021. If its a no, which is perfectly fine i wouldnt want it, think of the new year as a fresh start for you.

SmileyClare · 13/12/2020 15:05

Its beneficial for him til he gets nicked

Yes there is that Grin

lemonsquashie · 13/12/2020 15:09

Poor bloke. He has suffered immensely. The Gov does not do enough to help people with disabilities

But you have no quality of life with him.

Be selfish. You only get one chance at this

Original poster
Sarah24680 · 13/12/2020 15:16

I only have canine children in answer to what about my children so that's not really an issue.not sure I should say that on Mumsnet lol but then I've also said my bf smokes and sells weed.
Thanks for your responses. I'm 'closing' this thread now but it's been interesting. I like coming on Mumsnet since I think people tell the truth in general and can be a good source of support , tho I do loathe some of the heartless remarks. I shall take your responses to think about. Merry Xmas and hny X

OP posts:
TeaBanditTeej · 13/12/2020 15:22

@Sarah24680

This is going to be fairly long so bear with me. Basically I feel that my partner annoys me a lot of the time. He smokes weed a lot (he says it's partly for the pain he's in for a serious injury/disability he has). I hate the smell and it actually makes me feel ill if we're in a confined space. I think because of this he talks a lot. He doesn't work cos of this injury/being disabled and I feel sorry for him cos of this. To make extra money (he gets barely any universal credit including no disability payment cos they reckon he could work despite having actual brain damage as well as physical disablement) he sells weed to his friends to make a bit of extra money. Therefore people show up throughout the day, morning til night, some phoning ahead, some not. I feel like I'm constantly having to be polite and make small talk when I can't be bothered to see them. Some in particular are good mates and stay for hours. We don't live together so I can go home which is the saving grace of the situation. He has many redeeming qualities. He is 45 and also has a daughter who doesn't live with him. He knows my feelings about it all. Sometimes I just want to leave. Other times we just roll along. Thank you.
Weed in the UK is not for pain He can go to the GP for help Not to his local drug dealer It's different to medicinal cannabis in USA for example... those are my only thoughts on this

Stay strong
You'll do the right thing

Crankley · 13/12/2020 15:25

You write a thread complaining about how much your partner annoys you and when people respond agreeing and saying they wouldn't like it either, you get stroppy and write a post saying how fucking wonderful he is.

If he's so fabulous stop complaining!

Original poster
Sarah24680 · 13/12/2020 18:21

Ahh so compassionate...

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarah24680 · 13/12/2020 18:22

@AdventureCode

Dont stay with him out of pity, especially if he annoys you a lot of the time. I don't agree with others saying you can do better, you must have shit self esteem etc. I think he's clearly been dealt a shit hand. Decide whether you want more of the life he offers you going into 2021. If its a no, which is perfectly fine i wouldnt want it, think of the new year as a fresh start for you.
👍
OP posts:
Original poster
Sarah24680 · 13/12/2020 18:24

@MrsBrunch

Where does he live that he can have people in and out of his house all the time?
Don't understand this... If you're in the town it's pretty straightforward...
OP posts:
SmileyClare · 13/12/2020 18:30

I think the people in and out comment was in reference to the current lockdown Sarah ..eek.

I actually feel quite sorry for your dp. I assume he doesn't have much money or much of a life so dealing to his friends is not only a bit of pocket money but also a connection with people and a way to socialise. Would his friends visit otherwise? I don't know.

As others have said though, don't stay out of feelings of sympathy or feel too guilty to end things. Your happiness is just as important as his. Smile

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