Bad Gift? Do I say anything?

[PinkYellowTinsel]

My husband is usually last minute with regards to gifts but made an effort this year and had bought all his family's gifts (and mine) and they're wrapped under the tree.

I'm awful for opening gifts early (have done since I was a child) and it almost feels like a tradition for me (opening gifts and wrapping them back up) I know many will have something to say about this.. but please don't. My family know this, and often laughed about.

My issue is I've opened his gift and he's got me a less expensive version of a jewellery item I already have. I splurged on this item to wear on our wedding, and as much as I love the item I have I don't wear it often (unless I'm going out). I don't want to say specifics because it's 'outing' but it's the EXACT same thing, but less expensive. Note, it isn't just less expensive gold earrings, it's an exact same style of something.

Do I say now that I wish he'd return it? I know it's ungrateful but he alternative is that I won't ever use it, I barely wear the more expensive 'version'.

It's super strange because he knows I have this jewellery item, so unsure why he's bought it?! I know it's coming from a good place, and I know he thinks I'll love it..

So unsure whether or not to say anything?

It’s interesting that you open presents early and seemingly don’t make any attempt to stop yourself. Don’t you think it ruins the excitement for everyone else to know you don’t care about their feelings enough to wait.

I don’t understand what it is about it you don’t like? You don’t wear necklaces? Okay well why don’t you start with this one?

Sorry still can't get past the present opening compulsion. Do you think hypnotherapy might work for it?

Someone in my family does this (older than you so not you) and although we joke about it, we all think this person has 'issues' and we all absolutely hate it. I accepted it for years and more recently have stopped putting anything round the tree until Christmas morning as I think it's terribly rude and I"m not putting up with it anymore.

You did the wrong thing and now you're stuck - you can't say anything till Christmas Day without sounding absolutely terrible. On Christmas Day, arrange your face into a pleasant expression and say thank you. Then later just say gently that as you already have one, would he mind f you returned it for something you'll wear more often.

@Sparklingbrook

Sorry still can't get past the present opening compulsion. Do you think hypnotherapy might work for it?

What did he say when you rejected it?

OP in the nicest possible way - and I really hope this doesn’t come across as passive aggressive as I don’t intend it to - it’s a Christmas present that you’ve said yourself you think he would have thought you would like. Try and see the gift as just that - a gift. Don’t make a drama out of it, life is too short.

Next year, make it clear what you would like from October onwards.

Thanks for answering that question OP.
Interesting, I can see your justification. If I’m honest I still don’t think it’s right but can see another view.

I'm laughing at those who are getting a little judgement or suggesting I need therapy because I open gifts early... 

If you read my previous updates you'd know that I've already spoken to my DH, he's fine, and I've suggested another gift that I will wear and he's happy that I said I'd never wear it.

@Regularsizedrudy I said in the original post that "I love the original item I have but don't wear it often" apologies if I didn't make it specifically clear that I don't wear necklaces often (not this specific necklace).

@Returnofthemaccys You need to mention it to said family member. My family know the reason I open gifts early (see previous post) and are more than happy to have me suggest gifts that I want to reduce the anxiety over gifts for me. They know if they get me a 'surprise' gift that there's a chance I won't like it/ they'll see my face as I open it. They're fine/ still love

But why not just START wearing necklaces often? I mean I know it’s all by the by now you’ve spoken to him anyway..

Sorry OP but if I were your DH or family member you wouldn’t get any gifts from me. There’s no point if you can’t stop yourself from opening them.
I think it either shows that you don’t really care about other people’s feelings or that you have some serious impulse control issues. It’s childish and IMO no functioning adult actually ‘can’t stop themselves’ from doing something like this.

Its really difficult getting jewellery from others, smile on Christmas day then exchange it in the new year.

@Regularsizedrudy I find it annoying having to take them on/ off to shower or have a bath. I could in theory wear one to please someone else but I've gone 30+ years not wearing necklace because I find them more of a faff than they're worth. I also wear high necked shirts or turtlenecks a lot.. so you can't see a necklace.

@thecakebadge but by your theory the only reason you buy a gift is to 'surprise' someone. I don't open gifts if I know what I'm getting, I do it because I don't like the thought of opening a gift that I don't like and my face indicating this. But it's your opinion... my family are more than happy to buy me gifts still.

Why does it matter if its less expensive. You sound ungrateful going on about the cost

I find this thread so odd. If a child behaved like this i'm sure they'd get told they were ungrateful and spoilt, but most seem ok with an adult behaving like this 🤷‍♀️

I really don't believe you can't just make our face look pleasant for a few minutes. You sound ridiculously self-centred.

I’m intrigued to know the brand/style of the original necklace. DH hasn’t got the gift buying touch, left alone I’d wonder if he knew who he’d been married to for the last 20 odd years 😂. It’s best to be honest than put on a grin and shove a gift in the drawer never to be used/worn. I don’t know that I’d go opening wrapped gifts though and I am extremely nosey.

What a joy you are.

Bit weird to buy a necklace for someone who has not worn a necklace for 30 years.
I don't take mine off to bath or shower-should I be?

All this worry about making the right face seems a bit strange, tell him you have opened his gift and you don't want it. He presumably knows that you will have opened it two weeks before Christmas?

I'm with TheCakeBadge
You sound really immature. Can't believe you open presents and wrap them back up

Re the gift, it depends on how much of your weekly / monthly budget £100 is. If someone bought me something I wouldn't wear / use for that sort of amount, I would definitely ask if I could change it for something useful / wanted. I know for so many on here though, £100 is nothing and seemingly a 'normal amount' to spend on a present. Because we don't like waste in our family, we offer each other 'wish lists' so we can make sure we get things we actually want. Maybe that is the way forward for you.

If I knew you did this I wouldn’t be laughing about it, I just wouldn’t be buying you anything ever again.

Saying anything would be rude and ungrateful. Shame on you.

What’s the point in only ever receiving gifts when you know what they are? With your DH you might as well just call it quits, if he spends £100 on something where you know what it is and it’s family money anyway then why bother? You might as well just buy yourself something for an equivalent amount to what he would have spent. Why should he bother going to the effort of choosing something and wrapping it when you’re just going to open it beforehand anyway. Waste of his time.
You sound like you have to be in control of everything, would it really be so bad if someone gave you a gift and you didn’t know what it was? You say it’s because you’re not good at hiding when you don’t like it. What do you do in other situations where you’ve opened the present early and don’t like it?
With the necklace though I’d just be honest and also tell him not to bother in future years, I feel really sorry for him, he’s gone to the effort of choosing something he thought you’d like. Save him the trouble in future years.

Even my 4 year old resists the temptation to peek a look at her pressies.

It does rather sound like the occupation of a spoilt princess.

Literally the whole point of wrapped Christmas presents is the surprise on Christmas morning.. Fair enough if you don’t like surprises but why bother having a present at all? Just say you are opting out. Tell your family to save their money.

Just tell him, he knows you sneak peeks at the presents early, be straight up, it's not worth having it doing your head in all the way up to Christmas day. If it was a stocking filler I'd say accept with grace but if it's a £100 main present like you said then it's a lot of money to waste so, yeah, I'd tell DH.