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Original poster

Have you ever relocated and regretted it?

29 replies

Annoy · 12/12/2020 19:26

We moved from Wales to England when my dd was small, just before she started school as, although I’m Welsh I don’t speak fluently Welsh, and my dh is English. We lived in a Welsh speaking area and we decided at the time that it would be best for dd to go to an English speaking school.

We moved to a beautiful part of England wher we have always holidayed in the past.

6yrs on I still don’t feel settled and do pine for being back in Wales, mainly family are there, it’s all I’ve ever known, I didn’t move away for uni so I have lots of friends there ranging from school to uni to work to mum friends. I visit approx 3 times a year.

I do have friends here in England though and a job, so does dh... although no friends as he’s naturally not very sociable. We have hobbies and kids have friends and are settled in school. Youngest was 6 months old when we moved so knows no different.

We both want to move back but dd starts high school in Sept and we feel that this would be massively unfair on dc to move.

An English speaking area of Wales is not an option, we want to move back to where we came from.

Has anyone been in a similar position?

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 12/12/2020 19:32

Yes. We moved to Texas. I hate it. It’s the most boring place I’ve ever lived, we don’t have enough money to have a good life here It was supposed to be 2.5yrs, it’s been 7. My oldest is about to start high school. We bought a house based on our needs at the time, it’s too small and in the catchment for a school that focuses on sports. I’m a bit worried for my non sporty child to attend. There is a closer HS to us but for some reason they won’t rezone our neighbourhood. Cant afford to move.

I’m also worried he’ll finish HS here and go to college and settle here which will mean I’m stuck here too. Probably what my H has been planning all along. I’m resigned to being stuck.

mbosnz · 12/12/2020 19:34

OMG yes. Twice.

And from the other side of the flipping world, and my kids education now would be radically compromised if we went back.

There ain't enough wine in the world.

Original poster
Annoy · 12/12/2020 19:37

@HerRoyalNotness

Yes. We moved to Texas. I hate it. It’s the most boring place I’ve ever lived, we don’t have enough money to have a good life here It was supposed to be 2.5yrs, it’s been 7. My oldest is about to start high school. We bought a house based on our needs at the time, it’s too small and in the catchment for a school that focuses on sports. I’m a bit worried for my non sporty child to attend. There is a closer HS to us but for some reason they won’t rezone our neighbourhood. Cant afford to move.

I’m also worried he’ll finish HS here and go to college and settle here which will mean I’m stuck here too. Probably what my H has been planning all along. I’m resigned to being stuck.

Oh royal that sounds tough! Are you from the US originally? Can you relocate within the US when ds finishes school, then he can visit?... or encourage him to go to uni somewhere else?
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elQuintoConyo · 12/12/2020 19:37

No, sorry.

We moved to Italy, then Spain. We considered a move to France 3 years ago when did was 6yo, but chickened out! Turns out it was for the best with Covid and Brexit, although otherwise we'd have had a fab life.

So, we're still in Spain. And happy about it. Nowhere near my family (I'm British), but near DH's (who are slightly weird Grin so I leave him and DD to it much of the time). Busy jobs, busy lives, good friends.

I have thought, admittedly rather morbidly, that if anything were to happen to DH, I'd move back to the UK. But that's as close as it gets.

If you want to move back where your roots are, I wouldn't worry about changing school at 11yo, I did (forces child) and it was fine, just new people, not that worrying.

Original poster
Annoy · 12/12/2020 19:39

@mbosnz

OMG yes. Twice.

And from the other side of the flipping world, and my kids education now would be radically compromised if we went back.

There ain't enough wine in the world.

This is my main issue... we moved for the dc, they’re happy here but know they’d settle okay in Wales as they have friends and cousins there. But i worry that their education would suffer
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Original poster
Annoy · 12/12/2020 19:40

@elQuintoConyo

No, sorry.

We moved to Italy, then Spain. We considered a move to France 3 years ago when did was 6yo, but chickened out! Turns out it was for the best with Covid and Brexit, although otherwise we'd have had a fab life.

So, we're still in Spain. And happy about it. Nowhere near my family (I'm British), but near DH's (who are slightly weird Grin so I leave him and DD to it much of the time). Busy jobs, busy lives, good friends.

I have thought, admittedly rather morbidly, that if anything were to happen to DH, I'd move back to the UK. But that's as close as it gets.

If you want to move back where your roots are, I wouldn't worry about changing school at 11yo, I did (forces child) and it was fine, just new people, not that worrying.

Thanks. My dd is introverted so i do worry about her starting a new school without her primary school friends
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Paprikaka · 12/12/2020 19:42

Yes the property is bigger but still hate the area and the people in it.
Always choose location, the property can be rejigged, declutteted and decoratedbut location is unchangeable.

Original poster
Annoy · 12/12/2020 19:48

@Paprikaka

Yes the property is bigger but still hate the area and the people in it. Always choose location, the property can be rejigged, declutteted and decoratedbut location is unchangeable.
We have no issues about where we live, our house is now too expensive for us to keep due to dh losing his job, so we have to move in the new year any way and down size.

Looking at houses you get more house for your money In Wales compared to here. Here is so expensive!

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mbosnz · 12/12/2020 19:48

We moved here for DH's career, and daughters are currently GCSE and A levels. They've heroically adapted and achieved, having come here two loooooooooong years ago. I have told DH that my line in the sand is if we end up having Soviet shortages and queues as a result of Brexit. . .

Original poster
Annoy · 12/12/2020 19:52

@mbosnz

We moved here for DH's career, and daughters are currently GCSE and A levels. They've heroically adapted and achieved, having come here two loooooooooong years ago. I have told DH that my line in the sand is if we end up having Soviet shortages and queues as a result of Brexit. . .
Fair enough!

Glad Your dc have settled well

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Earache2020 · 12/12/2020 19:54

I do! Moved from the other side of the world to the UK. Had children and was totally caught up in baby/toddler survival mode. Then eldest started school, then the youngest followed. Now I'm pretty sad that I now realise we'll never move back. There are so many things that could go wrong if we moved. Myself and partner have jobs that we like (ish) mostly because of good flexibility and 2 children settled in school. So it would be a huge risk. Plus so much has changed and I have lost touch with friends and work connections. Now I also have become accustomed to many English ways of doing things that I even doubt I would like it as much as I think I will. OK I'm rambling now but the bottom line I think for me is that I'm kinda in between places and don't really fit in either.

mbosnz · 12/12/2020 19:58

Earache, can I ask which part of the other side of the world you're from? Obviously, no obligation to answer! I worry that I may never make it home too, and it's definitely home. . . but if the girls (understandably) make this their permanent home. . .hard decisions to make!

Original poster
Annoy · 12/12/2020 20:03

@Earache2020

I do! Moved from the other side of the world to the UK. Had children and was totally caught up in baby/toddler survival mode. Then eldest started school, then the youngest followed. Now I'm pretty sad that I now realise we'll never move back. There are so many things that could go wrong if we moved. Myself and partner have jobs that we like (ish) mostly because of good flexibility and 2 children settled in school. So it would be a huge risk. Plus so much has changed and I have lost touch with friends and work connections. Now I also have become accustomed to many English ways of doing things that I even doubt I would like it as much as I think I will. OK I'm rambling now but the bottom line I think for me is that I'm kinda in between places and don't really fit in either.
There is a similar risk for us too asI would have to start job hunting!!!
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VenusClapTrap · 12/12/2020 20:10

I moved to London to move in with Dh. Hated it. Spent five years there, chipping away at dh’s determination to never leave London, and eventually persuaded him after we had dc and the horrors of the local schools were a helpful factor.

I worried a bit about how he’d cope with rural life, but he loves it.

Original poster
Annoy · 12/12/2020 20:14

The worry also is that we move back and then regret is again!

OP posts:
mbosnz · 12/12/2020 20:16

I've done the move back too. There is adjustment, and you always have a foot a little back left in the other camp. You remember everything that was wonderful about the other place. That's why we ended up back here again, lol.

LovingCountryLife · 12/12/2020 20:16

Oh please don't turn this into another tedious 'We Hate Surrey' thread !

Mumbum2011 · 12/12/2020 20:16

We've recently relocated from SE to NI. So far it's been amazing. Education is so much better here though and my dc has made so much progress already and settled so well. This is a cheaper part of uk so we have a nicer house, in a nicer area and once proceeds of our sale comes though (imminent), we'll be mortgage free (mid 30's). Biggest draw is family. Seeing dc (only child) at the beach playing with cousins today is immeasurable! I'm also near childhood friends and it's been great seeing our children together.

BuzzingTheBee · 12/12/2020 20:19

Lots of children move to high schools were they dont know anyone and are fine

TessApricot · 12/12/2020 20:22

Where we are now is better for my husband’s job and we are closer to elderly parents but I much preferred our old town and I still desperately miss my friendship and support circle.

nancybotwinbloom · 12/12/2020 20:24

Yes. I've lived all over.

I've come home since I had my DD to make sure my mum and dad have a relationship with her.

I'm 41 and now and it's only now I have a DD I realise how hard my parents must have found it. Although they supported my decisions fully in wanting more for myself.

I selfishly hope my DD doesn't move away when she is older but I will support her whatever she does.

Planetzog · 12/12/2020 20:24

@Annoy if you move back to Wales won't your DD be taught in Welsh?

Earache2020 · 12/12/2020 20:28

@mbosnz

Earache, can I ask which part of the other side of the world you're from? Obviously, no obligation to answer! I worry that I may never make it home too, and it's definitely home. . . but if the girls (understandably) make this their permanent home. . .hard decisions to make!
I'm ready for a name-change soon anyway so... Canada. You?
Original poster
Annoy · 12/12/2020 20:30

@LovingCountryLife

Oh please don't turn this into another tedious 'We Hate Surrey' thread !
I don’t live in Surrey!
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Original poster
Annoy · 12/12/2020 20:33

[quote Planetzog]@Annoy if you move back to Wales won't your DD be taught in Welsh?[/quote]
Yeah, she would go to a bilingual secondary school were 30% is taught in Welsh. My youngest would go to a Welsh primary school which is predominately Welsh speaking.

So we d be doing the thing we moved away for! 🙄

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