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Original poster

Moved house - think I’m having a nervous breakdown

55 replies

RHTawneyonabus · 09/12/2020 12:21

I’m not sure where to write this or ask for help. We’ve just moved, it’s a lovely house and I’m glad to be out of rented. It’s further out of town than I wanted and very quiet but otherwise everything you could ever want in a house. It cost an absolute bomb and it the culmination of years of DH’s hard work and success - he’s made up.

I can’t tell him or anyone how much I hate this place. I had no idea I would feel like this until we got through the door yesterday. It’s a mile from the kids school which is the same as before but an A road so not walkable like before. there are no neighbours although we do know some people on the other side on the wood and it’s so quiet I feel like I am being entombed here.

I really don’t want to live here. I’m supposed to be working today but can’t focus at all. I’m just hiding to have a cry the whole and desperate to talk to someone. All my friends feel like a million miles away and obviously couldn’t come round in tier 3 anyway. I can’t tell anyone about this as it’s a amazing house that so many people have said how lucky we are etc.

I know some people have real problems but my brain has gone into overdrive and I’m starting to think really dark thoughts about leaving and running and running. I don’t want this for my life

There is no way we can sell it either. Not for two years at least. I don’t even know why I’m writing this other than I have to say it out loud somewhere.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 09/12/2020 12:23

If you just moved then it might take a while to adjust. Put your own pictures up and think how you can make it yours. Did you like it before you moved?

Original poster

RHTawneyonabus · 09/12/2020 12:25

Yes I did. It’s beautiful. I was worried about the cost of running the place and isolation but DH was more enthusiastic than I and I thought it would work out.

OP posts:

zigaziga · 09/12/2020 12:26

Are you sure you hate it or is it not just the big (HUGE) change? Like when you have a baby and suddenly think “what the fuck have I done?? Why didn’t I appreciate all the things I could do before???”
We moved from a new build (not my type of thing really) into a listed, character do-er up-er and it took so long to get it ok and I remember lying on the floor the first few nights (we only had mattresses) with the smell of damp all around and just wondering why on earth we’d stretched ourselves financially to go so far back? Although now I’m very happy at the choice.
Give it time.

zigaziga · 09/12/2020 12:27

and I thought it would work out. and it might well work out.

Try and enjoy your first family Christmas in your new home and go from there.

justanotherneighinparadise · 09/12/2020 12:28

It will just be moving blues. I had them too and they passed.

Shoxfordian · 09/12/2020 12:28

It could still work out
Can you drive? This would help you feel less isolated

houseinthesnow · 09/12/2020 12:29

You need some time, buy some flowers today. Start remembering the potential you initially saw. It is winter, cold and the worst time of year to move. Imagine how beautiful it will be in the spring and summer months.

I would organise an outside drinks party with your family tonight with a firepit. Start bringing some cheer to the change.

If in two years you still hate it, you still have the option to move.

Suzi888 · 09/12/2020 12:29

Can you go to work? Is it just the massive change? I think you need to give it time.

Original poster

RHTawneyonabus · 09/12/2020 12:32

Tha k you all so much for replying and so not judging me because I’m aware I have a safe warm (ish) house and sound very spoiled.

The move was the absolute worst. I’m wondering if I’m having some kind of delayed stress reaction.

OP posts:

FPS123 · 09/12/2020 12:32

I don’t think you’re the first person to feel this way. I know I hated my first (dream) home the week I moved in. It’s such a huge investment it’s normal to get the heebie jeebies.
It will take a while to settle in and for it to feel like home. The school run will become autopilot in a few weeks and once you’ve put your pictures up, decorated it how you want etc it will feel much more like home.
It’s just a shock after so much anticipation and excitement 💐

SingingSands · 09/12/2020 12:33

It's the come down. All the months of planning, organising, stressing, hoping and waiting. The climax is moving day. Then follows the come down.

It will get better. At the moment you are in a new "house". It will take a while and a bit of work to become your new "home".

It's ok to offload on here, no judgement from me. Just don't bottle it up.

overoptimism · 09/12/2020 12:33

This is so normal!

AfterSchoolWorry · 09/12/2020 12:36

Can you drive OP ?

Beamur · 09/12/2020 12:41

Moving is one of the most stressful things you can do. Add in Covid and the time of year, it's really not surprising that you're feeling overwhelmed and unhappy.
Give it a few months, time for it to feel more familiar. Rural communities often have people living in places where they don't have close neighbours, there will be other ways that they develop networks and contacts. This will be easier to suss out once you've been there a little while.

Rina66 · 09/12/2020 12:46

I think you are saying out loud what lots of people think after a move, so your thoughts are perfectly normal. Soon you’ll be able to have friends and family over, it always helps to fill your new home with familiar faces - make detailed plans for that. The other tip, again not much help in the current circs, I always think it helps when you go away and come back to the new house, it then feels like home. Don’t be so hard on yourself, allow yourself the time to adjust and settle, you will. I’ve moved a few times, I’ll leave the previous house without so much as a backwards glance, then question my new house! Humans do not like change and you’ve just made a big one, breathe.

lemonandthyme · 09/12/2020 12:52

When I last year I had exactly the same reaction. We had bought our first house and there was about two weeks where we also still had our rented house. During that time I couldn’t wait to get ‘home’ to our rented house and hated everything about the house we’d bought. I hated the unfamiliar smell, the location, the differences between the house and our rented house. But they all faded as I got used to it. Now I couldn’t be happier here.

Like you said, OP, I think mine was a stress reaction to having to manage the move with two small children. Our new house also needed quite a bit of work which we were totally prepared for but which added to the stress. Also I don’t cope well with change at the best of times.

Give it a few more weeks and I bet you’ll start to feel better!

Aquamarine1029 · 09/12/2020 12:58

You really need to give yourself a break and allow yourself time to adjust. As a pp said, moving into a new home is literally one of the most stressful life events there is for many, many people, and one that is often not recognised. You just moved in yesterday. No matter how wonderful the house is, it doesn't feel like home yet. It's simply going to take some time.

unmarkedbythat · 09/12/2020 13:02

I have never moved into a house without experiencing utter "oh my god what was I thinking this is a disaster and I hate it and will never be happy here" angst at some point. I think it's totally normal. You sound like you feel pressure to be overjoyed and to feel lucky, I'm sure that doesn't help at all either. And, op, nothing is bloody normal or 'right' at the moment, everything we do is being done in this odd, stressful, unnatural environment with restrictions and worries and changes galore, no wonder something that is stressful at the best of times feels like a catastrophe right now!

I hope you settle in and love your house. And if you don't, you can move. Your DH loves you and will surely want you to be happy more than he will want to stay in a house that makes you unhappy, so if in the fullness of time it turns out that this isn't the dream house for you, you don't have to stay.

dsaflausdhfiushdfakdsf · 09/12/2020 13:03

Does sound a bit like a nervous breakdown! Go easy on yourself. This will pass, and when it does you'll be left with a clearer picture of how you feel that isn't tainted by panic. Act on this instead of what you're feeling now. Acknowledge you're having a bit of a freak out. Tell yourself (and mean it) that you'll give it six months and then make a decision around whether you're comfortable or not.

When I got the keys to my new house, I couldn't bear to go round because I just kept thinking 'what have I done'. The thought of having to rip all the manky carpets up, paint and buy furniture was overwhelming. I just went back to my rented flat and pretended I didn't have a house for a few weeks, lol.

tara66 · 09/12/2020 13:04

You haven't really said what's wrong with it except it's quiet, expensive and further out of town than you wanted. All this you knew before you bought it. If it is not dark and enclosed there is no reason to feel entombed in it. No very near neighbours is a good thing usually. Two years will fly by but if you still hate it then you can sell it - so don't dwell on the negative. You wanted or at least did not reject it before buying and now you have got it. Make the best of it.

wowfudge · 09/12/2020 13:07

It's the stress of moving. I've been there myself in the past. Once things have calmed down and you're able to unwind from the move, I bet you'll feel better.

Orcadianrythyms · 09/12/2020 13:08

Don't panic!! It is hugely stressful moving and even when you really loved your new house I think you have to grieve a bit for your old home. I'm not sure men get that - we moved to a much bigger and better home and I felt exactly like you. My husband just didn't get it, I was homesick for a few months and still get pangs eight years later. I love my home and we've filled it with memories but it takes time. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel the loss, there is nothing worse than feeling like you don't deserve to feel sad. We're allowed to feel the way we feel but it will get better.

CabinClose · 09/12/2020 13:09

I think the majority of people feel like this after they’ve bought a house. I have every time and I’ve ended up loving them all. I remember crying on the stairs with one of them.

abitnotfit · 09/12/2020 13:13

I hated our house when we moved in, it was late October, the clocks had just changed and everything seemed big and old and just not right.
Also a bit further away from work and school so I used to get DC back into the house then stand at the bottom of the stairs not knowing what to do next or where to go. Then I would cry!

So I imagine Covid etc would make that feeling even worse. Hang in there, you'll get used to it, the sun will come out and your friends will be round to visit as soon as they can.

abitnotfit · 09/12/2020 13:13

We've been here 14 years now and no plans to move again soon.

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