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Original poster

Feel like I can't achieve anything being a single mum

75 replies

LoserMum · 05/12/2020 19:25

I had DD at 23 and I've never had a proper career, just low paid odd jobs. I'm just a single mum with no ambition, no social life and no skills. I work 2 hours cleaning per week and I hate it.

Any suggestions on what to do to improve my life? I feel so old and very much like a loser

No suggestions to get a degree. I'm not capable of one. I've tried and I'm not committed.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoserMum · 05/12/2020 20:12

@hadesinahalfahell

What do you do and where did you start?

OP posts:

OverTheRubicon · 05/12/2020 20:12

It sounds like you've not got much confidence, but with one 4 year old DD and working only 2 hours a week, you should have a fair bit of time.

Have you looked at volunteer jobs? There are quite a few that are admin based and will give you something to start a CV and can be done without too much contact.

I also wonder if you've ever talked to your gp about your low mood.and lack of motivation? Could you have underlying depression or with neurodiversity (e.g. autism, ADHD) that is currently adding stumbling blocks for you?

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 05/12/2020 20:15

@LoserMum know idea, I know people who work in accountancy and started after A levels and worked their way up.

AI may well replace it in future but it hasn't yet and by that time you'll be able to move into a different organisation/career which will be easier once you've got experience and qualifications under your belt.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 05/12/2020 20:16

*no idea

Original poster

LoserMum · 05/12/2020 20:24

I also wonder if you've ever talked to your gp about your lowmood.andlack of motivation? Could you have underlying depression or with neurodiversity (e.g. autism, ADHD) that is currently adding stumbling blocks for you?

I've had CBT with from my LA. I'm not able to get any now, I think theres a limit per person. Definitely dont have a neurological problem. Just more quiet than the average person and cant stand being around people so much. I did go through years of domestic abuse though and still dealing with bully of an ex who is DD's dad.

OP posts:

jelly79 · 05/12/2020 20:29

@hadesinahalfahell similar story here!

I had my DD18 when I was 23 and I was in a low paid PT job and uni. Dropped out of uni and worked hard to progress, took on more hours and pushed myself. Had some promotions and changed companies to get the next roles and although my career wasn't what I wanted I'm proud to have one with no degree but just putting the work in

Covid has opened up so many more work at home jobs that could open some options for you as it will reduce your times for travelling. Look at the 30 free hours childcare for wrap around (if you can when they are 5) and what UC you are entitled to etc and look for work!

At the very least when she is in school you can take on a lot more cleaning jobs too x

OverTheRubicon · 05/12/2020 21:00

@LoserMum

I also wonder if you've ever talked to your gp about your lowmood.andlack of motivation? Could you have underlying depression or with neurodiversity (e.g. autism, ADHD) that is currently adding stumbling blocks for you?

Have you ever tried medication? It made a huge difference to my ex and my sister.

grey12 · 05/12/2020 21:07

@LoserMum

It must be capability. It couldnt do well unless I put hours of hard work in. It was a breeze for other students so I thought that as I dont really have a natural flair for it, then I should just abandon it.

You're very wrong. Doing a uni course is not a breeze for anyone. You just don't see them through their sleepless nights and hair pulling... maybe you see them more engaged and attentive during class and think that's it

hadesinahalfahell · 05/12/2020 21:13

[quote LoserMum]@hadesinahalfahell

What do you do and where did you start?[/quote]
I work in a career that very much involves being around loads of people, which is something that you have said isn't for you. What is it you want to do? Start from there, and make a plan

jelly79 · 05/12/2020 21:23

Also being a single mum can be a huge motivation and drive rather than it just making work more difficult :)

mumwon · 05/12/2020 21:24

when things open up - I would suggest you go to college & seek career advice.
Perhaps something like IT - this could lead to work that might be done from home. I assume if you did 2 years of psych you must be pretty IT literate anyway
Out of interest what kind of marks where you getting in essays & exams? ie 2/1 2/2 firsts?

DDIJ · 05/12/2020 21:27

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

mumwon · 05/12/2020 21:44

& degrees are hard work ( part of mine was psych) I use to travel in each day & get the early bus & do readings on route & work into evening & Christmas holiday was was spent (except for Christmas Eve & the day itself) with studying for the exams just after the holiday. I literally use to time table readings & how long I could afford to spend on each essay - but you might have assumed I sailed thru in the class room - I assure that any student that got thru this worked equally hard if not more so. Its about organisation & persistence -it may well be that you didn't find the subject interesting - you are very young you have all your life ahead to consider try something else & get the right track eventually - but to get a decent job you will need to work towards it by either experience &/or training - it simply won't fall into you lap (in the kindest way op) & the way things are going there is going to be a major revamp of work/working/jobs or vocations/ etc available & major competition. My suggestion op is to start reading on line - have a look at companies & positions in the site "Glassdoor" its quite interesting & a good wonder round the site if you can log in you will get salaries info too

user1274245 · 05/12/2020 21:49

Did you have trauma focused CBT or generic CBT?

It's pretty normal for someone traumatised by (ongoing) abuse to feel low, demotivated, struggle concentrating, etc and to not want to be around other people.

Have you had DV support? I'm terms of recovering not just exiting the relationship?

user1274245 · 05/12/2020 21:52

You don't have to answer those questions. My point is just that being traumatised is likely to be having a big impact on you but there are avenues available to change it, which would make some of the other hurdles in your life smaller.

Northernsoullover · 05/12/2020 21:52

I went from cleaning to a 30k job .

user1471538283 · 05/12/2020 21:59

I know it's so hard but I did it! I did my degree part time, worked full time and raised DS alone. Money was incredibly tight. You have to start somewhere. If you would like to do reporting then you probably need a qualification but you could get an entry level job with some top up benefits to cover childcare. Honestly you can do it!

Original poster

LoserMum · 06/12/2020 08:21

Out of interest what kind of marks where you getting in essays & exams?

A whole mix of grades. I got a few 1sts in essays and exams, even got a 3rd for 2 other 2nd year modules but I was depressed and couldn't think straight so didn't do well.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoserMum · 06/12/2020 08:22

Did you have trauma focused CBT or generic CBT?

Just general CBT. Havent heard of DV support, but will see if anything is available

OP posts:

Original poster

LoserMum · 06/12/2020 08:27

I went from cleaning to a 30k job

What do you do?

OP posts:

catsmother20 · 06/12/2020 08:39

Could you look into a job that doesn't require qualifications immediately but could flourish into a career or do specific qualifications down the line to progress if you wish, something like a HR officer, pharmacy, civil service, admin.

Original poster

LoserMum · 06/12/2020 09:02

I'd definitely work in the civil service. Found a few apprenticeships last night with a decent wage. Would have to do online tests though

OP posts:

Thecatinthehat123 · 06/12/2020 09:09

I also went from a cleaner to a 32k job.

Original poster

LoserMum · 06/12/2020 09:13

I also went from a cleaner to a 32k job

What job are you in? Have you used any transferable skills?

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 06/12/2020 09:15

You can't look on glassdoor without leaving your own review I thought. I suppose you could just leave one for some random Saturday job as a teenager though!

Civil service sounds good. What's the worry with the online tests?

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