Things that irrationally annoy you in films?

[Soubriquet]

I’ll start

Brand new baby born...size of a 3 month old, wide awake and smiling

Always annoys me

@middleager

Older men with younger women, but rarely the other way round. They rarely cast a 40/50/60 year old man alongside a partner of the same age.

They also have ridiculously beautiful women with what would be classically "unattractive men". It would never be other way around.

Matching bra and pants and fuzz free legs. Not real

Female police officers in high heels, running.

In fact, high heels generally, lawyers who can apparently keep up with their striding male colleagues in a pencil skirt and sky high heels.

Scenes that are clearly not filmed where the film is set

I watched a gloriously crappy film recently (Shark ... something, truly awful) and the whole dialogue talks about being on a beach, mentioning the tide, the sand, the waves, sunbathing, the beach view ect. BUT the whole thing was filmed on a very much land locked muddy lake surrounded by gravel and weeds!

It's like they just didn't have the money to get the beach location in the end and never bothered changing the script

People with ridiculously busy jobs whose houses are immaculate. Particularly those that you know wouldn't be able to afford a cleaner. Also women with high maintenance hairstyles or gym bodies that had very busy lifestyles that in reality wouldn't look like that.

Curtains that aren't closed at night in bedrooms.

People leaving their house without locking the door or without taking the essentials (phone, bag, coat) with them. Also being able to return home after some sort of traumatic experience where they don't appear to have any keys or money or phone.

Meeting for a meal or a coffee and not having a single bloody mouthful.

Women People who work in a newspaper office/publishers/museum/florists yet still manage to afford a picturesque Zone 1 London apartment.

The amazing vapourising placentas. Where do they go?

Women waking up in the morning with a full face of perfect makeup

When they have a grainy photo and the computer whizzkid does something and suddenly they can see loads of detail that wasn’t there before

Nurses living in £1.8m houses just behind Waterloo. That kind of thing. I’m borderline obsessed now with the ridiculous housing situations of characters in contemporary London dramas. I find myself sitting there thinking “Well if you bought when you were six with a gifted deposit and a self-cert mortgage then just MAYBE (but not really....)

When the goodies and baddies have a fight
Baddies get away, and run out to get in a car
Goodies chat and fanny around for a bit
Goodies go out to start chasing the baddies, who drive past the door, handily

Where in reality they would have been long gone

Curtains that aren't closed at night in bedrooms

My nan does that and it used to drive me mad especially if I had to share a bed with her

I needed them closed, she insisted they stay open.

That was fun..sleepness night for both of us really as I couldn’t sleep kept tossing and turning which meant I kept her up too

So much it's amazing I can watch films!! Actually, I say so much, but some things just make me laugh. Such as Christmas scenes or winter scene with the trees all in full leaf.

The main one though is were the (speaking) cast is male-heavy and females are there to have sex with one of the male characters, be killed or abused, or to be the "something" of one of the male character (girlfriend, wife mother, school friend, etc).

This is more irritating in films are 'man of action/saviour' (which I think if there's ever a female character with similar incredible abilities she calls a Mary Sue or something or other) and white saviour tropes.

Which is quite a lot of films!!!

People in super high powered jobs who have to work calls and meetings at all times of the day and night but who manage to maintain fantastic relationships with their children and spouse, down to knowing the detail of every school project.

The luxurious thin bed sheet (dark grey satin often as not) always artfully swirled over perfect bums on bodies which are sprawled beautifully across the bed in the morning.

Where are the big duvets which have half slipped off with the pale blotchy bodies fighting to stay under them?

Empty cups when they are supposed to be full. I dont understand why they dont out liquid in them!

Restaurant kitchens in tv/films always has a big pile of carrots on a table ,when in reality they would be kept in a big box to stop them rolling off and prep into another box .etc .

I echo the earlier mention of Fastest Labour In The Universe scenes. It's amazing how many babies arrive after three pushes, & often at Christmas, in a taxi/corner shop/ cow shed.

Babies in scenes which are swaddled in such a way that you know there is no baby in the blanket. Or the baby is supposed to be in the pram but you know it isn't because of the way they push it.

Hospital films & dramas, where the staff offer advice to patients on their love lives & relationships, or where a troubled patient is spontaneously rescued at home by a member of staff who just happens to be passing. Scrubs that fit perfectly & tightly to show off the actor's assets- no NHS uniform is cut that well in real life.

And what's with all the hospital staff hanging out in the local cafe/bar on their lunch break? Lunch break! I wish! (I've watched too much Hollyoaks).

People miming playing a musical instrument and doing it really badly.

One that annoys dh - when the characters are seen on a train, but when they get off the train at the station, it is a different train. His knowledge of trains and their interiors is pretty encyclopaedic and he always comments.

Something I’ve noticed a lot on TV shows recently is when they clearly had a hiatus during the first lockdown and the background changes from bare branches to leafy summer from scene to scene! Unavoidable in this case, but still funny when you see it.

Unrealistic resuscitation attempts. No way would most of those "patients" survive if they were given treatment in that way!

Couples who wake up in the morning and have sex without needing a pee or brushing their teeth.

Incidental children who always obey immediately when asked to go and play or go upstairs straightaway and are always obligingly compliant in every situation.

Always eating two mouthfuls of a meal then rushing out.

Never saying hello or goodbye on the phone and never - when making arrangements to meet by phone - fixing a time or place.

Films set in big cities where they can get across a city in a few minutes and park easily.

Also - does the CIA / MI5 / KGB have agents in every city just waiting to get into a car at high speed to get someone. What do they do for 99.9% of their time?

One flick of a light switch on the wall and ALL the lights in the room switch on. Side lights, table lamps, every single one.

When they have a grainy photo and the computer whizzkid does something and suddenly they can see loads of detail that wasn’t there before

Or they find an amazingly clear picture of the suspect in the reflection of a pair of sunglasses worn by someone standing 20 feet away.

Also

Can the CIA / NSA really pull up CCTV from anywhere in the world?